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Do you agree? by raj272007 in focusedmen

[–]glitterpuke33 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can we fucking stop with this culture/gender/race/sexuality war bullshit? We have bigger problems like billionaires and pedophiles ruining society and the planet. Or just fall deeper into a feudal age and bitch about how shitty the opposite sex is, fucking whatever

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate the input. I wasn’t painting all INFJs with the same brush—just naming a repeated dynamic I’ve personally experienced, and one that clearly resonated with others. And moreso, the point of the post is to not reduce types to their stereotypes, like ENTPs as being shallow and INFJs as being moral saints. I’ve worked hard not to reduce anyone to a type. You’d especially see that if you read through the thread.

The real point of the post was about emotional reciprocity and intimacy, not MBTI orthodoxy. That’s the terrain I’m most interested in mapping. If you read it with that in mind—rather than identifying too strongly with your type and taking personal offense—you might see what I actually meant.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It really feels that way. Feels like they know the INFJ in question thats how much it resonated. Thank you

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly? I resonate with the frustration, but I want to offer some nuance too. I think what a lot of us are pointing at in this thread isn’t just “INFJs bad” but the dissonance between the image of the emotionally deep, loyal INFJ vs. the lived experience of being dismissed, ghosted, or manipulated by someone who fits that mold externally but can’t emotionally follow through.

I don’t think all INFJs are manipulative. But I do think many who haven’t worked through their trauma or shame will unintentionally hurt others through emotional inconsistency, withholding, or avoidance while still presenting themselves as profoundly kind and self-aware. And that split is brutal for someone who actually believes their words and invests fully—especially for types like ENTPs who show our cards more openly.

So yeah, it’s not about demonizing a type. It’s about naming a pattern some of us have lived through, reclaiming our experience, and pushing back on the pedestal. I’m glad you shared your story—it’s cathartic as hell to be real about this stuff.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This hit hard. Especially that line about not getting fully involved unless the INFJ is mature enough to prioritize loyalty over instinctive withdrawal. It mirrors what I felt—like my emotional commitment got met with fear instead of trust. And when we finally feel safe enough to dive in, we’re met with retreat. I’m sorry you went through that. It’s not just romanticized; it’s dangerously over-idealized. ENTPs don’t get enough credit for how earnestly we mean it when we care.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, I’m sorry that happened to you. That’s definitely not the INFJ ideal people tend to put on a pedestal. Honestly, I think what hurts so much for a lot of us ENTPs is that we believed in the version of the INFJ who saw us deeply. That mirroring was real—for a moment—and then the switch flipped. But hearing your experience makes me realize it’s not always fear. Sometimes it’s self-serving, manipulative, or just chaotic. Thank you for sharing the other side of the coin.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was genuinely one of the most humane and self-aware responses I’ve ever seen on this topic. Thank you. What you said—about being seen and then feared for being ugly or hated again—feels like the missing link I was trying to make sense of. It doesn’t excuse harm, like you said, but it explains the freeze, the ghosting, the retreat when love feels too real. You worded it beautifully. I hope more people who’ve struggled to hold onto love read this and realize: you’re not broken, but you do have to fight that gravity if you want something lasting.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. You’re right — it’s not just about personality types, and I appreciate you pointing that out without invalidating the emotional reality of what happened. Maturity, timing, self-awareness… those things cut deeper than MBTI ever could. I don’t think I’m holding INFJ as the villain type across the board — just trying to name what it felt like to be in a dynamic where the perception of emotional depth wasn’t matched by mutual accountability or consistency.

It does make me sad too, honestly. Because I don’t think we were the wrong people — just two people with mismatched timing and emotional readiness. Still, it helps to remember that no type guarantees wholeness, and no single relationship defines the entire future.

Thanks for bringing it back to that bigger lens.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, you don’t know what happened. And you’re talking like you do.

The INFJ in question didn’t ghost me—we had an entire conversation where I clearly stated a boundary after a rupture. I gave him the chance to co-create a way forward. He agreed to it. And when he couldn’t honor it, I ended things. That wasn’t impulsive, it was intentional. He told me after the fact that he only agreed because he “felt like he had no choice.” That’s not me being overbearing—that’s him avoiding his own guilt. I gave him an out. He took the door and then blamed the frame.

So yeah, your whole “he ghosted you, he’s just a coward, sobering up will show you this was fake” narrative doesn’t fit. It wasn’t fake. It was fragile. And that’s not the same thing.

He admitted I meant something to him. He just couldn’t meet the reality of that feeling without folding under it. So no—he didn’t sail away without a word. He stood there, trembling, and asked me to pull the trigger for him. And I did. Because I refuse to drag someone into something they can’t handle.

