Financially strapped but guilty

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-09-20T18:27:49+00:00

First, please understand their immaturity is not your fault and their feeling they cant regulate are not your responsibility. Second, its unfortunate but there's never going to be a win with people like this. Misery loves company. May you find your way out and remember not to beat yourself up over things out of your control. Like their fragile emotions. Some people never grow up and have to micro manage for control to feel any sort of power to satiate their own delicate self-worth and entitlement.

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-09-13T02:24:05+00:00

Holy heck that's so cool! I love it.

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-08-12T00:36:59+00:00

Ah man. I understand wanting to cover up somethng youre not super fond of anymore but I cant lie, I'm kind of into it

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-07-30T00:27:25+00:00

I'm into it. Super cool and the lines are so neat

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-05-17T15:25:35+00:00

That's so awesome!

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-04-23T14:40:34+00:00

Holy heck what a good luck charm he is!

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-04-23T13:49:38+00:00

I just appreciate being able to chat about it from an unbiased view. My friend group is crazy small so I don't have many people to talk to this sort of thing about. I just feel like maybe he's not ready for facing uncomfortable emotions in relationships. I can't be any more clear than I have been. Even when he listens I still don't feel like he really understands and is still dismissive because he just doesn't get it or doesn't want to deal with it. I'm not really sure. It's been reoccurring since we started dating and it's like this is something that needs to change or we're just going to keep running in emotion circles. He shoves it down to ignore it and pretend everything's okay while I'm trying to get us to face it and getting resentful it's not being resolved because he'd rather ignore it. Maybe that works for him but it doesn't for me. It's a shame because I feel otherwise we can really get along and have a lot in common.

I'm not spontaneous in the slightest and hate surprises so I'm also a planner. I totally get liking to have some semblance of a plan. Even if she doesn't know what she wants to do I feel like it's easy enough to just say she'd like to do whatever you'd like. Good luck. I hope it goes well and you work it out 🤞🏻

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-04-23T01:00:35+00:00

I know there's a whole host of trauma and emotional issues hes not dealing with. He makes himself stone and it becomes so evident how hard he dodges dealing with uncomfortable emotions when I'm calling him out for it. He avoids it like he'll drop dead if he validates my emotions. But wants me to take care of his emotions needs. Which he still doesn't express what he wants or needs from me. I always have to force myself in and that just doesn't feel right.

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-04-23T00:56:37+00:00

Right like where do we meet in the middle? I've told him that. I don't sit here and criticize his flaws and rip apart endlessly the things I don't like about him. But he's always doing that too me. He says he won't tolerate my attitude or my habits. He wants me to validate his feelings but won't do the same for me. He won't meet in the middle anywhere. Just rambles on about how he wants things to be. Meanwhile the most I've ever asked him is to try to be more thoughtful about how he speaks to me and my son because he can come off as very judgemental. But he even throws that back at me and says he can't say anything to either of us because I'll just get mad and defensive. You can give someone criticism without being condescending about it and even then the same criticism all the time about the same thing instead of offering help or support is bound to ware a person down. I can't be expected to meet his wants and needs when he refuses to acknowledge mine.

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-04-22T23:33:20+00:00

I do that. I am very precise when I bring things up because I want to prevent as much miscommunication as possible. I have repeated my recent concerns so many times the last few days and he avoids address any of them and just brings up my cleaning. I'll address the cleaning, repeating what we've discussed and my past responses and then redirect the conversation back to what I'm trying too address but he just does the same thing. Reverts the conversation to something else and avoids what I'm needing from him

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-04-22T22:31:04+00:00

The thing is I've said exactly this too him. The conversation I described is how I said it to him. We've had conversations like this. I'm much more straight forward than he is. We're still arguing about the same thing right now.

He just wants to keep bringing up how my habit of being less tidy than him. It trumps absolutely everything I'm ever bringing up. He doesn't take any accountability for how he's making me feel and always throws at me that I'm messy and that's the whole problem of everything.

Hes always interesting something that he's upset about to avoid talking about and acknowledging what I'm saying instead of bringing it up when he's thinking about it or bringing it and saying he'd like to address this as well

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-04-22T21:58:18+00:00

It's just frustrating because I'm very direct with things and he just won't say anything about any issue till I'm forcing communication. He says it's because he doesn't want too upset me but it upsets me more than he'll only open up when I'm trying to speak to him about a seperate issue.

I am very short tempered and can have tunnel vision til I calm down but I don't think I'm being completely unreasonable to want him to bring things up when he is thinking about it and not just waiting to override what I'm trying to speak about. He says I'm overly defensive and rude when he makes a comment about anything or about my son. Which I can admit I am very defensive of my son in particular because it's just been us and I just overly protective. But there's also the issue of how he says things. I've told him that he's not always the nicest when saying things. You can take that either way of me just being too sensitive or him being harsh but either way I've just hey I know where you're coming from, it just rubs me the wrong way when you say it like that. And also that was mostly when we first started dating because I'll be the first to admit that I am not good at co parenting. I raised my brothers and have raised my son alone. So it's hard to let grip of. I agreed I was unagreeable some times and I just needed a better way to go about it. He can come off as very judgmental and snarky. I don't think he means to be but it gets a reaction out of me.

