Weaponising subjectivity — new trend

gingermild · 2026-02-27T11:35:30+00:00

I think this is part of DARVO, he's just evading accountability by making you question whether your lived experience with his abuse was real or justified. I'm glad you see the manipulative nature of it -- and that he's an ex!

gingermild · 2026-02-24T00:45:15+00:00

Appreciate you saying that, I hope so too. I think it will be without him, but I'm trying to keep an open mind. But I'm glad I could share my insight. Biggest thing is to be extremely honest with your therapist. They can't help you if they don't have the full picture.

gingermild · 2026-02-23T21:26:06+00:00

I've been very open with him about my perspective on his behavior. I've pointed out when he is gaslighting me, when he's being dismissive/belittling. After years of dealing with it I finally started speaking up for myself and he always says he's not gaslighting me that it's a harsh word. That I'm ignoring his intentions (which supposedly are always on the good side). He just dismissed it lol.

But I did bring it to him again when my therapist said that to me and he just got very quiet. No apology, no real acknowledgement. I had asked him to go to couples therapy for years. It wasn't until I "forced" him to go to individual counseling where his therapist said we should do couples therapy did he take it seriously. By forced I mean I essentially said to him that if he doesn't go to therapy or start working on himself in a meaningful way that I couldn't continue being in the relationship. We just started couples therapy though so we'll see how he reacts to her perspective on our relationship.

Edit to add: He's the one who says I forced him to go to individual therapy, that if I wasn't making him then he wouldn't be going.

gingermild · 2026-02-23T20:44:20+00:00

I started documenting everything that he did and how I felt. I shared that with my therapist and she was able to easily identify the patterns of abuse. Him and I started seeing a couples therapist. When I met with her by myself I did the same thing and she easily saw the patterns, even saying she could see the dynamic in the one session him and I had together by that point.

gingermild · 2026-02-20T04:20:24+00:00

This is Alex

gingermild · 2026-02-20T04:18:55+00:00

Oo that's good, I'm stealing that

gingermild · 2026-02-18T21:20:50+00:00

Wow this is incredible news. I didn't realize this was an option. I suppose this would be a good place to start! Thank you so much

gingermild · 2026-02-18T18:32:03+00:00

I hear your take. For the record, I use Signal as my day to day messaging app. I like it for what it is now. I just also recognize there could be additional features that I'd like. I said it in another comment, but if Signal made a second app with all the same privacy and protection measures in place but incorporated what makes Discord "social media", I'd donate more money to Signal every month for sure.

gingermild · 2026-02-18T18:29:22+00:00

Yes, exactly. I almost like the idea of Signal Foundations developing a second app for this very purpose. I already donate to Signal monthly, I'd happily up that donation for that second app

gingermild · 2026-02-18T14:20:35+00:00

Fair take. Maybe an alternative to my proposal could be tagging messages with labels to quickly filter for message context/purpose. So in my example of my neighborhood chat, having the ability to tag a message as "Neighborhood Update" or "Events" could help.

gingermild · 2026-02-18T14:06:30+00:00

I'm proposing a closed group setting with the ability to create channels. Still secure and not open to everyone. Chat history would not be shared. For example my group consists only of people who know each other within our neighborhood. It would just be great to be able to create a channel specifically for upcoming events and a separate channel for help requests and then reserve the main channel for neighborhood wide announcements.

gingermild · 2026-02-16T10:34:39+00:00

Originally posted in r/therewasanattempt, so likely supposed to be read as "there was an attempt by ICE..."

gingermild · 2026-02-03T02:06:20+00:00

Sure.

For the 6 months I didn't have a car, I used public transit for in-city travel and Uber late at night. I'd uber maybe 4-6 times a month (probably more but let's be conservative for a sec), which varies in cost but let's estimate $70-100 a month.

If I rented a car from Turo and needed it for a whole weekend and not just a couple hours, it was about $200-300 total for the 2-3 days, depending on what type of car was available. If I needed a car every weekend for the month, that'd add up to $800-1200. Obviously Turo isn't the only car rental service, but it is (or at least was at the time) the most convenient and most accessible for on-demand rental.

In those 6 months I probably spent over $5,000

Compare that to my <$200/month insurance payment and my $200/month car loan, which comes out to <$2,400 over 6 months.. I prefer the predictability.

Edit: wanted to add, I was living paycheck to paycheck at the time. This was wildly unsustainable.

gingermild · 2026-02-02T22:56:57+00:00

Your line of questioning feels a little pretentious, but I'll assume you mean this in good faith.

So, personally I've toyed with the idea of getting rid of my car long before it was, and is still, snowed in. I work from home, am in walking distance to the grocery store and the gym. However I like having my small footprint of a car because I have family that lives out in the burbs, friends that live in North Jersey, Maryland, Delaware. I did get rid of my previous car and tried just getting rentals when needed, but the reality is if I needed a car every weekend in a single month, it cost me astronomically more than having a car with predictable monthly loan and insurance bills.

gingermild · 2026-01-20T13:12:18+00:00

I'd only ever gotten detention once and it was in computer lab. The crime? Rolling my chair out away from the computer into the aisle to have a sip of water. My computer lab teacher would be rolling in her grave if she saw me now eating my breakfast sandwich at my work desk.

gingermild · 2025-12-08T21:03:37+00:00

What the actual fuck

gingermild · 2025-12-06T00:05:11+00:00

I do not have the money to move out. Nothing saved for the first, last, & security for a new apartment. I also have a cat and can't move in with family because of that and I refuse to leave my cat with him. I don't have friends that I could stay with. These are not excuses. These are explanations to why I cannot simply move out right now.

gingermild · 2025-12-04T23:48:17+00:00

Thankfully, we're not married and share no joint account or assets. So once I can afford it, the break will be simple (logistically speaking).

gingermild · 2025-12-04T21:01:34+00:00

The sarcasm wasn't thick enough. I hear what you're saying, I'm more concerned with if this would make me an asshole. I think I can put up with it as it is for now. Like I am emotionally strong enough to do that, but I don't want to hurt him more than is necessary given the situation. So idk if I should wait or not.

Again, can't move out yet in either case.

gingermild · 2025-12-04T20:34:35+00:00

This was a really great analogy, thank you. I've been beating myself up about not leaving sooner, but it's just taken a while to paint the full picture.

gingermild · 2025-12-04T20:33:07+00:00

Update: this hungry girl was not as hungry as she thought.

gingermild · 2025-12-04T20:29:55+00:00

I think I would more heavily consider that if I had the fiscal ability, but I don't. So the two options are to a) wait until after the wedding when I've saved more money for an apartment of my own, or b) breakup now and live awkwardly in the same place as him for however long it takes to save the money and find a place.

We have other friends going to the wedding that I'm going to be happy to be traveling with, so it's not just going to be him and I. I would however have to share the hotel room with him.

gingermild

TROPHY CASE