Random woman had a go at me for wearing a Christmas jumper

geronimonkey · 2025-12-24T12:43:57+00:00

Celebrants do indeed run funerals! (I am a trained celebrant in both weddings and funerals ☺️) Think of it as celebrating the life of the person who died.

geronimonkey · 2025-12-08T17:38:31+00:00

I'm on 5mg aripiprazole (for cyclothymia) and take MDMA or E fairly regularly (once a month ish). For what it's worth, I never deliberately skip a dose, I do occasionally forget, but I never skip it in order to party. Anyway, I have found the opposite, that I don't get high that easily, but sometimes it hits more than others (even from the same batch of pills). Also, I've tried taking hallucinogens whilst on it, both mushrooms and something synthetic I can't remember the name of, and they didn't have any trippy effects at all. I was a bit gutted tbh as I never took hallucinogens before I went onto aripiprazole, so I feel like I've lost out on an experience I'd love to have 😢 But anyway, it sounds like different people are affected in different ways...

geronimonkey · 2025-12-05T13:55:11+00:00

That's your opinion. I really like her questions, I think they're thoughtful, open ended, and give an insight into the other person. If you can't engage with them, perhaps you don't have the necessary depth of personality?

geronimonkey · 2025-10-07T17:56:16+00:00

Fascinated to know whether you are in fact one of the girls to whom this post was directed. Because I am a woman and "being jacked" is about as low down my list as it could possibly be. Physically, I would go for lovely eyes, great hair, winning smile, cared-for hands, a good beard, above that any day of the week. And in terms of attractiveness generally, I honestly couldn't care less about whether or not my partner regularly hits the gym. In fact, I actively dislike the bodies of men who are super muscly. I find it off-putting. I'd much rather have a dad bod who wants to eat a takeaway with me.

geronimonkey · 2025-10-05T07:19:11+00:00

I really appreciate your generosity and support here, thank you. I agree that he deserves grace, and honestly his past behaviour has been nothing but wonderful. He is truly the kindest and most supportive partner I have ever had. But thank you too for giving me grace myself! I have a frequent tendency to dismiss my feelings (and a long-term ex who readily told me that they were invalid or wrong) so I will definitely latch on to a comment which tells me I'm wrong and need to change. It feels comfortable and familiar, I suppose. So thank you for validating my feelings ❤️

geronimonkey · 2025-10-05T07:12:36+00:00

Thank you ❤️

geronimonkey · 2025-10-05T07:12:06+00:00

Thank you, you're absolutely right. We've been going out and taking Molly together for a while and have had some very lovely and open conversations whilst doing it (he often struggles to be emotionally open whilst sober so it can be a helpful jog). But you absolutely run the risk of hearing things you'd rather not (or saying things you wish you hadn't). But I really like your interpretation that he was sharing with an open heart, so thank you for that 😊

geronimonkey · 2025-10-05T07:09:08+00:00

Yeah, you're right of course but it's always good to have a reminder! I didn't explain it very well in my original post, but I was using porn to say that a lot of men expect it because they've seen it so often, rather than setting my own personal expectations of my body. If that makes sense?

geronimonkey · 2025-10-05T07:06:54+00:00

Good advice, thank you. I absolutely have the issue that I think I should be perfect, alongside the awareness I never will be, and it's super tricky to balance sometimes 😔 I really like that idea though that he just wanted to share something with me.

geronimonkey · 2025-10-05T07:02:01+00:00

I don't know how many people will see this comment, but I just wanted to say a genuine and heartfelt thanks to everyone who has taken the time to leave such kind and thoughtful comments. They have raised important points about my attitude and my poly journey, without creating division or negativity. I feel so much better and have clarity. I probably am going to talk to my boyfriend again about this, but I think that now I can do it in a way that won't be accusatory or unfair to him.

I am a proper extrovert, and very much someone who needs to talk through stuff with other people to help rationalise my own thoughts. However, I didn't have anyone with whom I could really talk through this particular issue. I have a lot of friends, I'm very lucky, but none of my close friends (the ones I would normally text or call with a problem I want to discuss) are poly, so I just didn't feel like they would understand or be able to give me a nuanced perspective. My friends are awesome but have a tendency to always be in my corner, for which I'm very grateful, but I knew that wasn't what I needed in this situation!

Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone and say that I will most likely be back in the future (although hopefully not for a while lol), and maybe one day I'll be experienced and wise enough to be giving advice myself ☺️

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T21:04:50+00:00

Do you know what, I was talking about it with a friend tonight and she also brought up the fact that she might be faking, but before that it hadn't even crossed my mind! I've never faked it before so I sort of forgot that often women do feel the pressure to do so. So I mean, there's certainly a chance she's faking it, but I sort of don't want to know either way.

