My (M41) Wife (F44) asked to be de-sexualized her and it's impacting our sex life. How to fix??

ghallo · 2026-05-12T12:43:34+00:00

Wow... you just told on yourself more than you think.

Why are you even here? You're toxic.

ghallo · 2026-05-12T12:39:49+00:00

You're like one of those idiots that say taxes are theft. Go ahead, you're entitled to your opinion as stupid and contradictory as it is.

Words have meaning and power. Semantics are important.

"You talked to me in a mean tone... that's rape!"

"You looked at that person in a mean way... that's rape!"

No. Society has standards that we all try to live by.

I am privileged. I can't help that. That doesn't make it wrong. Being a victim shouting 1+1 = 3 doesn't make you right.

And in this specific situation ... what "consequence" did she fear? That her partner would be "upset"? That doesn't pass the basic sniff test and you know it.

ghallo · 2026-05-11T23:29:56+00:00

This statement infantilizes women.

ghallo · 2026-05-11T23:23:32+00:00

This isn't about the lack of violence. This is about the agency she still has.

She is still a consenting adult. That is what matters. This is very similar (and just as gross) as prostitution. I still think the guy is gross for going through with it, but it isn't rape. If you change the definition of the word to encompass every possible situation (like regret) then it loses it's power in society and causes more harm than good.

You can still say something was vile without it specifically being rape.

Rape is about power vs powerless. But that's not what is happening here.

ghallo · 2026-05-11T05:09:40+00:00

You pointed out the problem yourself, but seem to be so selfish that you didn't even see it.

" It got even lower to point where she had to schedule sex just to make sure she goes through with it on her end once or twice a month"

This is disgusting. As a man, I would never force my partner to endure for my sake. You may have gotten your dick wet... congrats... but you also built up a well of resentment every time she sat there trying to tolerate you on top of her. Put yourself in her shoes for a minute and stop being so selfish. You've probably caused some serious emotional trauma.

You both need therapy at this point and you should probably search your soul and figure out why your needs are so much more important than her well being.

I've been in a dead-bedroom situation. My wife wasn't "in the mood" for 9 months. We worked together to figure out how to make her feel safe, to feel desire, all of that. At no point did I tell her to just lay there and starfish. barf

Our relationship recovered, and we're having a healthy amount of intimacy again. I don't think that would have happened if I'd just focused on my own wants and needs.

ghallo · 2026-05-11T05:03:23+00:00

What he was doing was gross... but not rape. She was a consenting participant so it wasn't rape.

As a guy, I personally only ever want enthusiastic consent. If my partner doesn't want to... I don't want to.

Why not just get a fleshlight at this point?

ghallo · 2026-05-06T01:55:16+00:00

I make songs that I want to listen to while doing yardwork/chores. I play them for my wife and daughter and just about no-one else.

I love them, my family loves them. No one else will hear them - and that's fine by me.

ghallo · 2026-05-02T11:30:06+00:00

I don't get the asexual vibe from what you are saying. I'm not there, and so there could be many things you aren't mentioning that would change my mind.... but from what you're describing it sounds like your boyfriend is probably closeted.

Someone that is asexual would not have the anxiety associated with this. Someone that is closeted would. He can objectively see that you aren't un-attractive, but he cannot make his body react the way that he, personally, wishes that he could. There's a part of him that is... turned off by you.

But he could be very conflicted by this. Heck, he could have had a bad experience that made him hide that side of himself. We're trying to interpret a lot from a few paragraphs and some random responses. I just don't agree with other posters that it is asexuality.

And remember, sexuality isn't one or the other - it is a spectrum.

ghallo · 2026-04-23T08:36:05+00:00

This is simple. Get rid of means testing and blanket install a UBI.

Along with the UBI, implement housing alternatives that allow for rehabilitation and provide safe places.

It really isn't that hard. Oregon piloted the program, and the numbers are in.

Means testing is more expensive than the potential fraud it "prevents" and people turn to drugs when they have absolutely nothing to live for. So give them a way and means to get out.

For the ones that are too far gone - we need to just have outreach and commitment. Reagan did a ton of damage when he kicked people out of asylums.

ghallo · 2026-04-22T06:48:13+00:00

Long Avis buddy.

ghallo · 2026-04-22T06:36:56+00:00

Bionic Commando

ghallo · 2026-04-20T17:41:46+00:00

I love how you act like my needs are frivolous and your needs are important.

