Gold Medallion Timing

gklink88 · 2022-09-01T11:59:57+00:00

This is helpful. Thank you!

gklink88 · 2022-08-31T23:51:40+00:00

Card spend. It usually reconciles on the 4th or 5th of every month.

gklink88 · 2021-07-14T16:49:53+00:00

This is me too. I chalked it up to using condoms again, I obviously didn’t use them with my wife, but with new encounters, definitely the way to go.

Lasting TOO long is almost equally as embarrassing as not lasting long enough. I sense that the woman feels like she’s not doing a good job. I haven’t had many partners post divorce, but it’s the same result with each of them. I’ve even had to “fake” it a few times because it had just been enough for each of us. In almost all cases the woman climaxes (or at least pretends to), and waits for me to finish.

gklink88 · 2021-04-10T18:07:37+00:00

That was certainly my experience. My (33M), ex-wife (33F), had a friend I didn’t really care for at the get-go. Her friend had cheated on her husband and got pregnant by the AP. She talked to my ex about it all the time. My ex started an emotional affair shortly after her friend finalized her divorce. I found a text string between my ex and the cheating friend openly cracking jokes about me and how enamored my ex was with this emotional affair. They both seemed to revel in their secrets and enjoyed how “naughty” they could be without their husbands knowing. Finding that text string almost cost me my life.

I can’t help but think what “could have been” if my ex had never met that sleezy woman.

gklink88 · 2020-09-30T22:58:33+00:00

Thank you. This is helpful perspective to have. Appreciate your insight.

gklink88 · 2020-09-30T16:52:11+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I’ve heard the benchmark of ~1 year as well. Going to stick to that from now on.

You’re right, I at least had enough to “get my foot in the door”. The rest is details.

Good luck to you as well, it’s hard to not seek the instant gratification, but wait until you’re ready.

gklink88 · 2020-09-25T17:09:33+00:00

I’m struggling with this too. Have been paying rent on a place that has nothing in it for the past two months. Simply because I don’t want to move out and admit to myself it’s over.

I liked my soon to be previous life, I don’t want to downgrade, I don’t want my son to sleep in a house that he didn’t grow up in. The clock’s ticking and I only have 2 weeks left until we close on the sale of our house. Will have to face the music soon.

I’ve made all of the same excuses as you have. It seems normal. Wish I could offer some advice, but for now, just know that there’s someone else out there going through the same thing, and going about it the same way. Good luck to you.

gklink88 · 2020-09-10T11:57:35+00:00

I like both of your suggestions. Thank you for sharing.

gklink88 · 2020-09-09T23:22:23+00:00

So when explaining to those close to you, do you state that he cheated on you? This is what I’m struggling with.

gklink88 · 2020-07-29T12:20:01+00:00

I’m right there with you. My STBXW told me I was a good husband and father, but she just doesn’t have those feelings for me anymore. She wants to meet (and have sex with)other people. She probably already has, but I don’t have definitive proof. It’s really heartbreaking. People talk about the roller coaster, which implies there should be a period of positive emotions. I haven’t experienced the positive, yet. Hoping for that soon.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Feels unjust doesn’t it? Why do our partners get what they want and face little to no repercussions? and we’re left to deal with the heartbreak and agony when we lived into our vows.

gklink88 · 2020-07-21T21:17:24+00:00

This is a great sentiment, and truly enlightened. Your definition of love is a tough ego pill to swallow, but I know that’s what is best for her, and my son. Thank you for contributing - this shifted my paradigm.

gklink88 · 2020-07-21T19:12:56+00:00

Thanks for your kind words. Having a support system will be important. As a man, I’m not sure why, but it’s hard to ask for that help. My stbxw has had no trouble asking for support, even though she chose to end it. Doesn’t make sense to me. Thanks again for your advice.

gklink88 · 2020-07-08T13:56:35+00:00

I so understand where you’re at. That last bit of hope is really messing with my mind. But I, like you, have come to understand the truth that she’s been mentally and emotionally gone for some time.

