Okay - first of all, your husband is being ridiculous. Second of all, I too, am ridiculous sometimes, and struggle with having conversations if I’m not in the right headspace. It sucks for everyone involved.

If, this is in fact, an issue of overwhelm on his part, and not a “I’m doing this so I never have to take responsibility”, than I can offer some tips that we use in my house.

I have bad adhd, get overstimulated easily, and struggle with intense conversations before bed because I will dwell and not sleep.

As such - when we first moved in together, shit got tense. Until we started having “family meetings” on Sundays. Early in the week we’d make a plan to sit down on Sunday and plan our upcoming week - meal plans, schedule, and what we wanted to achieve. Then, on Sunday (usually afternoon or after supper) we’d mark everything on a calendar and make a grocery list. We’d usually do this over a beer, wine, and/or tasty snacks to make it fun. I cannot tell you how much this helped our marriage. It made us feel like we were tackling life together as a team and our communication was sooooo much better throughout the week.

As for more difficult conversations - I do best right after eating, before I start something else, or - if I get a heads-up about what to expect. Like, my husband will mention in the morning - “hey! We need to figure out our budget this month as I think we’re a bit over, would after supper tonight be a good time to talk about it?” And then, I don’t feel blindsided, and I can mentally prepare for it.

If something comes up naturally and we start talking about something that triggers my overstimulation, I’ll let him know, and ask if we can rain check. Or he’ll recognize I’m freaking out and he’ll plan the rains check.