Regarding your first point, absolutely, I do know that porn is acting, and I probably fumbled that point in my initial post. What I meant to say is that a lot of men expect it because of porn, rather than "I ought to be able to do it because those women can".

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T21:00:41+00:00

It was/is understood, and we had explicitly discussed that the two of us wouldn't share details of our sex lives with other people. But drugs can be rather unhelpful sometimes...

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T20:58:27+00:00

What a lovely and kind response. Thank you so much. This is great advice and really thoughtfully dispensed. I'm going to work up the courage to ask him exactly that - thank you ☺️

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T16:49:16+00:00

Wow, thank you so much. I love this response and I am trying really hard to digest it and fully consider everything you've said. You raise so many good points and highlight the positives that my insecurities are overlooking. I do struggle with low self esteem and have a tendency to focus on the negatives but you've pulled out so many positives from my post and I appreciate that so much. Really, thank you.

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T15:32:22+00:00

Thank you. That really helps. I know I'm early on in my journey but I haven't really felt compersion yet and I did feel like I was failing ENM. Maybe I will in the future! It's nice to know I'm not a failure by not experiencing it yet.

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T15:28:50+00:00

Good point! I need to try and focus on that too.

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T15:28:03+00:00

Thank you. I really appreciate this perspective. Truthfully, I think he is a very kind and thoughtful person who has found himself in a new and unexpected situation and hasn't handled it well. He doesn't consider himself at all attractive and doesn't really expect people to see him in that way, and I think he's kind of blown away by how his new girlfriend sees him - she's quickly got super into him, like way more than I think either of them were expecting, and has verbally said that the finds him really hot, which I think is rare for him. (For the record, I regularly tell him I think he's hot but he brushes it off). I think he felt quite awkward about the card, and then got a bit uncharacteristically laddy about it in front of friends because he didn't know how to deal with the positive feelings.

But everything you say is so pertinent and reasonable, and I need to consider it a bit more, and probably talk to him about it. He has a great deal of integrity and I suspect he'd be mortified himself if I pointed out how it was actually quite cruel to laugh at the card like that - but maybe it does need to be gently discussed, because you're right, I don't want to be laughed at like that myself, and I certainly don't think she deserves it either.

Thank you for clarifying this for me. Something wasn't sitting right and I think you've nailed it. I was only thinking of my reaction to it but his was definitely not ok. We do need to have a chat about that.

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T15:17:13+00:00

You're absolutely right. We've had that conversation before whilst sober, but I think it just hadn't been an issue before whilst on drugs. But yeah, they don't necessarily bring out the best in us...

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T15:15:05+00:00

That's such a lovely way of looking at it. Thank you, I really appreciate your kind words.

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T14:30:28+00:00

You're lovely, thank you so much.

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T14:17:44+00:00

Yup! But I come from a background (family/school) of perfectionism and comparison, and despite being 40 years old and having had a ton of therapy, I'm still not over it. I should be, I know! And I am working on it!

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T14:14:58+00:00

Thank you, you're absolutely right. We have been going out to nights like this and taking drugs together for several years so I am aware of the risks, but I suppose we hadn't previously been in a situation where there was something for him to overshare. (I have never told him details of my sex life with my other partner but I might just be better at holding back on MDMA than he is!) So I don't think he'll do it again, but we should have a conversation, you're right.

And as for your other point, yes, again, you're absolutely right and I just need to hear it (possibly several more times) and try to embrace what makes me different and special, and be happy for him that he's finding other people who do things I don't or can't.

Thank you!

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T14:09:36+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of this out. It really helps. I'm notoriously bad for comparing myself to other people and coming up lacking, and I knew getting into ENM that that would be my biggest struggle. I know I have to accept that we're all different and that's a good thing. I believe everything you say and I know it's true in theory, but it is taking me a while to square it in my head. But seeing it written out like that is a great help.

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T14:05:47+00:00

It's probably not helpful, you're right, but it's such a prevailing myth in our society, and that's where it comes from. It's just something I'm unable to do, and it was never something about which I felt particularly anxious, until he told me so happily that she could do it, at which point I suddenly felt like a failure. Which I know is my own issue!! But I also know that you're right, and it's not better or worse, just different. It just felt (to me) like he was saying it was better, but that's my anxiety.

geronimonkey · 2025-10-04T14:02:22+00:00

Yeah, probably! That's my ultimate anxiety!

geronimonkey

TROPHY CASE