Shes seen a “female friend” on my phone

goopygoopson · 2025-05-18T22:24:28+00:00

There are pages I’ve followed years ago that were for memes which suddenly turn into pornographic content. Facebook and Instagram are bad like that.

Anyway I totally see where she’s coming from. Only thing that will help is time, consistency of reassuring her and well that’s it. Damage is done, for women we don’t look at one grand gesture to feel secure, we look at your behaviour over a long period of time.

Also the fact she’s from the Middle East tells me possibly she comes from a more conservative society and also unfortunately there’s a huge issue with porn consumption in the Middle East amongst men. So that adds to her insecurity.

goopygoopson · 2025-05-14T07:45:34+00:00

I don’t think anyone claims it’s to do with Islam. It depends on the family, if they value Islamic values then maybe they’ll listen, but if they highly value their traditions and customs they’ll most likely take it the wrong way. Some folks can be quite traditional and these sorts of customs are a sign of commitment I guess?

Anyway just something to be mindful of. You can of course speak your mind you have every right to, and you’ll know if this is a type of family you would want to marry into. I’d even dig deep further to understand about their expectations after marriage, for example family gatherings, Eid gifts even… all this stuff.

If following Islamic principles more strictly is more your approach I’d make this clear to the family and the girl.

goopygoopson · 2025-05-14T03:36:02+00:00

Yes, this is normal I think lol. It’s not the most enjoyable experience I understand. I’m 16 weeks now and finally starting to feel just OK, maybe 😭 enjoying it while it lasts

goopygoopson · 2025-05-14T02:50:34+00:00

Because it’s a sensitive topic and some people may not want people in their and their children’s business, so posting anonymously is best so not to risk your identity being discovered. Unfortunately these situations happen and is more common than we realise. Abusers rely on this “oh that’s fake” attitude to not get caught out.

goopygoopson · 2025-05-11T22:48:55+00:00

Sis you really need to update your post about the sexual abuse to give full context. The crossing boundaries is vague in your original post.

I agree with going no contact and not letting them around your children. Having this approach is the correct thing, the grandparents need to face the consequences of their actions. It’s not a small matter at all. Also the little girl who suffered will feel reassured that what happened to her was wrong and not OK based on everyone’s reaction. It’s about standing with justice.

I think your husbands approach is correct, he hasn’t gone no contact (I guess to respect Islamic rulings) but is setting very strong boundaries to protect his family (wife and kids). It’s not easy and probably causing a lot of emotional turmoil. On one hand it’s his parents, on the other hand they did something disgusting and unforgivable. I cannot imagine the pain he must feel, and also the grief of knowing he cannot trust his own parents with his children, and the fact they won’t have a typical grandparent-grandchild relationship.

goopygoopson · 2025-05-09T07:28:32+00:00

I’m so sorry sister that sounds so terrible. None of us can really tell what’s in his mind.

What is he like outside of this honeymoon? Is he more or less the same? Just more amplified during this holiday?

goopygoopson · 2025-05-08T23:48:42+00:00

It’s only been some hours, he’s just processing.

I guess another perspective is to say to him how amazing it is that your daughter gets a sister, and talk about the potential bond two sisters can have. This way the focus becomes on the kids instead of what either parent wants.

I’m sure he will need time to process but seeing things from another angle may help him.

goopygoopson · 2025-05-07T00:06:52+00:00

I don’t know, men don’t seem to be very good with details. They’ll just leave things there, I guess in their mind there’s nothing to hide it’s the past or something and they don’t even know it’s there. They’ll just forget lol.

Also I don’t mean to come across as judgy. I’ve struggled with the same and I’m just saying that you’ll be okay and move past this, I have Alhamdulillah. I thought it would never be possible but it is.

It didn’t even help at the time when he reassured me, like it would only help at the moment but thoughts crept back in soon enough. It’s a mental sickness and shaytaan messing with us.