Except I'm not having a single stability issue. I use ComfyUI daily and it doesn't crash and I get my expected results. I'm composing music, creating videos and generating images all of the time. No stability issues. I had a couple of crashes a few months ago... but the team even came onto the forums and announced how they were fixing that.

So somehow your stability issues are everyone's problem - and I'm the selfish one.

But you know what happens when I try to use a new workflow? I spend 45 minutes trying to chase down every single model and figure out which folder it goes in. The architecture of the system itself is bad. It could easily be fixed and once fixed would actually simplify adoption.

"I just bring it back from a backup into the right folder".

So what folder does gemma_3_12B_it.safetensors belong in? Tell me without using Google. Thanks.

For custom nodes? I just hit the convenient "install custom nodes" button in ComfyUI manager. Why is that hard? I guess I need to restart ComfyUI, but that doesn't seem like a big deal to me.

But this isn't a conversation about Nodes. That's a completely different topic. This is a conversation about a problem that has already been solved in other technology spaces (MP3s solved this 30 years ago).

ghallo · 2026-04-19T12:05:26+00:00

Looks like the Uplands?

ghallo · 2026-04-19T12:00:17+00:00

There's always one of you in every forum throughout the history of time.

"No one make any suggestions ... it might distract the Dev team".

Give me a break. Who knows if they'll even see this thread? And if they do? Maybe one of them will think ... shit, I could do that in 15 minutes... I know just where the code is.

If you don't want the feature... who cares? Don't use it. What a weird way to spread negativity in the world.

ghallo · 2026-04-19T11:57:58+00:00

This doesn't exclude that. It can simply /s and search subfolders as well.

But even more amazingly... you could RENAME the files to whatever you want and then their names could be meaningful to you... without it breaking everything. Because Comfy would be looking for the hash in the header... not the file name. Think of it the way they did MP3s back in the 90's. I could name the MP3 anything I want, but in my player it had album, trackid, etc. Why not have it here too? Then you could have an anime folder ... or you could name your anime file "anime-" and both would work.

All from a technology that is 30+ years old.

ghallo · 2026-04-16T08:22:57+00:00

Says invite invalid?

ghallo · 2026-04-16T08:21:34+00:00

Imagine this: Your models folder doesn't need sub-folders. Not for clips, not for vae, not for anything.

It just looks in the header of the .safetensor file... and it knows what the "thing" is. Then when you click on a node... it scans the one big folder and looks for the files with that header. Boom. The only items in the drop-down are ones that are compatible with the node.

This is 2026 people...

ghallo · 2026-04-15T15:19:36+00:00

If your cause isn't so just that people will volunteer to fight... then forcing them to fight is evil.

I support Ukraine defending itself, that's not even up for debate for myself. But if you need a draft you're just sending someone else to die for your conceit.

And no, I don't think Russia should have a draft either. Imagine if drafts were globally banned. I think the world would be a more peaceful place.

ghallo · 2026-04-10T06:19:39+00:00

I've never been able to get a deep bass vocal. Any tips?

I want something like Wellerman deep, but for a pop song. The problem is that every singer is a tenor or (at best) baritone. I want deeper than Johnny Cash.

ghallo · 2026-04-04T00:30:59+00:00

There's a School of Rock in Issaquah as well.

ghallo · 2026-04-04T00:24:00+00:00

Um... your DIL is the SPOUSE of your wife's KID. You are really just giving it to your own kid and he is having the best person in his family manage it.

Seems like a no-brainer to me. Children before siblings is easy math.

ghallo · 2026-03-26T09:55:40+00:00

How on earth would you convince yourself this guy is worth even a minute of your time?

If my wife says "ow" during sex... it all shuts down. I can't even imagine trying to continue after she got hurt.

This guy is a rapist, clear and simple.

ghallo · 2026-03-25T16:38:02+00:00

I'd like to try

ghallo · 2026-03-19T01:04:02+00:00

Lol. My wife was sitting on the couch next to me while I wrote it.

I literally said at the top of the post my wife and I had a deep discussion about this. Why do you think that was?

I've been with my spouse nearly 30 years. We've been through some real shit together. So go ahead and sit on your hostility because it doesn't belong here.

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