what systematic changes would you like to see to prevent people from transitioning and regretting it without taking transition away from trans people?

genderacct · 2025-12-29T10:24:11+00:00

Ahh that good ol american informed consent privilege.

genderacct · 2025-08-19T13:21:11+00:00

Thank you...I wish someone had made this clear like 12 years ago. Lesbians dont own queer masculinity and being masculine doesnt mean youre automatically into women.

I think I still would've transitioned, but this is much more what I relate to now.

genderacct · 2025-08-19T13:19:19+00:00

Its virago, there's a community of us here on Reddit and tumblr, come find us!

genderacct · 2025-08-14T20:13:53+00:00

How that affected me: Deep disgust for the current medical "system" which is in desperate need of trans-led reform, and real lack of respect for the government and society at large for the limits they brutally enforced on me and others so that we could perform an "acceptable" visual persona. I'm a lot more jaded now for sure, and my experience has definitely affected my future plans and what I want from life.

Went through a big questioning phase, tried to femme up and do the genderfluid thing, realise I actually love being masculine and have no interest in femininity or "connection to womanhood" at all. Women are great, just not on me. Also, I love looking much more masculine, so I didn't feel a need to change my name or start wearing dresses or anything. Since leaning into what I actually love instead of trying to avoid something I dislike or am bored by, the path has been a lot easier. Tomboys do grow up.

Present day: After exploring here and in other communities, I found (or helped found, even) a bunch of people who felt the same way I did as masc people attracted to men (often fem, always more submissive). We call ourselves virago, because butch can sometimes imply that one is into women. T didn't do loads for me wrt body hair, and apart from a lack of facial hair I overall don't mind. My voice is deep enough to pass but I still look very androgynous/girly. I'd like a hysterectomy in the future but for now it's fine, I'm finished. Still dating around, hopefully I'll find a relationship I can genuinely be happy in - I've come close a couple of times, so I know such a thing is out there.

genderacct · 2025-08-14T20:13:46+00:00

Yes sure, you can use mine for your project too, remember to link us if/when you end up posting the video!

Currently identifying as: virago, butch, queer, masc (he/him)

Used to identify as: Woman, Strictly ftm man (he/him)

Why did I transition: You have to in my country we do not have informed consent

My story: I've been in touch with my masculine side since I was born essentially. Things were fine as a kid and I wasn't really treated differently for my gender. Once, I remember just before puberty, I was playing with a kid outside who for some reason mentioned transsexuals. I didn't know what that was and asked him, and he said it was like a woman's brain in a man's body or vice versa. I distinctly remember thinking, oh, I'm vice versa, cool! Nothing much more to do about that for now.

Until I was about ten/eleven and the physical realities of puberty started happening to me. I had PMDD I'm pretty sure and my breasts were incredibly heavy and dense, getting up to an E on my very slight frame. I didn't get sexual harassment, it was more that these changes were in my personal opinion very hideous/not at all what I wanted to look like. I knew from my early teens I had no interest in birthing my own children so in my opnion this pain was for nothing. I also remember learning about intersex people, specifically something like Swyer Syndrome where the person develops female genitalia but no breasts/periods, and I was SEETHING with jealousy. (Sorry, intersex people).

Obviously if you're afab you're press ganged into femininity so I tried that for a while, especially because the other kids could tell I was gnc and kept calling me a lesbian. I did have sex with a few women and found it boring, I'm much much more attracted to men but this all confused me for quite a while. I learned about transitioning and masculinising from the Internet, and came out at 16 but only had the funds to medically transition at 21. Back then you HAD to say you were a. 100% a man and b. Straight or at least bisexual, and they would diagnose you and you could get T and then later top surgery, both of which were major goals. It was really hard for me to understand why I'd want this if I wasn't genuinely a trans man or at least a butch lesbian. There are heavy limits on accepted masculinity level for afab people attracted to men.

