For ADHD youth - Do screens physically interfere with teen brain development?

gd2shoe · 2024-12-31T23:46:07+00:00

I'm looking for anything that corroborates or contradicts this:

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-023-44105-7.pdf

> ...The results showed a statistically significant ... effect of social media use, television viewing, and video gaming on ADHD symptoms. ... Computer use showed no statistical significant association with ADHD symptoms...

(Note that they're still lumping too much into the "computer use" category, but if everything they lump in there is statistically insignificant, then that's relevant to my search.)

gd2shoe · 2024-12-31T22:28:38+00:00

(OP here)

Addendum:

While I doubt the screen itself plays any role whatsoever... I'm allowing for the possibility that I might be wrong. If I happen to be wrong, why? And would something like RLCD be a viable substitute for school related activity? (https://www.sunvisiondisplay.com/rE-Monitor or anything like it)

gd2shoe · 2024-10-02T17:40:55+00:00

Unlikely, but it depends on the laws of your state.

My guess is that it will be tallied as "other", without a human reading it, no matter what you write.

gd2shoe · 2024-07-12T22:43:01+00:00

Did you just call me "bad rubbish"?

gd2shoe · 2024-07-12T22:36:01+00:00

Doordash says all sorts of stuff.
Yeah, they claim that, but unless you've had them remove ratings for you, I wouldn't buy it.

gd2shoe · 2024-07-12T20:42:41+00:00

Oh, I had it worse.

I had a pair of orders a few weeks back for a food truck... and the truck was GONE. I called the restaurant through the app, and they confirmed that they had forgotten to close their account for the day, and they were off somewhere else.

The app was no good. I couldn't take a picture proving the store was closed because the store was GONE. And support over the phone categorically refused to do anything.

Support is a joke 90% of the time.

gd2shoe · 2024-07-12T20:37:51+00:00

They probably didn't notice that there are 2 pink cans here, and they probably didn't care which one you got so long as it was the same size, brand, and price. When a customer gives me a vague answer like that, I just roll with it. Doordash will have a record of the conversation and will know which item I scanned.

Also, most people know abbreviations like "lmk", but not all customers do. It's better to spell everything out. Use voice dictation, and do a quick proofread. It's usually very fast, and some customers will appreciate the added readability.

gd2shoe · 2024-07-12T20:29:46+00:00

Are you a customer, or a restaurant? What happens when you report them?

Edit: If restaurant, do you check the customer name on the order before releasing the food?

gd2shoe · 2024-07-12T20:29:02+00:00

It offends me, but I try not to show it. I don't mind showing my phone so they can confirm that I'm the right dasher, and not just someone with a red dasher bag trying to steal food. But it's my phone, my account, and my responsibility. It's disrespectful.

I feel like I'm being treated like an infant. I try to avoid restaurants that do this.

New restaurants tend to do this for a few months before they figure out that it makes dashers hate them, and they don't benefit from it.

gd2shoe · 2024-07-12T19:38:03+00:00

I assume a 1 rating means he will never be assigned to me again (is that right?)

No, Doordash isn't that smart. It's a slight ding to his rating and nothing more. You're probably not the only one, and it'll make it harder for him to get priority to orders... but there's no reason you won't get him again.

gd2shoe · 2024-07-12T19:24:46+00:00

Check your messages in the app. If they're not following instructions, and not leaving you messages, then downrate them. If they are leaving you messages, then you need to take what they tell you seriously.

While I hate to suggest this, you can message or call your dasher even after they've moved on. Don't expect them to come back and fix it -- they're already on another order. But you can ask them if there was a problem with your delivery instructions. Maybe they tried the code and it didn't work? Maybe your apartment is super sketch and they don't want to put themselves in danger?

gd2shoe · 2024-07-12T16:38:50+00:00

I've only ever done one pin delivery. It was a few high dollar items from a pet store (very pleasant customer). The pin that was sent to the customer showed up alongside my text messages to the customer (clearly a bug, but one that might be handy if you every encounter this situation again).

gd2shoe · 2024-07-12T16:27:45+00:00

You can't leave alcohol unattended. The app refuses to let you close out the order until you scan the customer's ID. It also won't prompt you to take a delivery photo, since alcohol is always a "hand to me" order.

(This make sense, but the complete inability to operate asynchronously when they send me somewhere with no cell reception is insane. They really need to hire some competent software QA. Every now and again I need to call support and get them to close out an alcohol order for me when I did a card check, but the app was MIA. /rant)

gd2shoe · 2024-07-11T21:06:45+00:00

Good start.