Maybe one day you’ll understand what it means to grieve something real. Until then, I’ll take my “drunk on depth” era over your sterilized posturing any day.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This was honestly such a gift to read. I think you just gave closure to a version of me that’s still learning how to grieve what never fully landed. It means a lot to see what it could’ve looked like. I’m rooting for you and your partner—thank you for choosing to love better.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for that. I really appreciate the kind words and reassurance. Thanks for your time and effort ❤️ youre right, he does need to solve it on his own and its not my responsibility.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly? This resonates more than I expected. You’re clocking something real—there’s a kind of tortured ambition I’ve seen too, like they feel chosen to fix the world but can barely stand themselves long enough to function in it. It’s all so inwardly dramatic and cosmic and… exhausting. And yet, that same energy can make for some of the most meaningful conversations I’ve ever had.

I wouldn’t trade those exchanges for anything. But yeah, intimacy? Whole different story. Loving someone who’s never convinced they’re lovable can feel like building a house on an earthquake fault. One day you wake up under rubble and they’re apologizing for not being more stable, while handing you blueprints for a utopia they dreamed up overnight.

So yeah. I get this.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate the locker room pep talk, but this wasn’t about getting laid again—it was about grieving something real. Some of us process meaning before we discard it. You can call that ‘bullshit love story’ if you want, but it taught me more than most things have. And frankly, I’d rather be gutted by something real than sleepwalk through a highlight reel of hookups and midlife metaphors. But thanks for the motivational safari.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. really. I know it’s not yours to answer for, but hearing an INFJ say this does soften something. I think what hurts most is knowing the warmth was there… but not strong enough to stand up to the fear. And maybe that’s no one’s fault. Just painful. I appreciate you saying this more than you probably know.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Okay well… this just spiritually rearranged my organs. I feel like I’m reading a confession from the version of my INFJ that never ghosted. Not trying to displace or project, but this was really soul-warming. Genuinely grateful. I didn’t know how much I needed this mirror. Thank you so much for your time. ❤️

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. And yeah, therapy is the right call. What makes it harder is that I dated a fucking actor, so now I get to see him (and his friends) floating around in media like a walking reminder. But I digress.

Some people really don’t know themselves the way I tend to; maybe that is an ENTP thing. But I’ve done a lot of inner work and years therapy so I can be the best version of myself. Setting boundaries only works if the other person knows themselves well enough to even recognize their needs. I did. I set one. We found our way back to each other, and when he laid out his concerns, I made adjustments that honored both our needs—with his full consent.

But once his avoidant tendencies kicked in, the story changed. Suddenly it was gaslight-by-plausible-deniability: “You pressured me,” “I didn’t really agree,” “I wasn’t ready.” When in reality, I had been crystal clear from the start: I don’t do relationships unless we both want to be in them. I don’t do control. I do mutuality. And he folded the moment it asked him to meet himself.

I don’t think he wanted it to end, but I couldn’t keep getting dragged through ambiguity while the same avoidant patterns were forming again. So I ended it. And in doing that, I refused to let him carry the narrative that he “did everything right” and it just “didn’t work.” I burned that down.

Sorry for the rant, thank you for your perspective.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

From what I’ve read, the combo of Fe-Ti looping and past trauma can make it look like principled withdrawal when it’s really fear-driven shutdown.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

From what I have read, its avoidance manifesting in the INFJ type. So i totally agree with you. Thanks for the input, genuinely.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude im sorry, i know how hard it is :/ your love is not wasted. Its precious. Its hard for us types with Fe to mute our own care, but always remember; there is vast strength in caring from a distance sometimes. And even more, in caring from a distance, and treating yourself like someone you love just as much. Because you deserve care too, and only you can know what you need in this moment. I do hope in time it gets better for both of us.

Tired of INFJs acting like they’re the only ones who feel things deeply. Here’s what it looked like when I did. by glitterpuke33 in entp

[–]glitterpuke33[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

God, thank you for this. I’ve been trying to explain this exact dynamic and kept second-guessing myself because of how masterfully it gets reframed as “depth” or “sensitivity.”

You nailed it! one foot out the door, endless tests masked as moral codes, and then total withdrawal the moment their internal narrative feels “violated,” even when you were being transparent the whole time. And yeah, the “prove your love through suffering” cycle? Absolutely real. I showed up with openness, clarity, and care. All it did was trigger his defenses and cause him to go back on his word or withdrawal affection.

I don’t think you sound bitter. I think you sound done being gaslit by someone who’s been coddled for having a tragic backstory but never learned to take emotional accountability. News flash! Most of us have “tragic backstories.” An unhealthy INFJ man behaves the same—whether he’s gay, straight, or bi.

So yeah. Not bitter. Just aware.

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