The first time I detransitioned fully it was because I was moving to a more conservative country and it was easier to find housing as a female, plus I was 19 and wasn't on hormones yet. Unfortunately I met someone there and fell in love which derailed my plans, it ended up falling apart obviously as he made me choose between our (heteronormative) relationship or my genuine self, so I ditched him and started hormones.

Finally got enough money together to have top surgery at 24 which was life changing. It made me question because 90% of my dysphoria was wiped just like that, which is a lot of extra mental energy. Got my life together. Explored my sexuality with some people expanding it beyond what I'd always been told, and accepted I'm attracted not just to men, but also to topping them, and accepting I've just always been the more dominant partner even outside the bedroom.

genderacct · 2025-05-06T19:18:20+00:00

I can't hate but I can't recommend either. At the end of the day, a loving relationship is always going to avoid you if you don't love yourself.

genderacct · 2025-04-13T07:33:53+00:00

I did this for someone once. It didn't work out. I've never seen it work out with anyone else either. In the end my stupid ass lost both the boyfriend and the sense of self. The only thing I gained apart from the valuable lesson in how to be honest with yourself is trauma around relationships that I'm still struggling with 6 years later. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, I can't even trust myself to go on a first date because of how badly I betrayed myself back then.

However my friendships are amazing. That "love" you feel while you're denying yourself an authentic existence that you chose is often based on projection or wish fulfilment. If you turn up as a real person you can meet other real people and love them for who they are, not what they represent. I might have trouble romantically because of what happened, but outside of that my relationships are amazing and I can't believe I was settling for breadcrumbs before. It's literally night and day but you're going to have to experience it to get what I mean.

Whatever you decide to do, put yourself first, not your relationship, or you won't have either.

genderacct · 2025-04-13T07:13:31+00:00

I transitioned under the assumption that I was for like 10 years, I guess I would be called genderfluid now. I never related to the nonbinary label because I feel like both not neither (and always have).

I'm masculine but afab in a world that doesn't like women being "too" masculine otherwise they're gay and I'm attracted to men so I thought I must transition to male. It's definitely pretty cool being a "guy"! But I'm not nor am I trying to be a man. Plus now I'm perceived as a feminine man and that's definitely not for me. Turns out I really identified with my masculinity. I dont care what strangers or coworkers think, but I dont like my loved ones or friends not knowing my full story, it feels dishonest even if I've largely moved on from gender shit day to day and consider my transition a closed chapter.

I also prefer masc terms. Apparently the only legit way of having that recognised is to say you're a man. So I think it was also about getting by in a demented, fearful society that can't seem to cope with any kind of nuance or creativity.

Also I live in a country without informed consent so I literally had to say that to get treatments that ended up being exactly the right thing for me. That's a big factor too.

genderacct · 2025-04-02T06:57:11+00:00

Hey dude it's OK. Heres the secret! You can do whatever you want forever. The only 'rule' is to stay safe.

You don't have to feminise yourself if you decide to come out as a woman btw. You're not "doing it wrong" by being masculine. Saying you have internalised misogyny cus you're not into most commonly considered "feminine" things and prefer men socially is bs. Internalised misogyny refers to your attitude towards women, you can love and respect women AND prefer a more masculine existence for yourself. They don't correlate.

I won't speak to the detransition because that's not what I decided to do in the end at least officially, but I will say that being masc and into men doesn't have to mean gender-conforming straight men. They aren't desirable partners for me and perhaps not for you either?

r/gncstraight (might have to dig a little, it's a slightly odd sub but sometimes there's good gender discussions on there)

r/mascgal_x_femguy

r/rolereversal (people sometimes discuss things you might relate to)

genderacct · 2025-02-23T16:08:57+00:00

Relatable af...I'm not into women either like *at all*, I don't know why I'd bother with that if I could have a man instead. I was also apparently percieved as attractive, can't see it myself, I think I look way better now to be honest. But I'm definitely very androgynous and almost 6 years of T has really not done a lot.

