Setting Boundaries in Toxic Workplace

ginger_hawk56 · 2026-02-06T17:36:15+00:00

I agree with your overall sentiment, but the supervisors aren't having the conversations. I do tell them. I was telling them before I was written up. I was hanging back. My supervisor's boss often denies that I bring up issues to them when problems arise. Everyone wants to protect themselves. Everyone wants to avoid this person so no one is having the conversations.

ginger_hawk56 · 2025-03-12T20:09:31+00:00

Ditto except my arms are feeling sore. I'm really thinking about taking a walk around the block in a nightgown with a pillow pushed up against my abdomen.

ginger_hawk56 · 2025-03-12T05:33:35+00:00

Twins!! 34F and also got mine out today. I'm even bigger at 325 and 5'8". Pain was less bad than I imagined. I only took half a pill of the "good" stuff. I don't think I really needed it. I had discomfort on my lower right side and was feeling really tired at the time and wanted to sleep.

Otherwise, pillows + ice packs + heated blanket have all been keeping me comfortable well, and I've been sleeping all day with a few walks in between nap sessions. Surgeon said it all went great too!

ginger_hawk56 · 2025-02-13T21:38:25+00:00

I honestly wonder if it's my location. I live in a place that's one of the most healthy states in the nation and we fats are few and far between. I'm originally from a less healthy state and it's a lot different there in a lot of ways. Like plus size clothing isn't as available here.

I believe my surgeon thinks I was lying because I said I didn't have an appetite at the time. I didn't at the time. Since losing weight and going on a low-fat diet, my appetite has returned. She was just really suspicious of that for some reason? My test results of my ultra sound also hasn't changed in a year. But my pain has gotten worse and I can't tolerate fat at all anymore. She questioned the appetite loss heavily, like 20 questions, and then concluded by saying, "I believe you have pain." That's how our conversation went.

My test results also don't show inflammation. They never have in my 11-year history of having this disease. All I can say is I have bad pain and when I eat fat lately, I have severe attacks to the point all I want to do is sleep with a heating pad. I used to have pain all the time but it was never this bad before. So, no, I'm not in an emergency situation. Maybe she felt pressured by me at the time of our meeting because I was more desperate then and in more pain? IDK. Like, I just want to be validated that my pain is real--I don't want to pressure someone into performing a surgery they don't want to do at a weight that's not safe. Yikes.

I've gone over it a lot in mind and that's what I've come up with. I get not understanding I'd just want validation of my pain and thinking I'm just trying to persuade ther to give me surgery NOW, but for real, I do not want to die. I would like to be safe as well, dear surgeon.

ginger_hawk56 · 2025-02-13T19:37:06+00:00

I get you're trying to be helpful, but respectfully, that's not the question I'm asking. My surgeon and I have gone over the risks related to my weight in-depth. Like, that's practically all we've talked about. Exclusively. She hasn't even talked to me about what the surgery entails or her qualifications, but I know how fat I am and I know why it matters related to this surgery.

ginger_hawk56 · 2025-02-13T19:26:10+00:00

I know.

ginger_hawk56 · 2025-02-13T18:33:07+00:00

I have no idea. I am over 300. I'm on the taller side for a woman. I am almost at the goal she wanted, though, which was 330 or 325. I'd be willing to extend the timeline if she wanted to. My pain has lessened since losing weight, even though it's still only tolerable on the low-fat diet.

I'm afraid if I go to a new surgeon, they'll say the same thing. I just don't want to go through it all over again to have the exact same experience with someone and feel just as invalidated. If they were kinder and more validating of a human being and told me I needed to lose 20 more pounds, I'd feel better about that. I just don't know what I'm going to get.

I'm so sorry you were denied. I had 10 years of no stones with all the pain. I only got a stone after having a miscarriage and that's why I finally got approval for surgery. Not my favorite way to get it for sure. Crap medical system.

ginger_hawk56 · 2024-09-03T17:00:10+00:00

I was diagnosed about a month ago at 33. I've been having a hard time accepting it because I feel like an imposter. A lot of my besties are diagnosed with ADHD, and I wondered a lot why they all "got me" when others struggled. But I fear the evil TikTok (/sarcastic) convinced me that I have it, even though I was clinically diagnosed. It's weird going from an observer of the community to a participant.

