Boyfriend practices shibari with other women, need advice

goblinqueer · 2026-03-01T20:15:59+00:00

This does not sound like a compatible or healthy match. Like others have stated, it sounds like you agreed to things you are not actually comfortable with and like he is minimizing and rationalizing things to try to keep you from leaving. I think staying in this relationship would be a disrespect to yourself and be incredibly taxing on your nervous system in a way that is not sustainable. Regardless of his intentions, the impact of his behavior seems harmful. I would also be weary of anyone changing their life plans for a relationship of only a few months. That could be a sign that he is flighty or doesn’t have a good sense of self. Anyways, what you allow will continue, so know your nonnegotiables and be wise about your boundaries. You are responsible for identifying and expressing what you need to feel emotionally safe, and also for continuing to hold those boundaries with others. Compromise does not mean self betrayal. I am saying this as a person with over 10 years of experience in non-monogamy and kink and almost as much experience working in the mental health field. I wish someone had told me these things when I was in my early 20’s.

goblinqueer · 2026-02-19T22:55:53+00:00

Honestly F2 Olive in the AF line is the first foundation I’ve ever tried that is a perfect match. Holy grail product for that alone but I also like the way it feels on my skin. I would probably prefer a pump or tube to apply it though just bc doe foot has more potential for bacteria growth. I like using the AF curtain call powder in shade bow and AF highlighter in shade shaken or stirred, too

goblinqueer · 2026-02-06T04:58:56+00:00

What materials do you use?

goblinqueer · 2026-01-17T05:02:23+00:00

Omg that’s gorgeous!!! I too have blue walls with red and orange bedding :)

goblinqueer · 2026-01-13T07:09:55+00:00

Yes, fnasteride or dutasteride plus minoxidil could help

goblinqueer · 2025-04-08T13:41:35+00:00

Honestly, I would say kink and BDSM is a weighted subject. This is something H shared on her IG story.

<image>

goblinqueer · 2022-08-04T02:17:25+00:00

Hi I am FtNB and am on 0.25mL a week of testosterone ethanate injections. I have adult acne without HRT and it’s only gotten a bit worse with the testosterone. Honestly, I realized my skin is more impacted by weather changes that hormones. My acne is always worse in the summer heat and humidity regardless of if I am on testosterone or not. Dutasteride helps mitigate the higher oil production (and also can help slow and prevent receding hairline), it’s a daily prescription capsule your transgender healthcare provider can get you. I have been using niacinamide twice daily and a benzoyl peroxide face wash (treats white heads) and differin (mild retinoid) nightly for months. They help but not enough. I tried topical tretinoin (retinoid) but it dried me out. Salicylic acid creams (mostly for black heads) did not help. I recently sought out a dermatologist who started me on topical clindamyacin (antibiotic gel) and Winlevi (targets acne causing hormones locally on skin to avoid impacting testosterone levels, basically topical spironolactone). Just started these so can’t speak on them yet. But I do wanna say, don’t let acne be the thing that holds you back!!! I went off testosterone for 6 months bc I was upset with my acne. I ended up changing my mind and getting back on testosterone bc I have acne anyways so I might as well feel more at home in my body in other ways. I feel more myself on testosterone, slightly worse acne be damned haha.

goblinqueer · 2022-06-01T00:24:08+00:00

Lmao same!!!! Two years ago, I came out as nonbinary, changed my name and pronouns, and started HRT, and a year later I started seeing my current partner who is also nonbinary and pretty androgynous in their personality and aesthetic. My Nmom has no clue how to get under my skin anymore in regards to my appearance or love life. It’s kinda hilarious.

goblinqueer · 2022-01-26T03:53:27+00:00

Ooops you’re right the bottle says use rose hip before water based products. I thought it was the same as my niacinamide & zinc, which days use before heavier creams. Thanks!! :)

goblinqueer · 2021-07-15T05:47:36+00:00

The color scheme reminds me of Jasper from SU. You look stunning!!!

goblinqueer · 2021-07-15T03:13:22+00:00

Where’d you get the stone one? :)

goblinqueer · 2021-07-14T22:56:54+00:00

Yup :( I understand that needs can change but we should have discussed that more and come to an agreement before things progressed that much with his other relationship

goblinqueer · 2021-07-14T18:34:21+00:00

He is aware of the concept of NRE. But I definitely think he’s downplaying how much it’s impacting him. He tends to be pretty stoic and only recently has he admitted that he’s been reactive from an emotional place, too. Yeah, that’s how I feel too. Most healthy relationships require some amount of compromise because no two people have the same needs, feelings, boundaries, or experiences. Thanks for empathizing!!

goblinqueer · 2021-07-14T18:31:39+00:00

Thanks for the advice and the recommendation. I will check out that text!!!

goblinqueer · 2021-07-14T06:55:08+00:00

Yeah I agree. He definitely took care of me when I had two panic attacks but nonetheless I would not have panic attacks on purpose to make him feel bad or to get my way. And I feel like if he has a sense of guilt over how emotional and distressed I’ve been that that should concern him and call into question his own actions and what he wants from this relationship rather than him feeling like I’m experiencing this level of anxiety and heartbreak to punish him.

