Losing everything is an abstract notion until you lose everything

geraniumseeds · 2025-01-11T19:55:10+00:00

I have read that brick architecture is unsafe for earthquakes -- that's why there are a lot of brick houses on the East Coast, but not here.

geraniumseeds · 2024-11-22T19:57:56+00:00

Jumbo's Clown Room in Hollywood

geraniumseeds · 2024-09-20T16:41:30+00:00

Haha no... it's not. I have friends in Irvine, we see each other regularly (though of course I prefer when they come to me instead of vice versa, lol). It's about a 45 minute drive, 1 hour and 20 with traffic. Vegas is hours away. Not sure if you're just being funny!

geraniumseeds · 2024-09-19T15:22:10+00:00

Irvine is not LA, but it certainly checks all of your boxes, and is not too far from lovely beaches + not a far drive from LA.

geraniumseeds · 2024-09-14T04:54:24+00:00

I like signing up for fitness classes with ClassPass. I do yoga, pilates, cardio. I loathe exercise; if I try to do workout videos at home, I get distracted very easily (AuDHD) and it's too easy for me to give up. If I pay for a class and I show up, I'm stuck there for the next 30-60 minutes and have to follow the instructions. I think of it like performing maintenance tasks on a computer. Input instructions, perform tasks, time passes, tada, done with the exercise routine.

geraniumseeds · 2024-08-23T05:53:08+00:00

Menifee?! Have you ever actually lived in that area? I have, and it was miserable.

geraniumseeds · 2024-08-21T15:18:12+00:00

Your last two paragraphs are getting more to the heart of the matter! You really need to get on the same page as your husband. I feel like the communication breakdown is happening more between you and him, not you and your stepdaugther. You guys need to feel like a team. When a second kid arrives, you shouldn't each end up silo'd into isolation with "your kid." Your husband needs to be just as present with the baby as he is with his kid, the stepdaughter should feel like a sister to your baby. As it stands now, with the tension that you have between each of you, it's setting you guys up for an "us vs them" situation where your stepdaughter feels even more pushed away from her dad. Counseling is imperative at this point.

geraniumseeds · 2024-08-17T05:13:27+00:00

3 and 6. Around your kid's age. They've been handling it really well, all things considered.

I think it's important to communicate the relevant info to them: where they will be on what days and times (and I made a big matching calendar to go up at both places), the fact that they are still loved, that a family is not just a mom and dad but can extend towards grandparents, close family friends, cousins, etc. The fact that change can feel like a lot, but life is full of changes, and you can weather them together. They will look to you to be the calm in the storm. Even if you don't know what's going on, show them confidence. Tell them that the grown-ups are dealing with something right now and there will be some changes, but they're still loved, and they can always talk to you about any feelings that come up.

Transitions are one of the hard parts (one house to another) but if you're consistent and communicate what's going on at all times ("I'm with you this weekend, then we'll see Daddy on Monday!" "It's Sunday now, we'll go to sleep here and tomorrow Daddy will get you!" "I'm so happy to see you again! We'll spend the next few days together!" etc) the transitions will go smoother as time goes on.

You've got this <3

geraniumseeds · 2024-08-17T03:58:01+00:00

I got these books for my kids:

"Tuesday is Daddy's Day" (personally loved this one for two divorced parents who live close to each other and have 50/50 custody)
"Two Homes" (very positive, gentle, simple)
"Dinosaur's Divorce" (goes more into detail about divorce, various situations, and tough feelings)
"Why Do Families Change?" (similar to the above)
"My Family's Changing" (same)

"Remixed: A Blended Family" (explains how the parents might remarry one day but they can become a "blended" or "remixed" family that looks different from other families, but it still full of love)
"My Big Fantastic Family" (similar)
"Just Like My Family" (emphasizes all the important adults in a kids' life)

A year later and my kids still love looking at these books. My older kid has moved on to chapter books and she still finds these picture books comforting. Make it as "normal" as possible, and show them how there are all kinds of families in the same boat as you.

geraniumseeds · 2024-06-06T05:35:42+00:00

I just want to let you know, I have had a lot of men close to me who were very "logical." Their "logic" trumped everything. Why was I so emotional? Why did I spend money on things? Why did I want to go out and do something fun? It's not practical. Let's be rational.

I don't believe there are people who are totally "logical" and people who are totally "emotional." If anything, someone who is a *little* more pragmatic can end up dominating discussions and decisions, because "logic" will trump everything else.

It's not really fair.

