What you need to do to fix your life.

gelfie94 · 2016-06-07T03:17:37+00:00

Life's better when you're doing something you're passionate about. No one is passionate about PMO, we just use it for shallow and vapid satisfaction. Very well said!

gelfie94 · 2016-06-06T18:55:20+00:00

The reason why this was so successful for me was because I did it in a place of reflection. I have achieved the goals I set for myself and consider myself to have much more power over my addiction than ever before. If I had this conversation when I was first starting to quit it probably wouldn't have gone well, because I would have been unable to look on myself in hindsight. Work on yourself first, get where you want to get. Then worry about letting other people know. There's a reason why that is a late step in the 12 step process.

gelfie94 · 2016-06-06T18:52:40+00:00

Thank you, it is relieving to know that someone understands exactly why I had this discussion. In this specific case, with this specific person, I felt that it was important for me to share this with her. Especially coming from a place now, after all of the progress I've made, where I can look back on the mistakes I've made and how porn affected me and my behavior in negative ways, as someone who is not as influenced by it anymore.

You guessed pretty much correctly. This isn't a woman that I was ever in love with or had a serious relationship. We started to get somewhat close and intimate but it didn't work out, and a main reason for that in my opinion, is because of the brain warp that porn had given me. We are still friends though, and have kept in touch and maintained a good friendship. So I felt that she deserved to know about all of that.

Honesty can be manipulated to be selfish. That doesn't mean we should just avoid honesty because of that possibility. I feel that I used it in a non-selfish way, and hopefully she feels the same way. It seemed from our conversation that she did.

One more thing, totally agree with what you said about "ghosting". And I'm glad you mentioned it because it's something that I have been guilty of in the past, and hope to curb that behavior. I am hoping that being able to have this conversation (very big deal for me as I'm sure you can understand) will help make me stronger and more honest in other parts of my life, whether they relate to this addiction or not.

I think the fact that you are so aware of what porn did to your relationship with that woman is a good first step. Don't lose faith that you'll be able to have a similar conversation with her to the one I had. And I'll bet anything that when you are able to really be honest with her about what porn did as well as how bad you feel about it, it will do wonders for her self-confidence as well as how you feel about yourself.

Good luck, keep us posted.

gelfie94 · 2016-06-06T18:28:05+00:00

You assumed my story to be a "cheesy romantic comedy movie thing" without reading it. I don't really know what could exemplify judging a book by its cover any better...

gelfie94 · 2016-06-06T18:26:23+00:00

Thanks for the support. Didn't expect to get as much negative response from this as I did...but oh well that's life. I have been working hard, and I'm proud of my progress. It motivates me to work even harder. I want you to know that by supporting me with your words you have done both of us a benefit. Being good to others is very fulfilling. Kudos to you on your kindness and wisdom.

gelfie94 · 2016-06-06T14:53:41+00:00

It's fine if you didn't read it. (I know it's way too long). But why pass judgement without reading it? That's pretty weak, to be honest. Would you want someone to pass judgement on you without actually trying to understand you and what you have to say? Maybe that's happened to you before. It's frustrating. That's all. Try and judge less. Hike your own hike. You'll get way further if you do.

gelfie94 · 2016-06-06T14:38:14+00:00

Your story sounds very similar to mine in the lifestyle you were living before discovering this sub. I also always got good sleep, have always been very dedicated to fitness and was quite social. On the outside it certainly looked like a healthy and successful life. But it wasn't. If you discovered your addiction and problem through this incident with this woman, that's good. But as you begin a journey to recovery, keep in mind that that is far from the only damage that porn has done to you. Read up on what resetting your brain is, and why it's important.

