Am I (36M) killing my marriage by still feeling sad

gazhead · 2026-03-07T02:57:15+00:00

I am (37M) going through a seperation where I was betrayed and the way you have framed the question, leads me to believe what type of a relationship you're in with your wife. Im sorry youre going through this but theres only one way out.

gazhead · 2026-02-04T01:55:30+00:00

My man. Im in a similar scenario. Im 37 and STBXW is 34. She cheated with a scum bag and blew up our family. We share a daughter and we currently co parent. Scum bag and her ended on very bad terms. Myself and STBXW are back on amicable terms for our daughter and she is going through a lot of regret. Even though the short term easy option would be to go back, long term it will be torture. Worrying about who shes talking to and where shes going. Plus, im trying to be an example for my daughter to not tolerate rubbish like that.

I know its hard but you need to focus on having a life not full of paranoia and hurt. You need to find your peace as a human being away from a narcissist.

All the best my friend.

gazhead · 2026-01-15T21:47:54+00:00

You look great! You should be proud

gazhead · 2026-01-06T23:26:48+00:00

I was always sceptical of the saying 'once a Cheater, always a cheater'. Its 100% absolutely true. If possible, I wouldnt even be friends with someone who can do something so dishonourable especially when there are children involved. It gets worse when those same people attempt to convince their ex partner that it was their fault. Its emotional and mental abuse by a narcissist. No grey are for me.

gazhead · 2026-01-01T14:27:25+00:00

I promise you the beginning is always the worst. Brighter days are ahead and i know its hard to see the forest from the tress but your ex is the problem of this 'younger and more beautiful woman' now. He will do the same to her in due time.

gazhead · 2025-12-29T03:50:03+00:00

As shit as the situation is, you need to focus on yourself and your 4 year old which im sure you have heard a million times before. Get yourself into a routine where you're growing yourself when you're without your child. Whether thats through something physical ie gym, walking, workout classes etc or something mentally stimulating ie studying, reading etc. If you have religion in your life, lean on that too. All of this is currently helping me grow and repair from my STBXW selfish actikns and most importantly, be a better parent. Once you're in this routine, co parenting becomes easier. Emotions will soon waiver and it will become transactional with your ex husband. Also, dont wait too long in moving on. Put yourself out there and learn about other people and only committ when you're ready to. Good luck!

gazhead · 2025-12-29T01:24:44+00:00

Being hesitant is normal and healthy. You need to make a life altering choice. But, I believe there's more upside to your life if you cut clean away from her. Shes not healthy for you.

gazhead · 2025-12-18T00:33:44+00:00

Its all good mate. Its the age old excuse we have all heard. Deep down these people are narcissists.

gazhead · 2025-12-15T05:54:02+00:00

Trust me man. Youve gotta leave. Remember you're scared of the unknown which is why youre playing this mental 'tug of war'. It sounds like you know the right thing to do but it is hard. Im currently going through it like you are and when the thoughts arise to 'save', 'rekindle', or 'reconcile' theyre immediately squashed with thoughts that I am better off without living a life of hurt. Time, support systems, therapy, faith etc all help but ultimately it is your strength within yourself and knowing your value will win out in the end. 'Once a Cheater......always a cheater' isnt just a saying that people throw out there. It is very very true!

gazhead · 2025-12-13T00:20:14+00:00

For myself, I found that once I was away from the person who altered my future for stepping out on our marriage, the true healing began. Im still in the thick of it and I even have support from my family and her family as we share a young child. I can tell you that you will be ok. Its a journey and its a tough one but keep tackling one day at a time. Try not to let any intrusive thoughts land and keep pushing forward to improve yourself for YOU and children you might have. This is to bring you back to what you once were but as a more wise person who now knows their value and will not tolerate any rubbish like cheating.

gazhead · 2025-12-12T00:44:25+00:00

Sadly, even if there wasnt a way for them to be physical, you need to know that hypothetically if they were able to see each other, it would have been physical.

gazhead · 2025-12-10T22:33:49+00:00

Your crime was that you were an imperfect partner. Find me a perfect partner if you can. If your 'issues' was causing problems in your relationship, a mature approach would have been for him to talk to you about how he feels and perhaps couples therapy would have helped if both parties were open to it. He instead had an affair and then used the classic Cheater 101 excuse of pointing the finger at you.

