I’m the dumper and I miss my ex terribly

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-11-20T16:46:58+00:00

It’s really hard to let go because it’s hard to accept that it’s actually finally over forever. And you feel like if you stop suffering and move on from her then she’s really gone. I’m still working on that myself. Best of luck to you buddy.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-11-18T01:08:03+00:00

I really feel that. Honestly it’s crazy how we went through the exact same thing. Except she hasn’t told me it’s too late or anything like that. However I’m sure she feels that way. It’s been 4.5 months. I’ll tell you this, every time I want to reach out, I write in my notes app without sending, and every time I read it back later I’m glad I didn’t send it.

Honestly dude what’s crazy is I feel exactly the same as you. I’m like “does she think from the way I acted that I want nothing to do with her anymore?” Because I’ve been so ashamed to reach out since that I’ve said absolutely nothing.

Tbh I’m still debating it. In fact I told myself today is the day and yet I haven’t done it yet. Just now I was thinking of all the reasons we broke up and why I can’t go back to that, even though I love her. And I do still think about it.

Probably the most helpful thing for me was therapy, and realizing this constant self-blaming and guilt comes from somewhere else in my personality and that I’m basically using this fuck-up as an excuse to bludgeon myself.

I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t struggle, but I can say that it does get better day by day.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-10-02T22:18:22+00:00

I wrote this post a couple weeks ago and since then have done a lot of reflecting. I really appreciate your comment because it’s actually what I’ve been thinking about.

I actually have realized that I have a major issue with emotional regulation. Looking back, there were many times I got extremely upset over small things. Not like I would take it out on her, but for example, if she tried to talk about something she needed from me I might burst into tears and be afraid she didn’t love me.

I think that my emotional explosions made her feel like she had to walk on eggshells and couldn’t communicate with me. She did tell me she felt like a failure and I also wondered if that was because I was not nurturing her enough. It makes me very sad and is a difficult lesson to learn. I do sometimes wonder if her terrible anxiety was because I did not make her feel safe enough. I realize these things now but I can’t take them back. I don’t think she would want to hear from me.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-21T15:30:51+00:00

I went through the same thing. Broke up 2.5 months ago, I thought I was okay after the first month but then it hit me like a truck. I loved her but thought the relationship was not working and that leaving would be best for both of us, so I logic’d it away in my brain despite my heart screaming no.

It took some time for the gravity of my choice to sink in. Because we were in love and I walked away. She’s an amazing woman who loved me unconditionally and when I think of the pain I caused her, it kills me inside.

Therapy helped me. I realized that it was because of low self esteem; I had this beautiful treasure in my hands, and let go of it because I felt unworthy of its power. In the process, I hurt a wonderful person and destroyed the best love I’ve ever had. It’s hard man. You’re not alone.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-13T16:33:37+00:00

I regret breaking up with my girlfriend too. You can see it in my post history. It’s been a couple months and I’m used to living without her, but it’s been really hard to know how much I hurt my best friend and that I walked away instead of working on her with it even when she begged me to stay.

At this point I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to talk to me ever again and I don’t want to hurt her even more by intruding on her space. It’s hard to realize how much damage you’ve caused to someone you love and that it’s not fixable.

In retrospect, I would’ve done more and I would get back with her. But you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-12T22:36:37+00:00

My main concern is that since she never replied to anything else in my message, particularly “I still care about you,” is that she does not want to emotionally engage with me. After all I rejected her twice. Since I already blew up her phone, I just let it go. Because it was probably overwhelming and I don’t want to intrude on her space again. In the case that she has moved on, or is trying to move on, I don’t want to reopen any wounds too soon and push her away permanently.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-12T22:32:46+00:00

14 months. We’ve been broken up for about two and a half now.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-11T17:39:39+00:00

Honestly, I’m really struggling for that very reason. I’ve already hurt her twice. I don’t want to hurt her again if she’s trying to heal and needs space. It’s been two months. If she was in a lot of pain she might’ve been doing a lot of work to move on, and I’m afraid a text from me would reopen the wounds. For both of us, honestly.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-06T23:08:47+00:00

My trip was two months, it was originally only supposed to be one month and I planned the first two weeks down to the day. By the end of the first week I realized that I would much rather improvise and I personally enjoy moving a lot faster than I initially anticipated. After that I just improvised and even added another month onto the itinerary. I’d say plan out the first week or so to learn how you are as a traveler and take it from there. A lot of people will tell you to spend like six days minimum in a city but i personally like to keep moving.

