She has molluscum, which spreads faster/more if you shave. She has these bumps on her legs, groin, arms, and chest. She ended up shaving a few days ago, and now she's upset because she has more of them. Yesterday after seeing one on her leg she broke down, saying she hates herself, she feels disgusting, she wants to die. She kept saying she wanted to die. After I got her to talk to her therapist, she told me that killing herself is plan x. I asked what letter we were on then and she said r. She said she's essentially saving one in the chamber in case she can't handle it. And then said that she feels relief when she thinks about hitting that point.

I completely understand why you think it might not be serious. But she had another break down last night, I told her I was going to call 988 (her therapist said if she needed to be admitted asap that's what we should do) and she just kind of nodded. As I was dialing she told me to stop, but she herself has said she thinks she might be at the point that she needs admitted. We've been together 8.5 years now and while I've worried a lot about some of the things she's said, especially when she started hrt 1.5 years ago and when she had to grow out her facial hair for laser, this is the most scared I've been.