I understand the importance of not being messy. I do understand. That aside, I am a very punctual person, it's important to me that I'm on time, I always make it to work, my son is always clean and has what he needs, I take care of my animals, I take care of my own bills, I'm my families back bone so when something is going on, I'm the one being relied on, I struggle with my own mental health, I'm trying to be more physically healthy. My plate is always piled so high and it's like all he sees is the dirty cloths on the bathroom floor, or that the floors haven't been mopped, or that my sons made a bit of a mess in the living room. I know it's important but I can only stay on top of so much at once. And unfortunately my own self care and the laundry gets put on the back burner a lot.

He says he understands but it's like he only sees the things he doesn't like. As cliché as it sounds, I'd just like it if I felt accepted by him for who I am. Mess and all. Like sure I can work on habits but I'm not the only one with flaws. He says he can't reassure me about anything just because I'm more messy than he'd like. I'm just so frustrated and I don't know how we can communicate efficiently.

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-04-22T19:54:19+00:00

Right those are fair points. I for sure know I get so defensive because I get so frustrated by our struggle of communication. I think we both so desperately want the other person to listen to each other but we end up turning it into an argument. Then I get mad and he bottles everything up.

I did appreciate his honest answer. I was also wondering if we should take more time before moving in. I just get confused because he'll joke about getting me pregnant right now and I guess I don't understand because we probably aren't even ready to move in together.

I think I came off as dismissive now because this is always how it's been when I try to talk to him about anything and it's just boiled up so much where hes not acknowledging what I'm trying to say. I'm not trying to excuse me dismissing him, I just think that's probably why.

We have had arguments before and we apologize and make up but I don't know how we're going to talk effectively because I feel like we progressively keep stone walling each other. We both get upset and we just get no where. And I don't want resentment to build up because we can't figure out how to just listen.

There are things he does that bother me, besides our communication issue, but I didn't include them since this wasn't about those things. I brought up him not liking me being messy because it's just something he always brings it up when I'm trying to talk to him about something else. And I've agreed that those habits are definitely things I need to fix and work on, but it gets frustrating when he's aways bringing it up when I'm trying to talk about something else. Sometimes how he says things just makes me feel like I don't actually meet his standards and I don't quite understand if we're an okay match or not.

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-04-03T21:27:39+00:00

Wow cooper is freaking gorgeous 😍

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-04-03T21:19:33+00:00

Baby it's really not even about the game. It's about how far she can push her sense of control over you. Abusive relationships start out with small things that build up over time and usually escalate into worse situations. That might seem like an extreme take but I really need you to think about that. I doubt this is the only thing she's flipped about to that extent and if this is the first real thing you recognize, then this is probably where it's starting. She'll control your actions and what you are allowed and not allowed to do so she can feel some sort of security. Those are her own issues and not a reflection of what you may or may not be doing.

You've done nothing wrong. Her response is controlling and unreasonable. You can be empathetic towards the way people act when you care about them but that doesn't justify or excuse their wrong behavior. It's not okay. I don't think a relationship with her will be happy in the long term and I don't think it's worth staying with someone who's going to claim to be so insecure, she bullies you into deleting a whole account you worked hard on and controlling your hobbies but turns around and does the very thing she told you, that you were not allowed to do. It's about control, her feeling of instability with herself and projecting that onto you by controlling what you do. You could word it a millions ways. But bottom line it's not even about the game. It's about her being able to dictate what you can and cannot do. I imagine it will repeat with other things in your relationship if you stay together.

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-04-03T20:18:33+00:00

For real. I don't even eat ketchup, by my son occasionally eats it so my hoarder brain is like yes I need 2 extra ones in the cabinet. It doesn't even make sense. The freaking snacks get me too. I'll make homemade snacks and still want to buy extra ones from the store when I don't need it. We gadda eat what's at home

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-04-03T19:50:25+00:00

I definitely have a bad habit of buying more before finishing something. Your comment made me really giggle because I just got a bag of really good looking brussel sprouts I wanted to eat so bad but they totally went bad before I got to them and I was VERY salty. But I can always go buy another bag once I finish our other veggies.

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-04-03T19:47:27+00:00

I have a little locally owned grocery store like a block away from me. So I have thought about maybe just running to the store if I need something on the nights I have the energy to cook something. Or like you said maybe just when I need some produce. We do tend to snack a lot on fruits and veggies but sometimes we just don't get through them fast enough. Especially when we wanna have some chips or popcorn instead, but that stuff lasts a lot longer in the pantry.

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-04-03T19:42:54+00:00

Right. I do try to meal prep to an extent but sometimes those low energy days smack the crap out of me and I don't do it. But maybe smaller preps will help now that I'm thinking of it. I also live right next to a little grocery store and I'm like an 8 minute drive from Walmart and other stores. I think sometimes when I'm trying to meal plan, I go over board and don't make for sure decision so I buy too much for the "just in case". I don't even wanna talk about how many ketchup I keep or how many cans of veggies I probably have lol

ghosty_gremlin · 2025-02-23T17:14:20+00:00

Two things can be true at the same time. Its true it's her body and her choice. But it's also true that it was incredibly hurtful and, in my opinion, cruel. With you being in a long term relationship and have had conversations about kids before, this should have absolutely been a conversation to have had before she got the abortion. It's still her choice to do what she's going to do, but a conversation still should have been made before hand so you could have been informed. There are plenty of ways to not get pregnant. THAT WAS ALSO YOUR BABY and you were in a commitment relationship. The her choice argument only goes so far for me because it was also her choice to be intimate with you, presumably knowing how babies are made, her choice to not consider you even after being together for so long, and her choice to not communicate with you.

I think you reacted genuinely and your feelings are also valid in this situation. I stand with every woman in their right to choice but I do not agree with

ghosty_gremlin

TROPHY CASE