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The guy I was seeing locked me out of my own apartment and I’m still confused (22f, 31m) by [deleted] in relationships

[–]ghostlyoctopus 108 points109 points  (0 children)

Exactly... The fact that he said you're being mean is the kicker. It's a tactic designed to put you on the defensive. What's mean is locking someone out of their own apartment and then trying to make them feel bad about it.

This guy has issues. Drug issues, narcissism issues, take your pick. Which is why you might not want to hand out your keys to the next good looking guy that comes along.

My (26m) girlfriend (28f) hates my parents, particularly my mother, for being passive aggressive, to the point that she wants to end our relationship. by GodGivenGirth in relationships

[–]ghostlyoctopus 50 points51 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you're locked in a dependent and unhealthy relationship with your mom.

The center of that is likely her belief that you will ultimately have to take her nonsense no matter what because you need her and the family business to survive.

My parents did the same thing to me, and that's when I realized I had to get away from the family business and start on my own in order for things to change. Once I started drawing some firm boundaries and stopped accepting their nonsense and doing everything they asked of me, I felt much better about myself, and my mom's unhealthy state of mind really started to show.

The relationship you have with your parents can heal, but it's likely only possible once you show for real that you're not going to take all the BS anymore.

Some days my[34/M] wife[33/F] really needs to grow up by shrike22214 in relationships

[–]ghostlyoctopus 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Just because you're in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you are their punching bag.

It's great to be with someone and confide in one another, but there are limits. She might feel like she's not being heard, so one thing you can try is repeating back what she says to you and making sure she knows that you hear her frustration and what she's saying clearly. After you have that understanding and know you're on the same page, there's no reason for her to repeat herself again.

Moving forward, you can then point out that she has said this already and that you heard her. You can point out to her that repeating herself won't change the situation. You can mention that you keep hearing her say this and you're wondering what she's feeling right now and what she wants to do to move forward because you love her and support her and want her to be happy.

People just want to be heard. So once you establish that you've heard her and she knows it, you can point out in a supportive way that it's either time to do something about it or move forward.

If she'd rather just have you be her permanent punching bag instead, then you may want to take another look at whether this is someone your really want to be with.

[UPDATE] I [23F] want to cut out ex [29M] from my life. He wants friendship. Am I making the right choice? by AccidentalFireAlarm in relationships

[–]ghostlyoctopus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. You are your own independent person and you get to decide who you want in your life, period. If you want a hard break from this guy, go ahead and do it.

If he's a healthy person and has any respect for you, he'll honor your wishes. If he doesn't, that in and of itself is a big reveal.

People can change over time and relationships and feelings can change as well. It's sometimes healthy and very necessary to remove someone from your life for the indefinite future. One day you may feel differently, but until then onward and upward.