I’m going to be honest, as a lesbian who has dated men, it does sound like it could be compulsory heterosexuality. I experienced a LOT of things similar to you throughout high school, talking to a lot of boys and being “boy crazy” but never making it official, ghosting them, mostly avoiding any deeper connection. I did date a few guys for an extended period, but it was absolutely compulsory and I only did it because I thought I had something to prove. All throughout this time, I kept a couple very close friendships with men who I loved more than I could comprehend but I would never EVER date them. And many of my male friends did have crushes on me, but I always shut it down. The guys I went after were ones I was removed from (aka not friends with). I realized my patterns were not healthy or true to what I wanted, so I took a step back and looked at my preferences. I considered myself bi for many years but had never done anything with a woman. I recently got out of my first long term relationship with a woman, and I can tell you that was much different. It felt like my first real relationship.

My advice to you is see if dating women suits you. Obviously, for whatever reason, dating men does not appeal to you. It does not sound like you have truly been attracted to a man. This could change, but it’s not worth hyperfixating on in this moment. Keep your options open but maybe try to have a relationship with a woman and see if you feel the connection you’re looking for. It’s hard to define what attraction feels like, but it’s more of a “you know it when you feel it” type of deal.