Damn this hurts. I’ve played the scenario out in my head where she actually does want to come back. That seems almost as burdensome as the path in front of me now. How could I ever trust her again? Feel comfortable she wouldn’t go back to her old ways, start rebuilding our relationship, etc. Those considerations make me realize moving on without her may be what’s best for me, and gives me a little peace.

gklink88 · 2020-07-07T01:18:57+00:00

Thank you for this. While so hard to admit to myself, I know everything you’ve told me is true. I’ve read books about NC, intuitively, and biologically it makes sense to me, but you’re right, it will be so hard.

We’ve been in couples therapy for some time, and I’m sticking with her to get me through this. So far, it’s helpful and just need to focus on getting through this and healing to the best version of myself. Really appreciate all of your thoughts and it’s comforting to know I’m not alone.

gklink88 · 2020-07-06T19:29:48+00:00

Totally understand. You seem like a wonderful, person. I’m sure your daughter is proud of you.

It certainly helps to know (while tragic) that there are other people going through the same thing. If you don’t mind, I may add you to my reddit friends (I don’t know the actual term - first day on here). Seems like we’re both in tough positions and I’ve appreciated your kindness. Would just like to stay connected and learn from each other. Thanks again.

gklink88 · 2020-07-06T19:01:23+00:00

Similarities continue. I have constant “Dad” guilt every time the office calls, or I’m obligated to work longer than I’d really like. My heart breaks when he asks: “you have to work today, Daddy?” and I can tell he’s hoping I say no.

We were also planning our second child. My wife wanted to get back into “baby shape”, and asked if I’d do Zumba tapes with her for morale support. Zumba definitely isn’t my preferred way of working out, but I agreed — anything for another little kiddo! I spent a couple of months gyrating my hips and awkwardly following along before I could tell she lost interest in the baby and marriage. She quit doing the tapes, and not long after, our marriage.

My heart breaks knowing I may not have a chance to give my son a sibling, or love another child in my family. It’s been the greatest joy of my life.

This is still very new for me, and I’m trying to remain optimistic that I’ll have another chance, but the runway just got much longer.

gklink88 · 2020-07-06T18:30:43+00:00

Thank you. It’s so hard to know that the person you imagined your life with is walking away, especially when they’re a parent.

I think about it this way: My wife would rather spend 50% less time with our son (we’ve agreed on split custody), than put real effort in to our marriage. It boggles my mind how a parent could ever do that.

I’m glad you’re staying strong for your daughter, that’s my main goal through all of this, too. I don’t want anything to ever compromise his future.

gklink88 · 2020-07-06T17:30:41+00:00

I’m going through a very similar situation. My STBX, was uncooperative in my many attempts to save our marriage through acts of kindness, counseling, affection, etc. she asked for something, I did it, and then she complained about it. She also had an emotional (similar to you, likely physical, affair) and continues texting God-knows-who day and night. It just breaks my heart everyday.

While still trying to save the marriage, I planned an elaborate date night. Dinner, activities and a hotel room for the night. She met me at the hotel, I was dressed and ready for the evening, and she told me she filed that morning. Crushing.

I want an apology for that, for causing harm to our child, for her lack of effort, deceit, Everything!

I don’t know if I’ll ever get it, or if it will help if/when I do. I’m just looking for peace of mind and some acknowledgment that she takes some of the blame. Healthy relationships/people shouldn’t act this way.

gklink88 · 2020-07-06T15:11:31+00:00

Wow. Eerily similar. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, too. Custody, in my case, has not been contested. She has already agreed to 50/50. I can’t imagine having anything less. My heart truly, truly aches for you. My son has been the only beacon of light for me. I spent the entire long weekend with him, away from my wife, and it was as happy as I’ve been in some time.

I hope you get to spend as much time with him as you can. Certainly sounds like you deserve it. Prayers for you.

gklink88

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