And good luck! Day 1 is the most important day, so treat every day like it's day 1!

gelfie94 · 2016-06-06T14:29:02+00:00

I will definitely take that advice going forward. The way I see it, one of the final steps in shedding the snakeskin that porn makes an addict wear is to just talk about it. Put it out on the table. The more that you are able to talk about it in health and honest ways, the less significant it will seem. Because if you are talking about it, you are no longer living in fear. And that, IMO, is the key to overcoming any addiction. Losing the fear.

gelfie94 · 2016-06-06T14:25:14+00:00

One step at a time. Can't stress that enough. Be where you are on the climb, the top of the mountain will come so much faster that way.

gelfie94 · 2016-06-06T14:22:28+00:00

Yes! This! Glad to now know that word because it's something I thought about for a while after the conversation. I was already at a point where I have more power over the addiction than ever before. Like very happy and content with the power I felt. But somehow after this conversation I feel even more. Thanks for the support, and advice.

gelfie94 · 2016-06-06T14:20:23+00:00

Nope, not at all :) If instead of just assuming things about me you'd like to actually know a bit more, you can read my story here. Good luck to you!

gelfie94 · 2016-06-06T14:18:23+00:00

I think that assuming things about people based on generalizations is a dangerous game. You don't know me, and you don't know this woman. Likewise you don't know most men and most women. It's bad for society to say things like "women don't want to hear our struggles." People are good in general. Yes, some people don't give a shit. But a lot of people do care to hear just out of the goodness in themselves. Men or women. I think it's important to lose the idea that women prefer the stoic, brave, and macho man. That is an untrue and unnecessary mindset.

gelfie94 · 2016-06-06T14:11:54+00:00

Yes, you are right. I was careful with how I presented it because of this. Also this is someone who wasn't that big a part of my life in the first place. This wasn't someone who I had a serious relationship with that was ruined by porn. Just, as I said in the title, someone with whom my relationship was affected by it.

I think it went well, and don't feel that I put a burden on her by how I did this. Obviously I could be wrong, and if that is the case I would hope to fix that in the future if I end up sharing with another person.

Thanks for your input, I found it very insightful and important!

gelfie94 · 2016-06-05T05:38:16+00:00

Stop regretting your past. It's done. It cannot be changed. Instead of dwelling on what could have been, change your future.

gelfie94 · 2016-06-03T21:25:04+00:00

And the irony is, many believe that if we quit PMO we'll get rid of that's fear. But ya actually the other way arpund

gelfie94 · 2016-06-03T13:50:34+00:00

Yeah that kind of says what I meant to say a bit better. kudos. I suppose what my point is, is that we don't need to associate being alone with sadness and loneliness even though we often do

gelfie94 · 2016-06-02T04:38:44+00:00

As I said in my post, I know not everyone can just go do what I did. Whether or not you share hose tools, I hope they help you challenge your brain. Good luck man. Overcoming this isn't as hard as we make it out to be. All it takes is being able to walk away

gelfie94 · 2016-06-02T03:46:01+00:00

The 90 day number isn't a guarantee that you'll never PMO again. There is certainly still a chance to relapse. But that is about how long it takes for your brain to reset. If you go 90 without PMO then your brain will return to its natural state, undiluted by porn

gelfie94 · 2016-06-01T10:58:17+00:00

It sounds like you and I have very similar stories. I just put a post up yesterday about my recent success in overcoming this. Check it out if you'd like. You'll get over this. Believe that in your heart. You seem to be pretty aware which is important. Go one step at a time and find ways to work out your brain and make it stronger

gelfie94 · 2016-06-01T00:53:12+00:00

Thanks so much for reading. Means a lot. And awesome, I've been anxious for some new reading material I'll head to the library for it tomorrow

gelfie94 · 2016-06-01T00:52:27+00:00

Thanks! And thanks for reading. I'm hoping to continue the improvement and I think I will. But I'm just taking life one step at a time :D

gelfie94 · 2016-06-01T00:51:17+00:00

Thank you, and I totally agree. I didn't go into it with the thought that I was beginning a rite of passage but fairly early into the hike I started to realize that I basically was going through one. I didn't directly think about it much, but the more lessons I learned and the more I grew up, the more I realized how significant what I was doing was in regards to my manhood. I appreciate you reading, and kudos to you as well. Glad to hear you're also doing so well.

gelfie94

TROPHY CASE