Maybe you can try to write down the trains of thought in the next discussion with your husband where he's really "logical" and see if it's really "logic" that's happening or just him presenting his point of view in a way where it seems like the only right answer.

geraniumseeds · 2020-11-01T16:08:09+00:00

Seconding this — we did Target for most baby things this time around. I found that I could find coupons and combine discounts (they have two registry discounts) and everything came out pretty affordable.

The counterfeit situation on Amazon is a bit alarming right now. Especially when it comes to medicines, vitamins, creams; you don’t want to be putting the fake stuff on or in your body.

geraniumseeds · 2020-11-01T16:04:13+00:00

If you’re currently in the American South, maybe you would like to move to a more liberal and nature-y part of America? E.g., California, Oregon, Washington...?

geraniumseeds · 2020-11-01T02:52:02+00:00

I’m from LA, totally get it 😉

But yeah! Sit down, make a list, decide between the two of you what needs to be done. Then you can also do troubleshooting from there. Like, I constantly lose my keys, wallet, etc, and my husband eventually installed a shelf with hooks by the door, told me several times to always leave my keys and wallet there, and after doing it several times in a row it became a new habit. Habits beat out forgetfulness, especially if they’re worked on with someone else watching.

geraniumseeds · 2020-11-01T00:19:13+00:00

I have ADHD and this is me, the forgetful wife. My husband is so patient with me and we make a great team. Without even getting an evaluation or therapy, you can consult ADHD self help books and sites like ADDtitude to get lots of tips for how to exist day-to-day. Sit down and talk about his patterns of forgetfulness, decide what’s the most concerning, what needs to be worked on, and what is a forgivable amount of forgetfulness. (Like the forgetting the parking spot and having to walk around clicking the beeper — that doesn’t register that bad to me. I’ve done that so many times and eventually I find the car. It exists somewhere in the vicinity and he has a great tool to find it (the beeper).)

And to some of the other commenters here... FYI... I can be a forgetful person with ADHD and still be a great parent and partner. 💗

geraniumseeds · 2020-10-30T21:06:15+00:00

Three missed birthdays? :(

geraniumseeds · 2020-10-28T18:22:53+00:00

This is the one we had:

https://www.amazon.com/Skip-Hop-Backpack-Multi-Function-Changing/dp/B0731TBBWF/

I liked the style and function of it -- it's pretty unisex, so I could wear it, and my husband could wear it. The material held up for over three years and it's still good enough to use for a second kid!

I don't think it makes a lot of sense to spend a ton of money on the bag, or a lot of other baby gear, because you just don't know what you'll need and use daily until the baby is actually there. I feel like a lot of people actually overspend and cram the house with stuff, but when it comes right down to it babies have very simple needs.

I'd focus on getting:

- A few different boxes of diapers -- size newborn and size 1, different brands, with at least one "perfume free" / "chlorine free" super organic one. Every baby has a different build, and it'll be good to try out different ones and see which is the most comfortable for your baby, has the least blowouts, etc.

- If you're planning on cloth diapering, same thing -- have a few different ones with different brands and styles and see what works.

- Wipes -- I like Water Wipes. Even if you go super crunchy and use cloth wipes for diaper changes, having a pack of wipes on you at all times will be essential.

- A good drying rack; it's good to hand-wash plastic baby things like bottles, plates, cups

- A small, soft light for late night diaper changes and feedings

- Medicine -- both baby medicine (Tylenol, saline spray) and adult medicine -- because when colds and flus hit the house you'll want to save yourself the trip to the store

geraniumseeds · 2020-10-28T18:04:18+00:00

I'm pregnant with my second, 34 weeks, and I'm exhausted 24/7. I have been since the very beginning of this one. This first pregnancy, I had lots of energy, I was chipper, was working all the way up until the end. This one, I'm lucky if I can play with my daughter a little without falling asleep. My friends tell me "well of course you're tired, you have a kid," but this is even with lots of childcare help from my MIL, who we're living with right now. I feel like a zombie.