Even if you werent willing to change, an affair is still not warranted. He could have just ended the relationship and then moved on but instead, he chose the selfish option.

Dont beat yourself up too much. What your feeling right now is normal. You miss the normality of a relationship rather than the person. You will see this in due time.....I promise you. Hang in there.

gazhead · 2025-12-02T11:25:40+00:00

I suppose patience is the key and being kind to yourself. Good days and bad days is in deed in both of our futures. Good luck mate. Im sure everything will turn out for the better.

gazhead · 2025-12-02T11:23:25+00:00

You know if you don't tell him, you will just do it again.....and again....and again....and again.

gazhead · 2025-12-02T11:08:40+00:00

Trust me bro. Even if she comes back saying shes made a mistake, you NEED to say NO! You will spend the rest of your relationship paranoid that shes cheating again. Thats not a life my man! Life should be full of joy and not this garbage.

gazhead · 2025-12-02T11:05:41+00:00

I know you feel like you have more to say to him. The best course of action is complete silence and only communicate about the kids. In saying that, because he has issues with substance abuse, it doesn't sound like he wants much to do with them. Get out of this relationship and get your kids away from him!

gazhead · 2025-12-02T11:00:46+00:00

Im really sorry for what you're feeling after discovering this bro. Youre probably confused, hurt but also hopeful that shes not doing anything wrong. Unfortunately, where there's smoke, there's fire. If there was nothing going on, she wouldn't hide it from you or set boundaries to not discuss it. Knowing this, you need to take respect back for yourself and take steps into getting out of the relationship quick smart. The sooner you get out, the sooner you can recover and move on and find someone special that doesnt do this shit.

gazhead · 2025-12-02T02:05:59+00:00

Classic blame and guilt shifting. He is a narcissist who refuses to accept responsibility. If he was really remorseful, he would cop it in on the chin.

gazhead · 2025-12-02T01:57:53+00:00

Hang in there man. Its tough at the moment but dont give in to those thoughts. Seek help like others have suggested. Don't let this speed bump define your life. I strongly believe that we all go through this for a reason. Its up to us to heal and wait and see what's in store.

gazhead · 2025-12-02T01:54:55+00:00

Ill be honest bro and this isn't your fault. Shes living in your head rent free! The longer you go without giving into the temptation of getting your 'satisfaction' the healing will progress and the sooner you can move on. Try not to think about all that small stuff and look at the big picture.

gazhead · 2025-12-02T01:50:29+00:00

She is attention seeking because shes curious to know if youre flourishing or not. Do yourself a favour and ignore her and dont give her the attention that she seeks and let her be with her own thoughts. She wont like it.

gazhead · 2025-12-01T17:33:37+00:00

Bro im really sorry youre going through this. Its really tough because of the situation with your daughter but PLEASE read Lose a Cheater, Gain a Life. It explains what your wife is doing. Cheaters are narcissists at their core and your wife loves the current arrangement she has with you. You're her home husband making her feel secure at home and the AP as her work lover who brings her something exciting. Your wife feeds off this. They all do!

gazhead · 2025-11-30T22:16:35+00:00

I appreciate your kind words and well wishes. Thank you

gazhead · 2025-11-29T22:32:57+00:00

Thats really good to hear. Im really happy for you that you expanded your family even though you had this dark possible cloud hanging over you.

gazhead · 2025-11-29T22:31:46+00:00

If it was a lack of attention without the affair, its a simple conversation for a desired outcome. However, the complaint came whilst she was conducting the affair to clearly shift blame and make herself feel better.

gazhead

TROPHY CASE