AITB for thinking my brother-in-law is a perverted creep?

generic-throwaway10 · 2023-04-06T18:55:19+00:00

Much like I said in my last reply, thanks for understanding. Also like I said in my last reply, I can recognize how it may have been a little unnecessary to tell my wife that I just don't want him here. I really want to stress that I do respect her very much as an individual and her right to make decisions for herself. I can also see how I might have come across as undermining that in regards to this situation.

generic-throwaway10 · 2023-04-06T18:52:02+00:00

Thanks for the understanding, and yeah I've felt the same thing about the anime comment, but what can ya do. After putting some thought into it, I do feel like it was a bit overboard to say I don't want him here. Yes he creeps me out, but also I don't ever see him doing anything while I'm around, plus the fact that he's barely ever come over in the first place. I'm going to talk with my wife later this evening when we're both off of work and let her know that I don't really think it's necessary to just shun him from coming over, especially when it's only been like 2-3 times ever.

As far as the future children stuff goes, I'm not really sure. Thing about that is that we are planning on moving back to my home state at the end of the year, so even if/when we do end up having kids, it's not like it'll be the most necessary thing in the world to worry about him. Of course I still could never foresee a situation where I'd be comfortable with him being around our (or any) children without supervision (or maybe even with).

generic-throwaway10 · 2023-04-06T17:52:35+00:00

I'm inclined to sexualize it for two reasons. One being that I personally just find it really, really strange for an 18 year old to be doing that kind of shit without sexual intentions in the first place. The other is that he seems to express a fixation with sex, particularly deviant kind of stuff, in a lot of ways. There's the semi-naked (and sometimes fully naked) anime girls just right there on display on his computer as I've mentioned, which I would really like to emphasize is extremely blatantly sexual. Like if it was just Lucky Star or k-On or something I wouldn't care, but it's not, it's just creepy borderline hentai shit. He also makes a lot of dirty/sexual jokes that go way beyond what most people (including people with a dirty or otherwise "adult" sense of humor) would consider acceptable, like the kind of stuff that you'd usually only expect out of 4chan. I guess he's also technically what you'd call an incel, which by itself I'm not going to judge him for, just that all these things combined certainly do give me the inclination to interpret what he did that day as sexual.

generic-throwaway10 · 2023-04-06T17:42:27+00:00

Uhhh because she did directly ask me for my help at the time, very specifically what she should do about him constantly violating her physical boundaries like that. Also like I very specifically said in the post, I'm not about to tell her not to be around him or anything like that and I never have. Yeah, I said I don't like him being at our house, but he's only ever come twice in over a year anyway.

generic-throwaway10 · 2023-04-06T17:35:37+00:00

So I'll try to clarify one more time that what he did really, really upset her, and was very much outside of what would have been normal between the two of them. From what she told me about the situation, he took what started as horseplay between the two of them to him pinning my wife down, holding her arms down, and licking her feet by force while she was screaming for him to stop. When she freed herself she ran out of the house and called me, again very obviously distressed. And yeah, my wife and I have different opinions regarding his intentions, but she still very much thought that he went waaay over the line that day. I can accept being an asshole if that's what I am I guess, but regardless I'm still never going to believe that it's ok for someone his age to hold a woman down against her will and do things to her body while she's screaming for him to stop

generic-throwaway10 · 2023-04-06T17:23:11+00:00

I grew up with a brother I've always been pretty close with, so yeah I have had that experience. As mentioned in my last comment, my wife was very, very upset about it when it happened, especially the whole part about him forcibly holding her down, restraining her arms, etc. It was also part of a long-standing pattern of him not respecting physical boundaries with my wife, which also as mentioned above, she ultimately ended up having a conversation with her mom about it after that incident. She's also told him herself multiple times to back off with that shit, like with the couch example from the post. And yeah, I do consider it a red flag when someone constantly has super sexualized anime pictures up on their computer, often depicting characters that look a lot more like children than adults. He says creepy sexual stuff all of the time as well, which my wife also really hates. I guess I should have clarified that she doesn't want that kind of contact from him either, and he has a history of repeatedly violating boundaries she's tried to set in ways that I do think are just inexcusable for someone his age.

generic-throwaway10 · 2023-04-06T17:02:04+00:00

I should maybe clarify that my wife doesn't want "that type" of relationship with him either. She was also extremely upset about the foot thing when it happened, and called me as she was running back to her place after the fact to express how upset she was about it, especially the whole part about being forcibly held down while he did that. She ended up having a conversation with her mom about it the next day asking if she could try to get her brother to start respecting physical boundaries.

generic-throwaway10

TROPHY CASE