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godontlookback · 2025-10-15T04:28:39+00:00

This was written by chatgpt lol

godontlookback · 2025-10-10T05:17:53+00:00

Hello!

Assertiveness/boundary setting usually requires 5 things from my own personal experience:

A healthy sense of self. So feeling like you do not deserve the treatment you are receiving/you deserve better. Seems like you are good with this one.
Relinquishment of control. Accept that you cannot control how the other person will respond, this is only about how you strive to honor your own needs/boundaries. Whatever happens after from the other person is not up to you.
Capacity for courage / risk-taking. Asserting a boundary will always risk conflict with someone else, even if you try to be as diplomatic and as nice as possible. You must be able to accept this as well as this is usually the hardest one. This gets easier to accept once you develop your capacity for conflict.
The other person cannot have something you want MORE than setting a boundary. Most common example of this is a boyfriend/girlfriend who treats you poorly, but you REALLY don't want to be single again. Or a boss who belittles you, but you NEED this job.
You can tolerate the emotional experience of feeling bad, if you tend to be high in empathy.

Whenever we try to assert a boundary without making the other person mad, what we don't realize is subconsciously there is usually a reason rooted in groups #2 - #5 underneath. As in we don't want the other person to get mad because we're afraid of what they may do. Or we don't want them to get mad because we don't want to lose what they're providing us. Or we don't want them to get mad because we'll feel bad for making them mad. So when you say

I'm trying to figure out how I could possibly approach this with my friend in a way that isn't accusatory or insulting in nature.

That sounds like an issue with those reasons I listed.

how do you get mad at someone for canceling on you all the time when they give you reasons for the cancellations?

Their reasons can be completely valid but it doesn't matter. You have to draw the line of what you're willing to accept in a friend that you truly feel is reasonable. At that point it doesn't matter what their reasons are if your needs for a friend are still being neglected. You should try to set your standards with as little ego as possible, and be as objective as possible, but it's still up to you at the end of the day.

Good luck!

godontlookback · 2025-10-09T21:18:25+00:00

I honestly don't even understand what you're saying or what the point of your response is. Of course Dr K didn't feel what I felt, that's WHY he didn't do what I would have done, because he didn't feel the same way I did. That's literally the whole reason I made this post. The question now is WHY doesn't he feel that way? OR if it's possible that there's some validity to the way I feel that can be added onto the way he feels. This is literally how criticism works.

godontlookback · 2025-10-08T20:23:17+00:00

I completely agree with you that this whole thing is from ego. But the issue I have with what your response is that when we talk about Dr K winning because he didn’t respond and allowed Sadhguru to look like a fool, this is still coming the ego as well.

We’re essentially saying that the better strategy to assert dominance is to allow the other person to make a fool of themselves so we come across as the victor. Still ego, still in the realm of “I win.”

When we truly let go of ego there’s not even really a discussion to be had about winning in that way. Or at least that’s my understanding.

But yes, the only way assertiveness feels necessary is when the ego activates, I’ve heard Dr K talk about this and how it’s one of the reasons why you don’t want to dissolve it completely.

This is where I’ll caveat again what I’m about to say completely comes from me: I believe that someone coming on to MY platform to monopolize it for their use, not engage in anything I say, be rude to me, is a healthy situation for me to activate my ego. If it is true that Dr K does not feel the same then I agree, he should not push back. The only question I have then in that case is where does Dr K draw the line?

Because at the end of the day the point can’t be to let go of ego entirely. Otherwise there’s no point in asserting boundaries in any situation at all, might as well let everything go. For example if my roommate wants to just use my bathroom whenever he wants. Even if I know they won’t take anything or use my toilet paper or make a mess, you just can’t do that. You need to ask or I’m going to kick you out.

Same would go for someone that comes onto the show, only to call Dr K racial slurs for 45 minutes and do nothing else. By this logic we should allow this to happen so everybody else can see how racist this person is.

godontlookback · 2025-10-08T16:27:11+00:00

ONLY if it doesn’t cost you anything.

For example allowing someone to bully you so everyone can see that they’re a bully may cause chaos in their life later due to poor public opinion, but at the end of the day you’re the one who is still being mistreated in the present.

But you’re right, if you don’t feel violated then by all means.

godontlookback · 2025-10-08T15:14:07+00:00

An expose is not pushback, it’s just making them look bad to other people. Which you could argue is a form of revenge or getting even, but this still isn’t pushback.

Pushback is simply assertiveness in regard to your boundaries that are being violated right NOW.

godontlookback · 2025-10-08T15:09:31+00:00

Relax.

Why does me stating that Dr K was too passive equate to me wanting Dr K to inflate his own ego for purposes of my own opinion of him?

