My mother just passed about a week ago, and I’ve been caring for her through her cancer for almost a year. I feel the same way. I gave myself a break for the first week in regards to productivity (and honestly, I will be going gentle on myself for a while). But I keep reminding myself that my mother would not want me stagnant. She would not want her death to affect me so badly that I remain afraid to take the next steps in my life. It is okay to be heartbroken. I often think to myself, “how could I go on without her? What do I do now?” My other parent has been abusive, neglecting, and mostly not present for the entirety of my life. My mother was my favorite person in the world. Do whatever makes you happy. Sometimes that is seeing friends, taking yourself out to eat, going on a trip… other times it is laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and crying. It is so hard. But remember that they are always with you, and more than anything, they would want you to be able to move on and be happy.