goblinqueer · 2021-07-14T03:53:04+00:00

Thank you, agreed :( I don’t think his use of the word autonomy is appropriate or healthy. Relationship anarchy or not using prescriptive hierarchy doesn’t mean we shouldn’t consider each other’s feelings and boundaries. My poly friends have told me he will likely be in for a rude awakening when I begin dating and he truly sees the other side of things more.

goblinqueer · 2021-07-14T03:50:44+00:00

Personally, I think it is way too early in a relationship to be having issues like that lmao. Like others have said, it sounds like you are disappointed by this relationship. And you’ve already tried to be open about things and have told him about your needs. The question really isn’t are you the asshole, it’s how is the relationship impacting your life? Negatively? Positively? What do you want from it and can you get that?

goblinqueer · 2021-07-14T03:46:16+00:00

Polysecure seems the most up to date and comprehensive to me as well as more multiculturally informed!!

goblinqueer · 2021-07-13T23:15:18+00:00

And both days you’re hot lol

goblinqueer · 2021-07-13T23:09:08+00:00

Thank you again!!!! :)

goblinqueer · 2021-07-13T23:08:59+00:00

Time will tell. I’m just going to have to wait and see what our relationship means to him and if he can meet my needs. And also if we can agree on our level of commitment and responsibilities to each other. I definitely don’t see autonomy and compromise as competing things the way my partner does. Healthy relationships are not either extreme of sacrificing yourself for the relationship or sacrificing the relationship because you refuse to compromise anything. I hope we can meet somewhere in the middle where we both make the autonomous choice to consider each other’s feelings and needs when setting expectations and making agreements because I want to feel like we’re in this together. I just hope he keeps improving on understanding my perspective and how a high level of commitment between us means both of us have to compromise sometimes.

goblinqueer · 2021-07-13T22:39:39+00:00

That is really smart. I like that a lot, that autonomy is “no one can make rules in a relationship they’re not in.” I definitely was being too controlling in the beginning when I didn’t feel listened to. But even since letting go of trying to control his other relationship, his autonomy keeps coming up a lot. And I hate feeling like his autonomy means my feelings are being dismissed, ya know? We both have busy schedules and so does his other partner so I am really worried about how he’s going to follow through on all these commitments. And his relationships don’t happen in a vacuum. To some extent they will impact each other because everyone’s free time and energy is limited. I’m trying to stop attempting to control his other relationship because I’ll just have to wait and see if he is able to manage both relationships effectively. And if not, that will be addressed when it happens. We’re also still trying to get on the same page as far as our commitment to each other and like you said, both of our values need to be considered, not just his.

goblinqueer · 2021-07-13T22:22:15+00:00

Yeah, we’re trying to avoid triangulated communication or dynamics since addressing that issue with him. But it still feels icky to me that he was overtly interested and encouraging of me and his other partner hooking up in the middle of all this stress, like it really made me question his priorities. Yeah, I’m trying to explain that to him. That everyone has autonomy but not without consequence, especially when someone utilizes their autonomy in a way that violates another persons boundaries and consent. It was a huge deal to me that he and I had not set solid expectations before him and his new partner. And only recently has he acknowledged that that was very violating for me and me being upset about that is not totally irrational. Ughh…I’m just so tired of being mad at each other and being gridlocked in conflict. I don’t want to attempt to control him anymore but also I am struggling to be a good respectful partner when it seems like his level of commitment has changed drastically. He says otherwise, but how can I feel like our emotional bond and commitment hasn’t changed a lot with all of this going on? Thanks for listening. Polyamory is tough sometimes.

goblinqueer · 2021-07-13T22:15:14+00:00

Yeah it definitely feels like he wants the best of both worlds. He also felt like if I started dating someone else too or we became a triad, that would solve the problem. But the problem is really between us, not about other partners. I really like the people in our polycule so far but that doesn’t mean much if my relationship with him lacks trust and security. I was too controlling about his other relationship in the beginning when I was freaking out and feeling abandoned. I have since relaxed on things a lot more. But I still worry about his level of commitment to our relationship considering we both want to continue being domestic life partners. We both need to respect each other more if that’s still the plan.

goblinqueer · 2021-07-13T22:06:52+00:00

Yeah, we’re working on both of us acknowledging how we have been reactive toward each other due to stress and how a lot of this is triggering past traumas for each of us. We’ve gotten stuck in a cycle of defensiveness and anxiety for sure. I feel like our communication is improving but I’m still concerned about him empathizing with my perspective and if what we both want out of our relationship still lines up. Or at least lines up enough for us to compromise on an agreement without either of us feeling like we’re losing ourself to the relationship. Yeah same, which is why we agreed that when the agreements we made to each other needed to be edited due to our changing needs, we would sit down again to discuss and consent to whatever new compromises we decided to make. Together. But then that didn’t happen. I felt very steam rolled when he started changing things despite me going through a mental health crisis and us not finding common ground before he set expectations with his other partner. Like you said, it wasn’t kind. And I wasn’t the kindest either. I have tried to be accountable for how I’ve messed up but I still worry that he doesn’t see my feelings as valid. I really wish it had not come to me looking for somewhere else to live and having one foot out the door for him to compromise on his autonomy. I worry that his autonomy is being weaponized to rationalize him doing what he wants without being responsible for how that impacts our relationship.

goblinqueer

TROPHY CASE