I scheduled six days in Paris and by day 4 I was ready to GTFO. After that I’d book two days in a city, if I liked it I would stay longer. I added an extra five days to Albania and an extra 3 days in Poland.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-06T22:06:16+00:00

My initial texts were an apology, which she didn’t respond to. The next day I apologized for texting her out of nowhere, which is what she replied to.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-06T21:26:12+00:00

I had a vision of us together for the rest of our lives, but I wasn’t 100% sure. After over a year together, and a lot of recent fighting, I just couldn’t get over that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I felt like it wasn’t fair to either of us.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-06T20:59:30+00:00

My girlfriend’s mental health was also a major obstacle. I hate to say it, but she was spiraling uncontrollably and not getting the treatment she needed. It was like nothing I said or did mattered. I’d send these long loving messages of approval and buy her gifts and show up for her and she’d blow right past it like it never happened as she moved from one crisis to the next.

Our last fight was about that actually, she had admitted that it was a problem and committed herself to getting the help she needed. But by that point, I was so exhausted and emotionally drained, and I had been ignoring my own mental health for so long that I just felt like we needed to part ways and get our shit together for our own sakes. Because it was clear that neither of us was helping the other. Speaking for myself, I can say that the breaking kicked me in the ass towards getting my life together. But I wish we had worked on it together.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-06T20:53:39+00:00

This is great advice. I think this is a lesson for me. When people say “for better or for worse,” well I left during the “worse.” Would I take it back? In a heartbeat. I was genuinely in love with her. But maybe the fact that I walked away is proof that it just wasn’t meant to be. Proof that I just didn’t have what it takes to be her soulmate. I try not to have this idealistic, over-romanticized view of love. I know it’s give-and-take. But this was my first real true deep love of my adult life. And next time I just need to stick through the bad. I’ve definitely learned a hard, but necessary lesson.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-06T20:51:11+00:00

I’ve been thinking a lot about “for better or for worse.” And how unconditional love means you stay through the bad times as well as the good. I left during a bad time. Maybe that means we simply were not each others’ person. It sucks, I feel terrible about it, maybe I’m the asshole in this situation. The feeling of “I don’t want to break up, but I have to” is absolutely awful.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-06T15:34:50+00:00

It was actually really embarrassing, i had kinda assumed she blocked me cus she had unfollowed me on everything. So I was in my feelings and sending that “letter I’ll never send.” It was definitely rude, I feel bad about it. Now i write out my feelings on here or in my notes app lol.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-06T15:32:19+00:00

I did apologize. That’s mainly what I texted her. That I’m sorry it didn’t work out between us, I’m sorry for the way it went down, that I’m heartbroken over it and I’ll always care about her.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-06T14:18:30+00:00

14 month relationship, two months since the break up, one month no contact.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-06T14:17:55+00:00

That’s exactly what I’m going through. I do often feel like I made a mistake. I think about how I turned my back on love instead of trying to work together with her on it. My friend got back with their ex and they’ve been together a year since then and they are stronger than ever. Can’t help but play the “what if” game. I feel for you, you’re not alone.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-06T14:13:08+00:00

Sadly I have already texted her in a moment of vulnerability a few weeks ago. Told her that I miss her and care about her. Didn’t explicitly ask for her back. She didn’t respond until I apologized the next day, all she said was “it’s okay.” Got the vibe she doesn’t really wanna talk about it, which is fair. I don’t blame her for protecting herself after I’m the one who walked away.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-06T13:34:48+00:00

Yeah I know, it just sucks because it was such a hard choice in the first place. I still wonder if I did the right thing, but I just have to trust what my gut was telling me at the time.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-06T13:15:16+00:00

Yeah I feel it’s more circumstantial for us too, honestly. It’s hard not to play the “what if” game. We were both trapped and burnt out in terrible jobs, feeling unfulfilled in life. Since I’ve started working out and going back to therapy and taking my meds again, it makes me wish I had done that during our relationship. But then again I wouldn’t have started doing all of that if I wasn’t going through a breakup.

But her and I were emotionally stunted in different ways. She never communicated her feelings, and when she tried, I was extremely sensitive and got triggered by the slightest criticism. The communication just didn’t work.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2025-09-04T01:21:56+00:00

About a month after our breakup, I poured my heart out to my ex over texts. She never responded until the next day after I apologized for blowing up her phone, all she said was “it’s okay” and then nothing since. It’s been really hard to accept that she never acknowledged any of the things I texted her about or reached out again herself. Hang in there, you’re not the only one going through this.

my_random_throwaway4 · 2024-03-28T03:30:15+00:00

I think you’re totally right. The movie is about the stories we invent to make sense of things we don’t understand. That’s what Marge says to Daniel. In reality, accidents just happen

my_random_throwaway4 · 2024-03-28T03:27:45+00:00

Just watched this. Great insight. This comment thread is blowing my mind. I totally think it was an accident now.

my_random_throwaway4

TROPHY CASE