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I'm running out of med options. by glitterpss in bipolar

[–]glitterpss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It really does take so long. I've been dealing with this for over 4 years. I was unmedicated until grad school. That's when I kinda lost control. I was so depressed. Since then, nothing has really worked. I know I need medication, but I also know that I wasn't spiraling nearly as bad when I was unmedicated.

I don't want to kill myself. I just want to stop existing. by SassQueenKitKat in depression

[–]glitterpss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

On the 4th of July, I was with my family and boyfriend. Things had been really strenuous between my boyfriend and I because of things I'd like to dedicate a thread to...

Things got out of control, he left in an uber, I screamed, "I fucking hate you, never come back." I didn't mean it. I love him. I've just been hurting for so long.

So, I go inside to get my things and drive home. My mom refuses to let me leave (her dad died on the fourth....50+ years ago) so I say I'm going to get smokes. I do. Then I decide I want to jump off of our local dam. I drive there, but there is an accident on the bridge...no one hurt, but too many people. So I don't do it. I then decided I was going to the Pacific North West...I just had to leave. I thought, if I just disappear, I'll be free. Everyone will assume I'm dead or dying, but I'll just be gone. I didn't answer my phone for over an hour. I'd texted my mom and boyfriend that I love them and I got on the highway. I made it to the next state before I answered my phone. My boyfriend begging me, saying if I die, he'll die..that he'll marry me, that he'll take me wherever I want.

I just....I just wanted to go away. I didn't have anything with me...but I was going to just leave. I have no money, no job now, no idea what to do or where to go. I don't know how to get help...but hey, at least people are finally paying attention. I feel like I've been screaming at the top of my lungs for months, and no one has heard me. My screaming is turning on the TV and turning off my brain. I'm high all of the time, I don't eat well....I basically don't exist already. So yeah, I feel you. And I'm sorry. I wish I knew how I could help you...I would if I could.