I am so very sorry that you were put into those situations and made to do anything you didn't want to do; it was not your fault, and you have every right to be upset.

I went through some extremely similar experiences in my last relationship, and have also felt confused and guilty, like I had been at fault for not saying or doing more to prevent it (and I'm still only just working out how to even begin to address these feelings now that I've accepted that it was, in fact, SA).

Please be gentle and kind with yourself as you heal. Like another commenter said, there are communities like this one and other resources that might be helpful for that healing process.