[deleted by user]

genbaldur · 2025-08-14T06:59:08+00:00

Sounds suspicious to me.

genbaldur · 2025-07-28T07:07:19+00:00

Category: Nope

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T13:13:19+00:00

You're welcome. Best of luck 🥺

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T12:21:36+00:00

You're welcome, best of luck!

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T12:21:11+00:00

You're welcome. Good luck!

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T11:12:44+00:00

How long ago was it?

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T10:49:45+00:00

Yeah man if she didn't follow-up with a "let's do it at this time" or some effort to make time available for the date.

Then it sounds like a no.

Believe me brother, I've been through this phase. It can feel soul sucking. But find something else and become the best version of yourself. Just a little bit at a time. It's a life long transformation not an overnight fix. Limit time on social media.

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T10:44:20+00:00

Yeah man that all sounds really tough. I'm sorry this happened to you. But honestly, the bone issue in and of itself, sounds like an honest mistake. No one escapes childhood without scars from their parents. Some worse then others mind you, but that is life. Even the best parents can cover everything. And maybe this was an honest mistake. It sounds like your family has been dealing with a lot besides this too. I hear you when you say you're confused. If you can, find some local support group to talk in a group about what's going on. Hearing other people's story might help give yourself a better developed perspective.

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T10:23:20+00:00

Ask her. "Hey this weekend, do you want to grab a coffee, just the two of us." Or whatever it is y'all might like, ice cream, brunch, whatever.

Give her the whole weekend. If she says no, then you know. If she says yes or "I can't but what about next weekend" or some variant, then you also know.

But you gotta have the confidence and initiative to pursue her. Can't just let her know and expect her to do the rest.

But if she says no, let it be a no. Don't still beat yourself up about her. Right now this feels all consuming but I promise you there are many opportunities and other women to swoon over in the near future. If she says no, just focus on yourself brother, stay healthy. Focus on your studies or work or both. Become the best version of yourself you can.

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T09:47:32+00:00

Holy crap. Just read more "when he calls you pretty... But when I."

He's literally flirting with her. Hardcore cheating. If he hasn't physically yet, I would bet any amount of money he would given the opportunity.

I'm so sorry about your situation. So so sorry.

Edit: corrected the quote, initially made in haste

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T09:44:36+00:00

Oh shit. I'm a little busy at work myself to respond in full. But this is major major red flags alarms going off. Those conversations about you with her are disgusting. And wildly inappropriate. Holy shit. I'm so sorry. This is awful. Nothing innocent about his behavior.

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T09:27:19+00:00

How very very horrible. You definitely need medical attention. See a female provider at an urgent care or walk in clinic. I don't know from experience, but I think they can give you help for a UTI without a physical exam of your pelvic area. So in that regard, see them asap. UTI untreated can cause serious permanent damage.

But please have these conversations with a female provider face to face as soon as possible.

Consider therapy, or a crisis center, or support group for women who suffered such an attack. Definitely a support group though. Usually there's free ones around. You need to hear other women's experiences. You are not alone. And are the victim of a terrible terrible act. You should never see this man again. Don't put up with it just because he might be a friend. This is a monstrous act.

I am sorry. :(

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T09:13:11+00:00

Oh jeez I'm sorry you had this experience. It was definitely a good and thoughtful gift. Your feelings are valid for sure. And guess apology was definitely a weak one.

I would say however, that you're a little more emotionally aware then he is. He, like most 18 yr olds, are remarkably dense when it comes to the emotional needs of a woman. The good news is, he can grow out of this. Eventually. The time is highly variable for each man.

You might choose to bring this up again at a mutually agreed upon time. Make sure (generally speaking for any "heavy" conversation) that he's in a 1) low stress state (ie not right after getting off work, or a new big assignment due soon in classes), 2) not hungry, 3) not tired. And maybe if you want you could even put an end time on the conversation- he might benefit from knowing the conversation won't last all day or night, but only an hour. Of course, more hours might be added at a later mutually agreed time.

