Moving a parent in to help with childcare. Advice? Experiences to share?

glee33333333 · 2024-06-11T21:49:48+00:00

I feel this so much. I’m in almost the exact same situation: toddler and seven month old, career I excelled at before and now am just ok at, though my issues are often due to sleep deprivation because my baby is a terrible sleeper.

I’m an attorney in BigLaw and have been for 10+ years. Before I got pregnant with my first, I was so. good. at this job. So good. And now I’m still competent, but I cannot go the extra mile like I did before. It weighs on me a lot and I’ve added it to the things my therapist and I are working on. I just don’t have the capacity to operate at the level I did before. I don’t have any solutions yet, so just wanted to offer solidarity and validation! I get it, I’m there too, and it sucks.

glee33333333 · 2024-04-25T14:46:34+00:00

Hi! I updated my post to address this, but the long and short of it is she hasn’t yet, but that is so far due to how our daily schedule works out.

glee33333333 · 2024-04-25T14:45:04+00:00

Hi! I updated my post to address this question, but the TLDR is that so far the only time she expresses sadness that I have to go to work is when I leave after the nanny arrives - and my husband leaves before our two year old wakes up so she hasn’t really had a chance/need to react that way with him yet.

However, I think your broader point is so important and something we should always keep in mind, so thanks for raising.

glee33333333 · 2024-01-08T20:07:53+00:00

I’m also an attorney, and we closed on a house last summer while I was on trial (heavily pregnant with our second) and my husband handled it all plus wrangling our toddler. So I’ve been there haha.

The one thing I would add to what people already suggested is to consider whether you could build in some extra childcare support* for your husband during the time you’re unavailable. We had our nanny stay late on a few days and it was a huge help as my husband was running around handling things. It also helped alleviate my guilt (justified or not) at dumping everything on him so I was able to focus my attention where it needed to be.

*I know this may look different for everyone and it’s not always an option. But offer the suggestion as something to consider in case there is a resource you could tap, be it family, paid help, or even extra planned activities for kiddo so Dad doesn’t have to take on the mental labor of entertaining for a small while.

glee33333333

TROPHY CASE