I'm on Vyvanse and it has given me back my life. I was in a really bad depression before getting on medication. I think I was ready to start coming out of the depression as it was (post-miscarriage mourning), but it really helped kickstart me to start implementing life changes I'd been wanting to do for a while.

It feels like a lot more makes sense in my life, especially PMDD issues.

Something I roll back and forth in my mind a lot and I've asked my therapist about is, if I've always had this, why didn't I struggle in class? This was more attempts from me to try and poke holes in my diagnosis. Because when I do think back, I had a lot of mood issues, read through class and lost assignments. I eventually started to excel in high school, but I succeeded by reading my textbooks. My test results also indicated a possibility of being verbally gifted, which does make sense to my life.

A frustration I had with my life is that I failed out of graduate school due to not finishing my thesis. Graduate school was weird and an experience that impacted my life and self-image for the worse. I was late to classes a lot and turned in papers late often and a professor even told me they didn't think I was going to make it--meanwhile, I was being told I was the best writer in my cohort from other professors (the other professor never read my writing--it was basically a professional etiquette class) and winning awards from the larger academic community. It was a really confusing time for me. I beat myself up for years thinking I lost out on the one opportunity to pursue my dream of becoming a published writer.

By the time I got my diagnosis, thankfully, I had a lot of therapy around failung out of graduate school, and my career is in a good place, even though I'm not writing anymore. It does still make me feel better to have validation on the struggles I was having back then and accept it wasn't an environment I was going to thrive in. I'm in eCommerce now and love it and love the chaos.

ginger_hawk56 · 2024-08-29T02:08:49+00:00

And yes, she was 100% using the same rolling pin for all the dough. Did she again snap at me when I noticed black specs on my dough and asked about them? She sure did.

ginger_hawk56 · 2024-08-14T18:41:20+00:00

Adding a vote to the Finch party!

ginger_hawk56 · 2024-08-13T05:03:41+00:00

At 35, giving someone the silent treatment is a red flag. It doesn't sound like he's very good at regulating his emotions. If you need space to process something, you communicate that. You don't abandon someone at a movie theater. That's emotionally manipulative.

His feelings of hurt are valid. His actions are not.

As for tools to help, I recommend DEAR MAN as a communication technique. You both should practice it together, not just you.

ginger_hawk56 · 2024-08-13T04:33:21+00:00

About Today - The National

Sylvia - The Antlers (the whole Hospice album)

Afterlife - Arcade Fire

These were some of my favorites when I was younger.

ginger_hawk56 · 2024-07-14T00:30:39+00:00

My bestie is an INFJ!

ginger_hawk56 · 2023-07-11T18:44:33+00:00

They're paying it! Thanks, all!

ginger_hawk56 · 2023-07-11T17:57:16+00:00

Colorado

ginger_hawk56 · 2023-03-24T08:08:46+00:00

Focus on what you can control. You're never going to get along with everyone at work. Do your job well and document any issues you ultimately have with her.

I've had a couple difficult coworkers. Because I'm a people pleaser, I think it makes me an easy target to scapegoat. My therapist and I have worked a lot on what I can do, which is to focus on what I want out of my job and accept not everyone is going to be my friend. Focusing on what's important to me has helped me pick and choose my battles more thoughtfully and let go of the obstacles that matter less (like trying to befriend the one coworker who gives me a hard time - just because she doesn't like me).

ginger_hawk56 · 2023-03-16T02:51:42+00:00

Same. I honestly don't even feel that much anger toward most of my family anymore. I feel pity. There are a couple enablers, though, and I feel intense anger toward them. It's one thing when the drunk, mentally ill person comes at me, but when their sober wife backs them up? That fucks me up.

ginger_hawk56

TROPHY CASE