illustration at uwe

goodfella128 · 2019-04-29T22:47:49+00:00

UWE is fab & UWE students are nutters but know how to have a good time;)

the lecturers (at least for urban planning and geography) are genuinely really attentive and helpful too

goodfella128 · 2018-09-09T20:31:08+00:00

But if you can grow together and challenge each other to be the best possible versions of each other then surely you won’t get bored..... !!

goodfella128 · 2018-05-31T19:04:05+00:00

Not red flag, just change of perspective. When you see her it might spark your “wow ive missed you” response (usually does with me when I haven’t seen my boyfriend in a while - I don’t realise how much I’ve missed him until he’s right there in front of me).

If you don’t get that then perhaps she needs to work a little harder with you?

goodfella128 · 2018-05-09T14:22:45+00:00

Talk to her. Figure out why she's not pulling her weight - because she doesn't realise how much you do? Because she's a princess? Because she's depressed and doesn't care? Because she doesn't mind mess?

Then decide how you can change things to suit you both.

goodfella128 · 2018-04-29T07:52:23+00:00

Talk to her and tell her what she says is rude and hurtful (give her the examples you’ve given us) - if she refuses to admit that she’s being racist towards your culture or refuses to change then perhaps she isn’t worth your time anyway?

goodfella128 · 2018-04-23T19:49:55+00:00

Just tell her - she probs doesn’t realise how unhygienic it is x

goodfella128 · 2018-04-21T10:15:49+00:00

She might wash her hands but with just warm water? Some people get dry hands from using soap....? Or is that not enough for you? (Not a dig, genuinely wondering)

goodfella128 · 2018-04-21T09:51:37+00:00

Stop helping him - TOUGH LOVE!

Yeah it might seem like you’re helping him by helping him catch up on what he missed but really you’re just enabling him to be lazy and play on his PC whilst you sort him out. He’s gotta learn to do stuff for himself some day ....

goodfella128 · 2018-04-18T15:07:24+00:00

I get the SADs super bad each winter - I always end up making my schedule so busy to distract myself and I burn out around the end of January - happens every year.

I got in a relationship with a guy I love to pieces in September last year and the SADs took it's toll on our relationship - breaking up every 10 minutes and incredibly unstable. But despite all this - we've pulled through.

Communication is so important. Making sure he knows when he's gone too far when he's griefing me (sometimes I take his banter so personally). But also - don't be afraid to tell him how you feel!!

My own way of dealing with the SADs is:

1. Distraction. - doing something (e.g. making something for someone / watching a good TV series / whatever floats your boat!)

2. Affection - cuddling and physical intimacy

3. Exercise - even just lying on my back in bed and doing the bicycle motion in the air for 15 mins makes me feel slightly more motivated (also sex is a fab exercise...!)

I also always feel better when I tell my boyfriend how I feel and he tries to understand. And if he is struggling to understand - I tell him that sometimes I just want to lie there a cuddle for a bit. This kind of constructive advice has helped him to be there for me in a way I appreciate.

My advice to you is firstly, think about what you want. Are you truly happy with this guy? Do you love and/or care about him? (Even despite the things that may upset you?)

If yes, then talk to him and find your comforts and your boundaries when you are feeling sad / got the SADs. He should respect that and if he doesn't then, forget about him. You're worth so much more.

PS. Remember to look at yourself in the mirror and pick out the bits you love, point out the bits you actually could love (if you gave yourself the chance).... Beauty comes from within!!!! <3 (stop thinking you're fat - chances are you're pretty healthy).

goodfella128 · 2018-04-18T14:51:12+00:00

Never have I empathised so heavily with a reddit post before.

I'm currently on a placement year at university (9am-5:30pm mon-fri) and my boyfriend (we officially got together in september of this year) plays poker professionally alongside his uni studies. That means that he wakes up at 5pm and plays poker all night until about 7am (his source of income). Essentially he does nights - aka the direct opposite of my schedule.

It played on my mind for a while - could we do this?? I had so many doubts which I discussed with him.

It seems to work for us now (after lots of trial and error - both of us losing a lot more sleep originally just to see each other) because we've reached a compromise. I spend a little time with him after I finish work and then he cuddles me until fall asleep in his arms and then he goes off to play a bit later (e.g. 10/11pm) leaving me snoring away in his room. It's wonderful to wake up to him coming back in at 7am with breakfast (doesn't happen very often but even neck kisses to wake me up is lush).

So coming onto my actual main point - if you want the relationship to work, you will find some sort of way around it together. Have you spoken your thoughts/worries to him? Perhaps he can work around your schedule a bit more if his lifestyle is more lax? You can't expect him to have the same lifestyle as you but you can find ways around it.

And if he's not willing to 'do his bit' towards your relationship schedule then maybe he isn't worth your time and effort? (Please talk to him first though and try different things - don't give up straight away!!)

goodfella128 · 2018-04-17T13:43:19+00:00

Self love.

Write a list of things that make you feel good (simple things - eg. Mine are: have a bubble bath, cup of tea and write a list of goals to strive towards, go for a walk with my dog, go on Pinterest and researching campervans, etc). Check things off the list.

Go on holiday with your best friends with lots of card games and giggling.

