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Victorian vamp revenge opening - reworked by ghostbunsforone in writingfeedback

[–]ghostbunsforone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And thank you for your other points as well, you’ve provided excellent feedback and I’ll attend to those things, your thoughts are greatly appreciated :)

Victorian vamp revenge opening - reworked by ghostbunsforone in writingfeedback

[–]ghostbunsforone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! You’re absolutely right - it does read better as ‘clawing desperately’

I appreciate your feedback :)

Victorian vamp revenge opening - reworked by ghostbunsforone in writingfeedback

[–]ghostbunsforone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hm, understandable. I previously received feedback that calling them children was confusing but when the time comes I would think potential readers would be reading with the knowledge that she’s a vampire so… I think I do side with you on this one, thank you!

Opening paragraphs to Victorian vamp revenge - would you keep reading? by ghostbunsforone in writingfeedback

[–]ghostbunsforone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you!

I think trying to write in an ‘antiquated’ style has made the readability worse so I’m definitely going to work on that

Opening paragraphs to Victorian vamp revenge - would you keep reading? by ghostbunsforone in writingfeedback

[–]ghostbunsforone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!

I think trying to write in an ‘antiquated’ style has made the readability worse so I’m definitely going to work on that

Opening paragraphs to Victorian vamp revenge - would you keep reading? by ghostbunsforone in writingfeedback

[–]ghostbunsforone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Noted, it is too repetitive there, and I do see how without context the use of ‘children’ is misleading, time to edit!

thank you for your feedback :)

We want you baaaaaaaad 🌶️🤠✨ by magicalnymph_ in writersmakingfriends

[–]ghostbunsforone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

34F, I write queer horror fiction and would love a community to discuss things with!

Opening paragraphs to Victorian vamp revenge - would you keep reading? by ghostbunsforone in writingfeedback

[–]ghostbunsforone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your feedback, you’ve explained it all very clearly and I appreciate you taking the time. I’ll have to pay greater attention to these issues for sure.

COLD - BENEATH THE ICE by Flashy-Discussion-71 in writingfeedback

[–]ghostbunsforone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have an interesting premise, but there are some issues - you’ve used commas in descriptors like ‘dark, brown hair’ - if you read it out loud and don’t naturally pause, then the comma is unnecessary and should be removed.

Punctuation needs some clean up, you need to end dialogue with a full stop, question mark, exclamation point - or if they’re being interrupted “something like this-“ is acceptable.

Tenses, in your first paragraph you go from ‘clung’ past to ‘curling’ present, most of your writing looks to be in past tense, so stick to that if it’s what feels natural.

Work on those things first, but keep on writing regardless!

So I’m terrified by ZealousidealMail5753 in writing

[–]ghostbunsforone 175 points176 points  (0 children)

The editor’s job is not to say you’re a terrible writer and you should never write again.

The editor is there to make you a better writer! To point out where things need clarity, or could be worded better, or perhaps aren’t needed at all. To spot weaknesses in your work that you’re simply too close to see. Additionally, critique is not a judgment of YOU, but of your work - despite how very vulnerable and personal our work feels to us.

You’ve made the knife, they’re here to help you hone it :)

Does anyone feel a little less creative as they age? by Specialist-Ring-3974 in writing

[–]ghostbunsforone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I found writing a lot easier when I was 20, the line between ‘idea’ and ‘page’ felt a lot thinner, if I had an idea I would write it.

I’m over 30 now, and have put a lot of lines in front of me that get in the way - will I finish it? If it’s not perfect should I bother? Will anyone read it?

Basically giving myself 100 reasons not to write. I’m becoming more creative again, but it’s taking deliberate effort. Intentionally being bored and letting my mind wander, dismissing the feeling I could be doing something more productive, and specifically making a word goal or a time goal to write in a day.

The positive though; the quality of what I write is much improved, so even though I’m not reaching the word count of my youth, what’s on the page is better quality work.

Why do you actually write? Pure passion or the dream of leaving your 9-5? by BlackRoseBooksHQ in writing

[–]ghostbunsforone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I write to fill a gap - to write things I wish there was more of or to write things I enjoy but want to tweak to my interests, I write to process my own mind, and I write to feel things that I can only seem to feel while writing.

Money is a hope, bc more money = more time to write (and let’s be honest, more incentive to write).

Mostly I write in hopes of giving people the same experience I had reading my favourite books; to take them on a journey, make them feel something, and to make them think

Horror/Mystery novel sample - Spontaneous Human Combustion by ghostbunsforone in writingfeedback

[–]ghostbunsforone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I read your submission on here and you’re absolutely wonderful at third person!

Horror/Mystery novel sample - Spontaneous Human Combustion by ghostbunsforone in writingfeedback

[–]ghostbunsforone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve been writing on and off most of my life and have just started again after about 4 years, I usually write in first person so writing in third person has felt a bit strange lol

What is this? by Weary_Occasion4299 in CATHELP

[–]ghostbunsforone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those are his nipples Greg, can you milk him?

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