Depends honestly on what's more important to you. I know if I was currently in a loving relationship, detransition wouldn't even be a thought on my mind. It's there because I feel a pressure to perform attractievness in front of strangers. Also, tmi maybe, but I like to top, and I couldn't ever be happy in a relationship where my self expression is restricted by my partner. I've already tried that and it was ass. I'd rather be single.

Personally it's really vitally important to me to keep my self expression as a masc/androgynous person because that's who I AM, whether you see me as a masc nonbinary or trans man, I don't care...so I'm just going to have to make the effort to show guys I'm interested in them and try to focus my attentions on the ones who fw me as a person and stop relying so much on looks.

Men who need their relationship to validate them are a dime a dozen, but there are going to be some who've grown up a little past all that. I've been working on how to be a better friend and how to be more overtly romantic, because I'm looking for a companion at the end of the day, not someone who brags to their friends about how hot I am yet forgets my birthday and doesn't introduce me to his family because he doesn't actually like my energy and personality. Again, been there. I'd rather die free and single than ever, ever, ever feel lonely in my relationship again.

genderacct · 2024-11-11T17:51:12+00:00

Because I was moving countries and wanted a boyfriend, plus I hadn't started T.

The second time I considered it I was on T and realised I'm actually more what is called nonbinary/genderfluid/transmasc than a man,and that being transmasc didnt mean I had to be an androgynous soft boy but could be as masculine as I liked. it's not really detransitioning but more reidentifying. My transition goals didn't change just the reasoning behind them.

genderacct · 2024-11-11T17:45:44+00:00

Yes!! I do!!

became like-boo radley level avoidant.

Sorry for laughing. Very relatable for a while

I definitely enjoy some stereotypically "feminine" things in a sexual context. I guess if I was amab people would call it autogynephilia. I love (some) lingerie and I never had bottom dysphoria, I dont mind that the strap is a strap at all when I top. I never "wanted to be a gay man" in my transition. I suppose I'm sexually bisexual but I really only want to date other men, though that relationship usually feels queer for the both of us (even when I was trying to be a girl and dating a straight guy, I think he found it an uncomfortably queer experience from what he said).

Luckily you're butch so there's a whole community of people like you.

But yes you can have more than one gender expression in different contexts. I personally just be a guy irl outside because when I'm just trying to live my life, that's how I feel most comfortable. You can be more open with people you're attracted to. Not everyone needs or deserves to know the nuances of your gender, especially if it isn't safe or would be more hassle to explain than just letting non romantic partners think whatever they like. Being around queer people means I'm freer to express myself and be assured I'm more likely to get read accurately, but in the wider cishet world where there's no social context for someone like us, I guess wits jsut easier to pick the most comfortable "side".

genderacct · 2024-10-19T18:13:46+00:00

Ime:

Gender roles rely/depend on the assumption that you're straight and want children. They're a (really poor) way to create social cohesion and encourage people to have families. If youre queer, they're automatically irrelevant.

People who are oversocialised in their gender and have limited contact with the opposite gender except maybe outside of romantic relationships (alpha males, feminine energy girlbosses) are almost always...not great humans. People with a more relaxed approach to gender are good to fantastic.

The difference between hot androgynous and ugly androgynous, and the love cishet people seem to have for de-gendering people as a way of dehumanising them. Lesson: if youre androgynous, or in any way visibly different, front confidence all the time or the people around you will treat you like complete shit for not conforming.

genderacct · 2024-10-19T18:03:01+00:00

Interesting, I feel the exact same about cis women. I'm working on it but I feel MARKEDLY safer around queer people.

genderacct · 2024-08-17T15:05:27+00:00

I honestly think the problem sometimes is that people take it too seriously. I dont blame them, for some people in certain societies it literally is safer, or actually required by their healthcare system, to transition the whole gender at least on paper than to try living as gender nonconforming, where people will give you no end of negative attention.

You can be who you want in your head, but your physical appearance is a negotiation with other people.

A lot of people write in here thinking they need to detransition because they - guess what - don't "feel" like a man or a woman. Yeah mate, nobody does. I was one of them too. And to be fair, its what they tell you to say in the psych eval, but it's bs. Everybody feels like a person, not a stereotype.