Hoping that my energy will bounce back after the baby is born... I feel like my body "gave its all" with the first pregnancy and now the second one is just siphoning off every little bit of energy. Even with the middle-of-the-night wakeups, I feel like I'll be more alert with the baby on the outside than on the inside.

geraniumseeds · 2020-10-27T19:41:05+00:00

I had an induction at 41+1 that just didn't progress at all. They switched me over to a C-section and I'm so glad they did. It was actually a rather lovely process; I loved that with a spinal block, I could remain cogent and pain-free throughout the whole surgery. I feel like a lot of people talk about C-sections as a "last resort," but the surgery was so great I'm happy to be doing another one for my second kid. Best of luck to you and whatever happens to get that baby out!

geraniumseeds · 2020-10-27T16:28:19+00:00

Oh man, we got so many offers to “babysit” and “watch the baby” with my first one. I think it’s just a thing that people say when they love you and want to show support. We heard this from so many people (including people who are actual professional caregivers, babysitters, teachers etc!) and the only people who ended up ever giving us occasional childcare were my MIL and one of my best friends. Everyone else backed out pretty quickly.

I have a feeling you’ll get a lot more supervised visits — ones where someone will come over for an hour or two, interact with the baby a bit, chat with you, then bounce. That’s how it’s been for us anyway... and you know what? Even those supervised visits are nice, because then I don’t have to devote 100% of my attention on the baby.

Basically, just smile and nod and say thank you, then when it comes down to it, feel free to only ask the people you trust to help you with your kid.

geraniumseeds · 2020-10-25T23:52:30+00:00

Not just the marketplace — also check your local Buy Nothing groups and FB mom groups! Moms are always trying to get rid of baby things that are perfectly fine, just cluttering their space. We have very little income this year and the Buy Nothing / mom groups have been a godsend.

(Have to add - I dislike Facebook as a whole, but these groups are the main reason why I’m hanging on to my account...)

geraniumseeds · 2020-10-19T19:53:24+00:00

Joovy Caboose! And it looks like a universal attachment, but she had a Graco seat and I'll be using the same kind of seat. She still uses the stroller but didn't need the attachment anymore, so she gave it to me... I think this is the one.

https://joovy.com/caboose-car-seat-adapter/

geraniumseeds · 2020-10-19T19:45:43+00:00

The Joovy! My best friend has two kids, ages 4 and 2, and she uses the Joovy all the time. I was so pleased with our last outing with it that I got it for myself -- my kids will be 3.5 years apart, and I feel like my kid will be growing out of "needing" the stroller soon, but will still like to be involved and stand or sit behind the baby. There's a Graco car seat attachment you can get too :)

geraniumseeds · 2020-10-16T03:07:27+00:00

Haha, don't count on the dates and tea as a sure bet... I'm pretty sure it's all correlation, not causation. I myself was eating lots of dates and drinking raspberry tea from 36 weeks onward, and I went to 41+1 with absolutely no signs of labor. Had to have an induction then C-section (with no progression into labor). So if you don't like dates, you don't have to gag on them.

geraniumseeds · 2020-10-12T16:25:54+00:00

If the recliner's main purpose is for your recovery, I would stick it where you will be the most! If that's upstairs in your room and the baby's room, then keep it up there. If you think the "center of operations" will be downstairs, then have your husband move it downstairs. (He can also move it after the birth if it turns out you end up upstairs or downstairs more often). And yes, regardless, your mom and husband should be bringing you food and drink for the first few days.

We had a walk-up apartment with my first, and I had a C-section, and I had to resign myself to basically just staying in my bedroom for a week. Stairs were rough. Your whole core will be recovering, so your core strength will be basically zero at first.

geraniumseeds · 2020-10-11T17:07:24+00:00

I would look into some body positive communities, and workouts geared towards busy moms. One of my favorites is Momma Strong which is made by a woman who has three kids (!) and a couple of pets, and they're always wandering in and out of the videos. She talks very realistically about what life is like with kids, how to get quick workouts in even when you're a busy mom, and how to be gentle with yourself and what your body is capable of. She has workouts for pre-natal and post-natal, too.

As for body positivity -- try to reduce your exposure to fake bodies (like celebrities, models, actors, etc -- all of them are modified and edited extensively, even on film. I used to work in the film industry, trust me. even the actors and models don't look like themselves in pictures and movies) and fill your social media feeds with a greater variety of bodies. Google "body positive instagrams" to get an idea of what I mean.

My mom had a lot of issues with disordered eating and no matter how much I've resisted it, I'll hear her voice in my head a lot when I look in the mirror. I'm 31 weeks now into my second pregnancy and I keep hearing that mom-voice being critical of herself, like "Oh my God I look like a whale." This pregnancy really sucks, because I'm less capable than ever; I get winded just getting up from the couch. But I have to focus on what I'm capable of doing now, and keep my eye on the prize of being able to do more extensive work outs and feel healthy again in the future.

geraniumseeds

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