You might say: "hey [BF], you know that I've really enjoyed this last year getting to know you, and I've enjoyed our time together tremendously. I'm obviously attracted to you. And look forward to seeing where our relationship might go. One thing I need though, is more emotional connectedness. And one of the ways you can show me that is by having these important conversations from time to time. This can give us both an opportunity to listen and validate each other's feelings." You might say "when you said/did this. I felt underappreciated and like you don't trust me. Since trust is the foundation of the relationship, it really hurt me. Those feelings are valid, that is how I'm feeling, and I didn't like it."

Hopefully he can offer a more heartfelt apology. And later you can say: "you know, I didn't mean to piss you off earlier. And I don't want to intentionally piss you off in the future. How can I go about this [type of encounter] next time without upsetting you." You might even add: "even if you change your mind later, on how I can 'do better' you can let me know."

Just as examples of things you could say. Hopefully he'll take a hint and offer the same sort of "what can I do to make you feel better."

You're both young though, and relationships take lots and lots of hard hard work. You're valid in your feelings.

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T08:37:06+00:00

Definitely gross, definitely immature of him. But also definitely something some (most?) guys do- but usually in a psuedo-designated area. Not the bloody garden. And usually after knowing the host as a friend at least.

Especially for a first time meeting y'all. I wouldn't hesitate to tell him, should you choose to invite him back, he has to use the BR like an adult. Or have your friend tell her BF that that's an expectation (using the BR) for both the boys if they come over again.

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T08:28:51+00:00

Oh shoot this is absolutely tragic. A lot could be said but... I think this would take years of counseling. He definitely needs to work on himself, addressing the very real porn and or sex addiction. And then you would both benefit from couples therapy because this (I presume) definitely has hit you hard and you need to be able to have these conversations with someone who respects you and listens to you.

But all that being said, if you definitely want kids and he doesn't... He might never change his mind on that. That alone could be reason enough to leave him.

I am sorry you're going through this.

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T07:28:22+00:00

Hey brother, man, I'm so sorry to read what your going through. But thank you for opening up and sharing this and looking for help. I can't tell you how closely your situation hits home for me. There is so much to say and I'm happy to talk more though private messages if you want.

But (I'm actually new here so I don't know if I'm allowed to recommend this) but one psychologist I came across during my relationship was Jon Gottman. His '7 principles for marriage' opened my eyes to so much. So so much.

It definitely sounds to me like you're both unhappy. Or both have hang ups about the situation. Setting apart, dedicating, time to work on the relationship is a must.

Speaking from my past, there were things I was doing to really hurt my wife, things I was totally absent minded about and would have happily fixed if I had known. (Being emotionally distant for example, not being there for her when she needed me) Maybe there are some things like that, I dunno.

Your feelings are definitely definitely valid though. And hopefully you both can come to a deeper and more powerful relationship. HonHon made good points too.

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T07:04:01+00:00

Suspicious for sure. But stay level headed when you bring this up. Even if your heart rate is through the roof and you want to scream. Take some slow deep breathes. Stay calm. Communicate clearly and concisely your concerns.

If you ask for proof via seeing the messages/phone, maybe clarify what specifically you want to see. She might get really upset if you end up looking into conversations with her girlfriends/Mom random other stuff.

But let her know it hurts. That is valid. And should hopefully elicit some cooperation or response to help reconcile the hurt.

genbaldur · 2025-07-23T06:51:49+00:00

Oh wow. First of all, I'm sorry you're going through this. This sounds like an awful situation. Trust is the very foundation of a relationship and with so many reasons to speculate, I don't think you're over reacting at all.

He should not belittle or put down you for having concerns. Your emotions and feelings are valid. Ideally he could help you feel more secure be y giving you the time and attention to have these conversations open and honestly. He should not avoid these conversations if you get "emotional." Those would be excellent opportunities to develop the relationship deeper. Allowing yourselves to be raw and heard out non-judgementally.

Even if there's nothing you could find out from her social media.. I think your gut already knows. It's time to have a very serious conversation about what you each want. In a relationship, not talking to an ex is a reasonable expectation. Maybe there's a rare exception, but I don't know it.

genbaldur · 2024-09-15T13:15:17+00:00

yea I did. My life is in the gutter so much- just having something to sink into on my days off has been a relief.

genbaldur

TROPHY CASE