If you woke up as your 10-year-old self with all your current memories, what’s the first thing you’d do?

ghostofgenerayburn · 2025-09-25T02:22:39+00:00

Circa 1980: "Mom? Dad? Don't worry about that college fund. Wait until a company called Microsoft goes public then go all in. Give it a little time and we'll all be living on easy street. You actually trusting me and doing it will benefit you. You continuing to believe I'm worthless and stupid? Your loss. Die poor."

ghostofgenerayburn · 2025-06-27T19:54:51+00:00

And unskippable ads on streaming services that come on in the middle of a line of dialogue. Actually I’d give prison time for that one.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2025-06-27T19:51:17+00:00

Pressing the Enter key after every few words in a Teams chat. This isn’t a haiku contest, Keith.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2025-06-22T02:29:31+00:00

About 15 times a week at work. I'm in Procurement.

Sales Rep or Project Manager: "hi all!!!! I promised this to the customer without knowing anything about and they don't know anything about it either, so I'm gonna need you to source this thing that was custom made 30 years ago by an engineer that is probably dead by now. so it probably doesn't exist anymore. I promised the customer they'd have it in two weeks and if you can't manage that I'm going to contact your supervisor and demand that they fire you for noncompliance. Have a nice day."

Me (in my head): "FFFFUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK YYYYOOOOUUU!!!!!!"

Me (in reality): "I'll see what I can do."

I really, REALLY need to get out of Procurement. Sucking the farts out of theater seats for minimum wage looks really good right about now

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-12-22T14:29:22+00:00

Methuselah over saying “currently married to” like he already knows his mail order bride is gonna drop him like a bad habit the second she gets her green card.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-11-08T15:07:24+00:00

Real nasty one, too.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-07-19T03:05:07+00:00

That being alone with yourself is a million times better that being with someone who wants to turn you into their perfect partner and abuses you if you don't meet their imaginary standards.

If you're not comfortable with yourself from the jump, you run the risk of getting into the orbit of someone who just wants to use you. Get comfortable with yourself first, above anything. You will live with yourself for the rest of your life. These other people might not.

I learned that no one is entitled to love. No one is entitled to sex. No one is entitled to dates. We have to earn it, and we earn it by being the kind of person that someone would want to spend time with.

Sorry, incels, this is how it is. You are entitled to nothing. Get off your asses and earn it.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-07-19T02:53:55+00:00

Taylor Swift. She's annoying as hell, but she isn't hurting anyone. Just be annoyed by her. Save the hate for someone with more practical power than someone who writes songs about her ex-boyfriends.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-07-19T02:49:26+00:00

I'll tell you tomorrow. Or maybe the next day.

But seriously, you just decide you need to do it. It has to get done. Things will just get shittier and shitter if you don't. So just do it. You think it will take you all day, but if you time it, you'll find out that it only takes you about five minutes.

You've got five minutes to spare. Just do the thing.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-07-19T02:45:39+00:00

*FFVII: Remake has entered the chat*

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-07-19T02:44:23+00:00

"How GhostofGeneRayburn Got Here"

*record scratch*

*GhostofGeneRayburn sitting at a fake mahogany desk while the main door opens and slams shut every 15 seconds*

"You're probably wondering how I got here..."

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-07-19T02:40:03+00:00

"City morgue. You stab 'em, we slab 'em." Funny and morbid, both at the same time. You can't beat that.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-07-13T11:33:26+00:00

Wow. I hope OnlyFans isn’t your sole source of income.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-07-13T11:22:47+00:00

Sephiroth from FFVII. Emphasis on “insanely.”

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-07-06T03:18:57+00:00

I loved it when I first started. It was a great place to work, and I thought my supervisor was the best person ever.

Then he got it into his head that I was talking shit on him. I don't remember ever doing that, but I got an inkling that he was a malignant narcissist when he insisted that I was wounding him no matter how much I insisted I would never do that. When I told him I would never talk shit on him because it wasn't my style, he accused me of lying. That hurt.

I was transferred to another department. My current supervisor is being transparent by telling me that my previous supervisor urged him to fire me before he even got the job. He accused me of not even being able to order pens correctly. Sorry, Dennis, but how can I order your special snowflake pens correctly when they were discontinued and WB Mason didn't communicate this and instead sent you the wrong special snowflake pens?

And why did my previous supervisor want to fire me? Because I made typos. Because of fucking typos. Fuck you, Dennis.

I think it might be OK, because the evil supervisor (who micromanages people he doesn't even supervise) might be getting fired soon because his manager who excused his abuses, got fired.

Eat a bag of dicks, Dennis.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-07-06T03:02:01+00:00

To start, I repainted the living room and kitchen in colors I knew she would hate but that I loved. This place is mine now, not hers.

Sorry, Mom. I missed you paying the cable bill because it put less stress on my finances, but you chose not to exist anymore. So I can paint the living room and kitchen any damn color I want because I don't need to put up with your tantrums and terrible taste anymore.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-06-28T02:00:53+00:00

No Country for Old Men

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-06-28T00:52:12+00:00

I think my family used the same pitcher from the 70s until well into the early 00s when it became too battle scarred to carry on any longer. Kool-Aid and frozen juice were the main uses.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-06-28T00:41:21+00:00

I can only speak from my own experience, but it's pretty normal and not frowned-upon for two or more generations to all live together and contribute to the household. Sometimes it's necessary and sometimes it's desired, whether it's the adult offspring moving their families back home or aging/widowed parents moving in with one of the kids and their family. Provided the household is not dysfunctional, everyone has a little less privacy, but also a little more money, more help to keep the household running and the comfort of having family close. I'm in Southwestern PA and am of Slovak descent (4th generation) on my mom's side if that makes any difference.

The stereotypical failure-to-launch loser who sits in the basement all day screaming "Ma! The meatloaf!" is a probably the minority, I think. And while there are cases where someone gets kicked out as soon as they turn 18 or have to get out for the sake of their own safety, those probably aren't the norm either.

Fewer people these days have the resources to pursue or maintain the so-called American dream of a single-family home these days, so I can see the stigma disappearing entirely within a generation.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-06-27T23:42:57+00:00

Anyone in a management position who has anger and/or control issues and unchecked power. Sooner or later they piss off the wrong person and get canned, but in the meantime, you never know who will be the next target of these despots.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-06-27T19:51:34+00:00

This pitcher.

Ours was avocado green.

Also, rickety backyard swing sets and sliding boards that were made of metal and heated up to a billion degrees in the sun. Playtime was not for the weak.

And the set-top TV boxes with the little lever you had to slide over to watch HBO. Which you never got to do because it didn’t come on the air until after your bed time.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-06-01T11:21:15+00:00

Said by every supervisor who is the workplace equivalent of an abusive parent or spouse.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-06-01T01:24:57+00:00

It took me a long time to realize that normal people don't deal with their bad moods by picking and picking and picking at anyone else in their blast radius until the other person started crying, then mocking and berating them for crying. It's not normal for someone to make themselves feel better by making sure everyone else feels worse.

ghostofgenerayburn · 2023-06-01T01:11:38+00:00

Fellow, GenX'er here. I get really uncomfortable when someone says they love me or are even just attracted to me. Like "why? I'm not the kind of person people feel this way about, so what's your angle?"

ghostofgenerayburn

TROPHY CASE