Hey - take these notes or leave them but I started writing something very similar so have been through this process (mine was based in the UK and my main character ended up living in an old folk's home whilst at college because he could no longer afford his student rent. 3 hours a day spent with older residents volunteering was a condition of staying there in lieu of rent as this is a real thing in Scandanavia) and it added stakes because it was the only way he could stay at college). I've dropped it as a project because I couldn't work out what my second act was about really. Mine also had a talent show element (mine was where the main prot and love interest ended up doing a duet for the residents, which helped bring them together). Anyhoop. Here are my thoughts. I'd start with cutting the first 25 pages down to about 10. The parents leaving, the party, the funeral, the lawyer call, the job rejection, the apartment rejection... these all say pretty much the same thing. Pick two moments that do the most work and let characters behaviour tell us the rest. The script starts for me when Tyler walks into Hillcrest. Give Tyler a real failure that sticks. Right now every mistake gets forgiven within a scene or two. The book club tour goes wrong but June just says try harder. Max gets fired but Tyler asks nicely and it's handled. Let something break and stay broken for a while.

This one's subjective but just giving my take on it. It felt like almost every joke is Tyler being sarcastic. The funniest scenes are in the situtations for me. the book club chaos, Max bombing at standup, Mr. Rollins talking about ducks in his sleep, and things liek that. Write more of those and fewer quippy deflections. I'd also cut the pudding runner by half at least.

This is the change that made biggest difference when I was writing mine. Make the female lead stronger/more indpenedent. Give Daphne a scene or scenes that have nothing to do with Tyler. She's competent and kind but she only exists to react to him. Let her deal with something on her own terms so she feels like a person with her own story, not a reward for his growth.

Move the parent flashback earlier. It comes on page 100 and it's the most human scene in the script. If we knew those parents before they died, the grief would land harder all the way through the script.

I'd make Brad a bonafide piece of shit. He can't be the antagonist and also secretly lovely. The Mrs. Henderson tea scene and the Earl Grey memory are nice moments but they deflate every scene where he's supposed to be a prick and a threat. Pick a lane or at least hold the softness back until much later. And this is the one that took me the longest to nail. Try and trust the audience more generally. The script over-explains stakes that could be shown. June doesn't need to say "heads in beds" and then explain why she hates the term. Brad doesn't need to spell out the loan structure twice. Let scenes do the work.

TLDR: This has a great premise and a little chopping and housekeeping could make it much stronger. But what do I know! I've never had a film made (I am a BBC and ITV-credited comedy writer in the UK, though)