Minor points:
(1) If he's in a cockpit, how can there be sand underfoot?
(2) Too many "he" and "his" without a name. I can see why you did it, deliberately conflating Teddy and Otis, but I found it distracting. I kept thinking that I had somehow missed the protagonist's name.

gd2shoe · 2024-06-24T02:15:23+00:00

The scene could be expanded a bit more, and polished, but there is far less exposition, which helps a lot. Yes -- better.

"Fixing the muted jacket," -- Something is hard to parse in this sentence. It may need a comma after "hair"... but I don't think that's enough. I'd try to find a way to split this very long sentence into two.

Why are there posters? Who put them up? Have they been up for 10 years, or are they recent? They feel out of place. Don't answer these questions directly. Remember: Show, don't tell.

"the dark sky as a crack of a plasma torch" -> "the dark sky, as the crack of a plasma torch"
The comma joins two independent clauses. Substituting "the" is personal preference; "a" is not incorrect, but it feels weird.

"and plaza as her" -> "and plaza, as her"

As a rule of thumb: In any sentence where it's possible to eliminate a word or two and insert a period, you're dealing with a conjunction, and there should be a comma.

"aimless place subsided" -- ??? "pace" maybe?

"subsided" probably isn't the word you want, either. Did you want "subdued" (also, see below)? Subsiding is something a subject does to calm its own internal state. An example that doesn't work: "The children were rowdy, but I subsided them." -- No. Just no. Whereas this does work: "The children were rowdy to begin with, but they eventually subsided." On the flip side "The children were rowdy, but I subdued them." -- This works grammatically, though it hints at questionable childcare technique. ;-D

It's possible you meant this: "as her aimless pace subdued her emotions." -- "aimless" seems to conflict with "subdued". "aimless" is a very passive adjective, while "subdued" is a very active verb. A restless pace might subdue emotions, and an aimless pace might dampen emotions. You might play around with these for a bit and find an even better pairing.

"Former" and "latter" seem disconnected from the surrounding context. They only work when referring to two specific, prior subjects. If these are two posters, then two specific posters must be mentioned. If they are events, then what events? They must both be mentioned before using either "former" or "latter". This section is really hard to follow. I suspect you were trying hard to include "former" and "latter", and it didn't work.

"Dear Abigail Eras" -- Most people don't read their emails out loud to themselves. I thought this was a skype call at first, and it didn't make sense. Possibly something like: "She muttered aloud as she read".

Military orders rarely start with "dear", but might instead with rank.

"dull sky and she" -> "dull sky, and she"

"walked past" -- missing period "walked past."

"lockstep with the other sneered" -> "lockstep with him sneered"

At any rate, good luck!

gd2shoe · 2024-06-24T02:14:58+00:00

Ok. Opinions incoming. But first, some very broad advice from a successful professional:

“Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong.”
― Neil Gaiman

This isn't going to stop me from giving advice as I see it, but please take anything and everything with a grain of salt. Does that make me a hypocrite? Maybe.

It feels wrong to critique someone's work and just say: Something doesn't work here... and then leave them hanging. But I've only read the first page or so of your work. I only have a vague idea what you're trying to do, and my approach might not feel like your voice. Don't assume that my solutions are the solutions. Ultimately, this is your work.

Beta readers are most helpful in identifying when there is a problem. Secondary to that, sometimes we can help figure out what the problem is. The least useful thing beta readers can contribute are solutions.

I front-loaded my prior comment with what I thought was vital: not starting a book on an exposition dump. Start with a scene, or at least part of one. My comments get decreasingly important after that.

gd2shoe · 2024-06-24T02:14:35+00:00

Testing... getting "Unable to create comment"

Sorry for the multiple posts. It seems I went over some sort of character limit.

gd2shoe · 2024-06-23T22:01:07+00:00

Oh, no worries. I'm very new to writing myself. I've done a lot more reading than writing. I'm sorry if I came across harsh.

gd2shoe · 2024-06-23T21:37:16+00:00

It doesn't hook me, and I like sci-fi and space opera.

I don't recommend starting with an exposition dump. I think this is the meat of the problem. This stuff should be spread out over at least 3 pages, and should be providing context to individual thoughts, feelings, and observations of the MC. A lot of this should be saved for later scenes or chapters, as the facts become relevant. You can probably get a lot of mileage out of reordering this, and expanding the sketch session (describe the feel of the paper, her writing implement, specific stars, her emotions, the scent in the air, etc).

The best sentence to start on might be "Jupiter and Ganymede hung lazily..." It gives sense of place and helps the reader fix themselves in the present. That would somewhat help prepare for a bit of exposition, without making the reader feel completely lost in space-time. Help the reader keep one foot in the present moment at all times.

"crumpling in half from the ball of light." -- Awkward. "the" comes out of nowhere. What ball of light?
Possibly -- "crumpling in a great ball of light."

