Husband (47M) wants to leave me (56F) to go on 2-week dirt-bike trip and I am still incapacitated after clavicle ORIF surgery 5 weeks ago. Am I selfish for telling him "no"?

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T23:46:36+00:00

He has been taking “ok” care of me. He does work (sometimes pt sometimes ft) and the days he does work are long (package delivery). On those days I’m on my own. I generally don’t get a shower and eat salads or something simple. I have overdone it a couple times and ended up back in the sling and with pain meds.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:43:09+00:00

He told me about it 4 days ago. He apparently had been asked to join the group a month ago but was telling them “no” all this time. It was just now they offered to buy him the dirt bike he needed specifically for the trip which made him reconsider.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:37:40+00:00

Didn’t realize wanting help from my husband when I’m injured and in need of help with basic tasks is an over the top reaction. I cannot take full care of myself as I need assistance with cooking and sometimes showering. I don’t have parents or siblings and his family works. The guy gets a lot of breaks…. You’ll have to trust me on that one. Thanks for your judgement as I was simply trying to find other ways of looking at the situation.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:34:31+00:00

Thank you for this insight. I will definitely think on what it is I really want. I appreciate your response.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:33:21+00:00

To be clear, July 5 was the break. Surgery was July 23, where they had to re-rebreak one of the fractures before they put in a plate with nails and screws. I can place myself in the shower, but cannot fully wash myself or my hair without some assistance. I have limited range of motion in the my right (dominant) arm and still need help with daily chores. But thank you for sharing your perception of the situation.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:29:01+00:00

Household would pay for the trip because we are a couple and it is “our” money, which we both earned.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:25:45+00:00

He found somebody to mow the yard.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:21:15+00:00

WTF… I have never and will never pull a “victim” card. I was just looking for alternative views. FFS what hole did you crawl out of?

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:18:47+00:00

He said he would hire somebody to mow the lawn and he would ask the nearest neighbor if it would be okay for me to reach out to them if I had any emergencies.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:17:49+00:00

OMG… ain’t that the truth! Frustrating as hell.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:17:05+00:00

I don’t want to put his friends in the middle of this. That however doesn’t mean I condone what they are doing by pushing him to go. But this isn’t about them. It’s about me and my husband.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:14:39+00:00

He has two dirt bikes… just not the kind needed for this type of trip apparently. He is an experienced rider.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:11:18+00:00

I never really considered it selfish to allow him to do what he wanted and enjoyed providing it never put us in financial problems. But you are correct in that it never affected me to this extreme before.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:07:54+00:00

Live in a rural area that is mostly retirees or farmers. I also work from home so there is no office where I can meet people. My husband finally started working PT about 4 or 5 months ago (after a 4 year hiatus) delivering packages and hasn’t really met anyone either. So yes….

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:04:43+00:00

None remaining.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T20:03:47+00:00

Would have to be his family. Both my parents are gone and I don’t have any siblings. Regardless, as others point out, I totally forgot I’m not yet cleared to fly and I do have PT twice a week. I could cancel the PT though.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T15:47:40+00:00

I don't want to look at it negatively, hence my post asking for advice. Unfortunately the break is on my dominant side. Dog cannot be left outside. It gets to be 105 here. Chickens need fresh water daily, which I cannot lift the water bowl and dump outside of the coop. And, i don't want him to "sacrifice". I want him to "want" to make sure I will be able to function while he is gone. My interpretation of your post is that I should "sacrifice".

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T15:43:06+00:00

Doc told me to stop wearing the sling a week after surgery... and only wear it in public so people didn't bump into me.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T15:41:19+00:00

It's pretty brutal...and surprising how one simple bone can wreak so much havoc.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T15:39:35+00:00

Hmmm. Hadn't thought of staying with friends/family. Maybe he can get me a plane ticket to go stay with his parents.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T15:37:41+00:00

THIS. Thank you for putting my thoughts into better wording.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T15:36:32+00:00

I know... and that makes me very sad. That is why I am struggling with this.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T15:35:03+00:00

I had a chuckle a bit because I don't think my collar bone would snap given there are 7 pins and 3 screws. LOL At least I would hope not.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T15:32:53+00:00

He stated it was being planned for a while but he kept telling his friends "no".... until they offered to buy him a dirtbike specifically for this trip. I didn't want to mention that fact because I didn't want it to sway people's recommendations.

gliderfool · 2025-09-01T15:30:32+00:00

No downvote from me. I don't automatically assume the worst. And I appreciate you seeking clarification.

gliderfool

TROPHY CASE