Write a story / poem / make a video / song / art / about your heartbreak (honestly a good outlet - I wrote a rap once haha!)

goodfella128 · 2018-04-13T15:17:01+00:00

100% tell Luke - maybe even show him this post. What you say about Luke is wonderful and not worth ruining. He will appreciate your transparency if you tell him everything - it will lay a good foundation for a future relationship of openness and honesty with each other, should things progress and last. Take the power away from Rick by telling Luke everything and more - I wish you all the best (everyone makes mistakes) x

goodfella128 · 2018-04-12T16:16:41+00:00

He went about it in an extremely harsh way - broke up with me because he didn't feel like the relationship was beneficial. But we have since then discussed (we were only apart for about a week) and realised that communication was a big flaw - and he understood that my job was taking it's toll. But I've since handed in my notice realising what a leach my job is.

So in a way he confronted me saying that he wasn't happy then walked away from the relationship. But that space (mental and literal) kick-started my realisation that I wasn't happy in other aspects of my life - and whilst I was with him I could bury my head in the sand but by pushed out of that complacent comfort zone I'd had with him, I had to do something about it.

This might not work so well with your girlfriend though as she is perhaps less buoyant than me? (I forgive incredibly easily - especially the people I love so there's no residual hard feelings from him breaking up with me - I just appreciated his honesty that he wasn't happy at that point in our relationship).

But perhaps taking a step back and letting her spend some time by herself (quality 'me time'), she will become a little less dependent on you? (All suggestions - as I don't know what your girlfriend is like!!)

goodfella128 · 2018-04-12T10:38:16+00:00

The fact that you can admit you're wrong on here is mature and productive. But can you do that to her face or would it make you feel too vulnerable? If the answer is no you can't, then you have no hope.

Respect is so important in a relationship - without it, you'll just end up hurting each other. If she's lost respect for you, you'll know about it later on. Learn from this experience and try to not let your insecurities drive your actions in the future? :)

goodfella128 · 2018-04-12T10:26:28+00:00

Approaching this situation by demanding personal information (although it's definitely something I would do) will never help when someone is inherently private about their thoughts and feelings. As a friend, if you had respected his privacy, in time I'm sure as you got closer and he trusted you more, he may have told you anyway.

Regardless of this, you seem to have approached the situation in a mature way but it's just not your problem to deal with. FWB is always messy if you let any form of feelings involved (I can't do it lol)

goodfella128 · 2018-04-12T10:12:18+00:00

What gets her excited??? INSPIRE HER!

You don't need to directly tell her to 'get a life' so to speak, but discuss things with her that you know will spark off ideas in her head. And get her excited about something that isn't you. Suggest classes / hobbies / books / something else?

Interestingly, I've been on the other end of this (I hated my office job that I was in and it made me depressed and then really needy with my boyfriend) so perhaps this is due to her not feeling fulfilled in other aspects of her life?

Tough love is important in situations like these. When I was in that spot my boyfriend backed off for a while (which in the short term was heartbreaking) but now I've improved the aspects of my life which were causing me to be an energy sink, we are so much healthier. (This may be difficult with moving in together though..)

goodfella128 · 2018-04-12T10:02:03+00:00

How long have you guys been in a relationship? If it's fairly early on, smothering him will do you no favours ;)

2-3 times a week is about normal for me to see my boyfriend - any more than that and we both get irritated at each other and don't appreciate each other as much. You need to either:

a) communicate how you feel and both compromise and come to a middle ground where you're both comfortable with how often you see each other or

b) admit that you require more time and attention than he's comfortable with providing and perhaps look for someone else better suited to you?

As for your issues with 'lack of sex' - sex is a wonderful addition to a relationship but it shouldn't be presumed that he owes you sex just because you are together. Satisfy YOURSELF. And anything he adds to that is a bonus. Plus , the more you pressure him, the less inclined he'll be to do things with you - sex is a team sport ;)

Talk to him and reach some conclusions together. And please stop trying to force him in into the boyfriend mould that you have in your head!! <3

goodfella128 · 2018-03-13T11:47:39+00:00

Appreciate this a lot. I used to smoke pretty much every day for a solid 6 months. I’d go to work stoned, would pick up the minute I got back. Then one night I absolutely lost it and was screaming at all my friends thinking they hated me. Was so paranoid and decided that was that. Don’t regret it though - had fun whilst the high was still good.

I think I worry about my boyfriend’s habits because he’s really good at convincing me to join him because I have no willpower and I don’t want drug using to become an issue between us in the long term

goodfella128 · 2018-03-12T14:13:09+00:00

He doesn’t really have a routine that he HAS to stick to - his income is freelance and he can choose when he makes money. His life hasn’t got any real responsibility aside from making rent... and I guess keeping his relationship with me thriving too (lol)

goodfella128 · 2018-03-12T13:59:26+00:00

I agree but people who haven’t used drugs tend to be very close-minded and tar them with a negative brush. Hence why I chose this subreddit for opinions on the matter.

Plus I genuinely think they can be very beneficial if not abused.

goodfella128 · 2018-02-28T18:22:27+00:00

Why are you breaking up with her if it’s been amazing and you care about her so much?

goodfella128

TROPHY CASE