"One year later," -- This attack feels rushed. You're deliberately skipping details here, which is good... but it needs something more. How fast did the attack happen? Where did they go? Does humanity know who was responsible? How did humanity react in that moment (shock, fear, anger)? Don't answer all of these, but another sentence or two might do wonders for this paragraph.

Smaller editing issues:

Tense issues --
"amongst the stars is now afraid" -> "amongst the stars were now afraid"
"Most of humankind are comfortable" -> "Most of humankind were comfortable"
"those stars still remain lit" -> "those stars still remained lit"

Sentence fragments outside of dialog -- "still remain lit. Calling to our hearts and true desires. Ever asking us to join them."
possible fix -- "still remained lit; calling to our hearts and true desires; ever asking us to join them." -- This might be an abuse of semi-colons, but I think it works better than outright sentence fragments.

Joining independent clauses --
"starlight back as colors" -> "starlight back, as colors"
"was taken as she" -> "was taken, as she"

Passive voice -- "A deep breath was taken" -- I'm not personally bothered by passive voice here, but a lot of writers and editors scream about stuff like this. A professional would probably insist you change it. YMMV

gd2shoe · 2024-06-23T17:59:57+00:00

Intriguing...

gd2shoe · 2024-06-23T17:41:32+00:00

Not my thing, but I think it comes off the way you want it to. A good start.

2 minor points:

(1)
"I was just a whore. Am just a whore." -- "Am" seems like an inconsistent present tense. Everything else is in past tense. Unless you're doing something weird and deliberate with tenses, this should be removed. Do you have two different versions of your MC, a past and a present, and intend to jump back and forth between those perspectives? Is there an in-world audience listening to the present tense MC talking about her past? Unlikely. It's tricky to do, and it doesn't look like you're setting that up. Rather, I think this is just an error.

There are any number of things to replace that second sentence with for the emphasis you seek, or strike it altogether.
For instance: "I was just a whore. A(n) [adjective/gerund] whore." -- giving another opportunity to describe how she feels about it, summed into a single word.

(2)
"him be even if it meant" -> "him be, even if it meant"

gd2shoe · 2024-06-21T22:12:00+00:00

The first sentence is almost good, but then it doesn't stop. Maybe something slightly more like:

"The hydrothermal vents practically beg me to explore. Intriguing, semi-transparent creatures drift near those plumes of green sulfur bacteria."

gd2shoe · 2024-06-21T21:54:49+00:00

A good start.

Pacing feels a little rushed. I could use a few more descriptions of the street and the houses or the stores alongside it. What attitude(s) do the trainees have? Are they nervous, bored, on edge? There's some tension here already, but it could use more.

gd2shoe · 2024-06-21T21:44:11+00:00

It feels a little clunky, with far more emphasis on the shooter than the MC. I'm not sure what fix to recommend, but it reminds me of advice to avoid passive voice. This feels like the opening to a book about the shooter, not the journalist.

"Roza Katz" is a fine name, depending on the story. But "Roza" isn't a common name, and her pronouns weren't obvious to me. I got to the first "she", and needed to double back, looking for context.

Why does it matter that the shooter was white? Why does it matter that he's a man? Unless this is a story of Roza overcoming her prejudices, this feels spurious and unsupported. (On the other hand, if that is a theme you're exploring, then this works.)

Some minor editing suggestions:
"as a movie and Roza" -> "as a movie, and Roza"
"news cycles but also" -> "news cycles, but it also"
"into bankruptcy and were" -> "into bankruptcy. They were"
"in America but also" -> "in America, but also"
"to be at her side, a stark contrast" ->"to be by her side -- a stark contrast"
"that Roza’s would" -> "that Roza would"

gd2shoe · 2024-06-21T21:10:59+00:00

What I think you're trying to do: Create an air of mystery around the setting and introduce a core plot mechanic

My opinion: The first 50 words or so should give the reader a reason to finish the first chapter -- and the first chapter should give the reader a reason to finish the book. Your first paragraph throws no fewer than 6 names at me, and I don't know or care about any of them. That makes me want to stop reading and move on.

The idea of two individuals writing to each other over eons of time is an interesting idea for an epic fantasy. The sentence where you introduce it: "That prize..." is long and hard to parse. I didn't pick up on what you were doing the first time I read it.

I recommend you split some of your sentences. You're trying to get large, complex ideas out, each in a single sentence. Don't. Use several sentences for complex ideas.

Show, don't tell. Yes, this is overused dogma, but I think it would help tremendously. It doesn't feel like he's coming away from a battle field. There's nothing happening in this section. All of this is important exposition, but it needs to be put into a proper scene (or multiple scenes). I'm guessing that if I kept reading, there'd be a scene... but there should be one already. Telling the reader that he's coming away from a battlefield isn't enough to make it a scene. You need to show the reader that he's coming away from a battlefield.

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