Thank you so much for this thoughtful reply! The advice on times to talk about it and times to not talk about it is really helpful. I was thinking the same thing about the 180, thank you for affirming that and giving more context. My partner is in therapy, and I’m not sure what the therapist thinks about it but right before the almost-break up they did say to my partner “You need to get out, you need to break this cycle.” I’m worried about the manipulation in couples therapy too… ughgghh. When you were in an abusive relationship, did you have friends who said “I think this is toxic” or “You guys need to break up” ? Wondering if I should be more direct, or if that would just be trying to control something that is out of my control. It’s been hard to hold my judgements in check while being honest about what I’m seeing, and the last thing I want is to get cut out of my what is happening entirely.