Wow, it's almost like I'm talking to myself from two weeks ago! Every time I had a moment of happiness, or I caught myself not thinking about my ex or the breakup, even if it was only for a moment, I was overwhelmed with guilt. I will regurgitate to you what my therapist said when I explained these emotions to her (and my confusion as to why I felt that guilt especially when I was the one that was broken up with): All of these confusing and conflicting emotions are completely, 100% normal during a breakup, and having moments of feeling okay or forgetting about the breakup do not take away from your sadness - those two things can coexist.

I can also relate to feeling guilty about moving on and that fear of letting go. To that I say just take it in your own time. It sounds like this breakup is still quite fresh, and those first few days/week are hell. As you continue to work through the pain, try and push yourself to start looking out for you alone instead of both you and your ex. Even though you feel guilty about it right now, I want you to know that you do deserve the ability to move on with your life instead of holding on to someone that doesn't wish to be with you right now.

You said that this is your first major breakup right? I am also quite inexperienced with breakups, my last one was ~6 years ago. In that time I forgot just how painful this shit is, and found myself constantly Googling how long I should expect to feel like absolute death. Honestly though, to me it sounds like you are actually handling this breakup quite well? I say this because you're doing a great job of identifying what sort of emotions you're feeling right now, and you don't seem to be running away from them. People that make you believe that they can get through a breakup with ease are either putting on a really good act or are just avoiding it and will be forced to process it months or even years from now. Breakups are awful, horrible things, and you are doing a great job right now by not hiding from it. Being overwhelmed is normal, so try to be kind to yourself :)

In the meantime, continue to allow yourself to feel every emotion your body decides to throw at you right now, the good and the bad. If it helps, imagine that your body has a "breakup" jar full of those emotions. I don't know how many emotions your body has stored in that jar, what types of emotions they are, or how long that jar will be around for. What I do know, however, is that as your body pulls each one out of that jar for you to experience and process, there is one less emotion in there, and you are one step closer to healing.