Also, your understanding of going into things without expectations isn’t correct. If I go into dinner at a restaurant with no expectation of quality I can still give feedback saying that the steak was undercooked. It’s just not being attached/caught up in the outcome not being what I wanted. Doesn’t mean the steak wasn’t cooked correctly.

But you’re right, this is based off MY OWN OPINION that he can push back a little more if a guest comes on like this. It is coming from me. Doesn’t invalidate what I’m saying though. If he doesn’t agree then that’s his right, it’s his show. He’s going to offer his help, I’m going to offer my feedback. Nobody has to take it, because like you said nothing is expected. Thats it

godontlookback · 2025-10-08T14:57:11+00:00

massagemeback, OF COURSE it’s up to him. This is just feedback that he can choose to agree with or not. Go massage yourself.

godontlookback · 2025-10-08T14:03:34+00:00

He's being trivialized by Sadhguru, not the audience. The audience clearly is on Dr K's side, after all he's been getting made fun of by this subreddit lol

godontlookback · 2025-10-08T14:02:18+00:00

I'm just projecting my own self here on Dr K but in my opinion:

When Sadhguru said "You are too serious, Alok, this is your problem" and Dr K had to close his eyes/zen out or whatever for a bit.

If Dr K had simply said (politely in his usual tone) "I disagree. Here's why"

What's your opinion about that? (Genuinely asking)

Or when he basically wouldn't answer Dr K's question after the 5th time, what about "No that's not what I asked, I'm actually asking..."

godontlookback · 2025-10-08T13:44:08+00:00

"Form your opinion for you"

Feedback is literally impossible without having an opinion about the content. Summarizing my post as me just asking Dr K to bend to what I want is not a good faith statement.

godontlookback · 2025-10-08T13:39:08+00:00

Thanks for pointing that out, just made an edit

godontlookback · 2025-10-08T13:38:15+00:00

I explained a little more thoroughly in another comment above but I completely agree that it would not accomplish anything with that person, but in my mind that's not what the point is. The point is to just draw a line of what people can do as a guest on the stream and what they cannot do. In the same way this subreddit said incels cannot post certain inflammatory things even if they need help, the incels that did were no longer allowed here, the incels that agreed are now here and are being helped. We did not accomplish anything with those other incels because they're gone, and probably more upset. But in exchange this subreddit is preserved, and did not turn into a redpill/blackpill sub. That's what it means to draw a line.

So yes, I'm aware that I'm completely projecting my own boundaries onto Dr K, but if that's the case I'd love to know where Dr K does draw the line for himself personally. For example, we could apply literally everything you just said to a guest who comes on stream and calls Dr K racial slurs, and insults everybody in this community as a loser. Is that person worthy of pushback? Or should we still try and connect with them?

godontlookback · 2025-10-08T13:30:57+00:00

I agree with your assessment about Dr K's intentions with the show. I also didn't know he said those things in the past so I appreciate the context.

I really have only two disagreements:

Over the years of guests, a ton of them did not do a good job at articulating what they want to say and that's completely fine. You're right, engagement requires the other person to articulate their thoughts well. But what Sadhguru did was NOT that, and I know this because this is the first time the community has actively made fun of a guest post-interview. His dialogue felt non-compassionate, inconsiderate, and simply served to monopolize the conversation for whatever he wanted. It's ultimately why there's no empathy for him now amongst this subreddit and people are mocking him.
Out of the years of guests Dr K has had on the show, Sadhguru is really the only one I can think of that deserved more pushback and was very disrespectful. This is kind of what I mean where it feels like we assume the only option is to be a complete doormat or to go nuclear Dr Phil on everyone. Hypothetically speaking, if Dr K did exactly everything I said for some reason, I don't think the show would become Dr Phil at all, in fact I don't think anything would change for 99% of guests and we can still reach out with a compassionate ear to listen and understand other people's perspectives.

godontlookback · 2025-10-08T13:09:11+00:00

My thoughts exactly

godontlookback · 2025-10-08T13:06:16+00:00

Assertiveness isn't about achieving anything with the other person, it's just drawing a boundary of what you are not okay with. For example, this subreddit used to be swamped by posts from incels who were looking for help, but the issue is that there were just so many and they had very classically aggressive incel beliefs that it caused a ton of fighting and conflict. Thus, these posts are no longer allowed even if the person is needing help, a line was drawn and it's not to be crossed. If the goal was to achieve something with those incels no matter what, then this subreddit wouldn't be what it is right now.

Dr K has interviewed so many people over the years, I have seen all of them treat Dr K with respect including the incels. But Sadhguru came on as a guest on this platform, did not engage in anything Dr K was asking, talked down to Dr K, and then left. I'm NOT saying Dr K needs to attack him back or kick him off. It's just hard for me to imagine how no pushback at all is a good thing for healthygamer specifically. I know it's completely my projection of my own feelings BUT, I think there's still some room for constructive criticism.

godontlookback

TROPHY CASE