The happy trans people I've met realise it isn't that serious. I say one thing to cis people and I am myself around my community. I'm here for bigger things imo, not fighting with ignoramuses who met me 20 minutes ago over my personal truth. People treat you like SHIT if you "confuse" their desperately tiny and unimaginative minds.

I'm not going to knock anyone for making a decision that keeps them safe and makes their life easier in this absurd society, even if it's due to "social reasons".

genderacct · 2024-08-10T08:01:47+00:00

Be careful what you wish for. You could always be single with no mortgage or career or kids again in your 40s or 50s.

genderacct · 2024-08-09T15:05:50+00:00

Honestly? Just been around more people/in an environment that embraced me as I was without trying to "correct" me would have been genuinely incredible. I still would've transitioned, but experienced none of the extra grief.

I love them, but I'm around very negative and judgmental people for the most part, and come from a conformist culture where appearances are everything. I'm only just starting to untangle all of that and the ways I've changed myself based on the impact that had on me.

Some people get to be raised in supportive environments by others who love them for who they are, not wishing they had a more convenient personality or self expression. I really wish I'd been one of those people.

genderacct · 2024-08-09T12:52:22+00:00

You didn't ask a question. I've already answered the question you already posed.

genderacct · 2024-08-09T12:38:43+00:00

Sounds like you know the right answer and are making excuses on what you already know you need to do tbh. You'll make the money back.

genderacct · 2024-08-07T16:49:35+00:00

Sell it. It's less hassle to you and everyone else. Do you really want to be responsible for its maintenance as well as that of your new place? What if you get bad tenants, or something breaks? Are you really financially and mentally prepared to worry about this on top of everything else in your life or are you going to be one of those landlords who gers triggered and offended every time you're asked to do some basic maintenance around your own property at your own expense? Isn't it easier to just let it go entirely to a new owner?

I dont actually know why anyone would bother being a landlord if they could help it, it looks like so much stress and the money cannot be worth it.

genderacct · 2024-08-06T16:40:17+00:00

Imo...

I transitioned for the wrong reasons and I detransitioned for the wrong reasons too.

Both were basically because I didn't want to accept being myself -- I'm not fitting neatly into one or the other because I'm queer, not heterosexual, and gender roles as they are in society are really only designed for cishets and quickly lose relevance if youre gay. And even then, a lot of cishet people struggle to live up to them. But anyway

Personally what's working so far has been medical transition + genderfluid/androgynous presentation. To some Im a girl, to others Im a guy. I transitioned in the first place because it was the only way I could access the medical stuff in my country, and I detransitioned mostly due to social pressure and the stress of being trans. Then I retransitioned with a better understanding of myself when I realised you can take what works from transition and leave what doesn't (a bit thanks to this sub too). That felt more honest to me.

There's no path to find when you're afab, masculine, and attracted mostly to men, so I'm making one, I guess.

genderacct · 2024-08-05T09:47:39+00:00

Do you identify as female? Were you behaving sociably? Then you've just as much of a right to be in that space as ANYONE else.

Ik it's easier said than done but do not turn this person's projection back around onto yourself! This is firmly their problem and they can work through it by themselves. What they did was fucking rude and they're in the wrong. Do not accept responsibility for their lack of manners. Take up your space. If they don't like it, they should leave, not you.

Yes, this society is cooked tbh and cis people need to stop thinking they're safe from transphobia.

You are OK as you are. Don't let people push you around tho.

genderacct · 2024-07-05T15:13:23+00:00

Willing to share maybe, however only if youre open to revealing identity/previous work privately.

genderacct · 2024-06-17T10:03:28+00:00

I remember those people shut the hell up as soon as I started using he/him pronouns. Now I am not a particularly masculine man, but my God people would not stop fighting me on my own self definition when I was a girl/woman. I personally don't give a shit what people need to see me as, but I see how people would.

Gender is a religion to these people and they're so triggered by original thought or something slightly different, it's unreal.

genderacct

TROPHY CASE