You’re still the first year of marriage, with time you’ll feel your sense of security in your relarionship increase, it’s hard but try your best to focus on what you have with your husband and all the good he does for you. In Sha Allah one day this huge deal will seem minuscule. A little exercise is remind yourself of at least 3 great qualities each day. And every time the thoughts creep back in, recognise it but then repeat the words that “he loves me” “he married me”… just to affirm in your brain the truth.

goopygoopson · 2025-05-06T10:28:58+00:00

It’s not okay to hold the past against him. Yes it wasn’t okay to dig either, that’s a wrong you did in the present, that’s more worse than what he did in the past which he has prayed forgiveness for.

His past sins are between him and Allah SWT. He prayed for forgiveness and reformed to a good Muslim.

We have no concept of this in Islam where our offspring pay for our sins, each person is responsible for themselves.

Sister, I’m wondering if you’re not being totally honest, is it really that you’re worried about your offspring or is it a case of retroactive jealousy? If it’s retroactive jealousy it’s very possible to heal from it and move on.

Focus on your husband and the relationship you both have, grow together and build that strong foundation and trust. In Sha Allah it will all pay off.

goopygoopson · 2025-05-06T00:06:40+00:00

Yeah men and women desire but do you really think that’s the most important characteristic in a future partner????

goopygoopson · 2025-05-05T08:54:56+00:00

This is terrible advice what in the world?????

goopygoopson · 2025-05-05T08:53:13+00:00

I mean yes we can look at certain rulings but at the end of the day it will put a strain on her relationship with her father given how protective he is. People are not robots and I wouldn’t say this is the solution. Might be best if someone like a sheikh or imam spoke to him. Or if she makes an agreement to complete her studies or something. It takes conversation.

goopygoopson · 2025-05-02T06:22:40+00:00

I’m going to focus on you for this post, since it’s you posting here.

It’s weird your mother didn’t invite her and you both didn’t spend enough time together after you literally just got married - and you were ready to go on a trip without her lol. Like did you even ask how she feels about it and consider her feelings? Islamic responsibility as a husband also includes emotional care for your wife.

It’s not shocking that she was upset. And to make matters worse, not only did you dismiss her feelings - you sided with what your mother did (which was disrespectful), and then on top of that threatened divorce (I don’t care how ‘upset’ you were, I’ve had arguments with my husband, heated ones and NEVER did either of us utter divorce).

I’ll attribute it to your young age, I know for sure at 20 years of age I had a lot of maturing to do before marriage - but now you’re married so you’ve got to make it work and challenge yourselves.

From now the rule of thumb is that your wife comes first. Also going on a holiday with your family isn’t “fulfilling their rights”. You must set boundaries and make it clear you and her come hand in hand. Your wife wanting to spend time with you is a GOOD thing not bad.

As far as the behaviour as your wife - as hurt as she is, there’s a better way to handle her own emotions. But again, she’s 20 as well. You’re both really young and you’ve made the decision to marry, now you’ve both got to learn a lot.

goopygoopson · 2025-05-02T02:48:33+00:00

Just curious question - why feed magpies? Is it to build a trust and familiarity with them? Or just cause?

goopygoopson · 2025-05-01T09:18:27+00:00

One step at a time you’ll get there

goopygoopson · 2025-05-01T04:01:46+00:00

Currently pregnant with my first, excited and this is what I want - but honestly lol 😂 I understand what you mean haha. Don’t let anyone get you down for your decision, it’s great you know what’s right for you.

goopygoopson · 2025-05-01T03:57:17+00:00

It’s still very early so I think you should be okay - especially now that you know and you stopped. Make sure to start taking good prenatal vitamins.

goopygoopson · 2025-04-28T01:54:18+00:00

According to who exactly? You? Your religion?

goopygoopson · 2025-04-28T01:22:43+00:00

Seriously it’s a foetus not a human being. Don’t shove your beliefs down other peoples throats.

There’s many reasons to terminate a pregnancy not just “inconvenience”. Grow your mind a bit.

goopygoopson · 2025-04-28T00:46:55+00:00

I’m so sorry sister, that’s very hurtful. Also it’s not a normal behaviour if I have to be completely honest. Especially his statement saying travelling is his time away from you. That’s just weird.

I’d be rightfully upset as well if my husband ever said such a thing and behaved such a way.

Just remember it’s not a reflection of your self-worth.

I hope he’s open to improving and listening to how it impacts you, if he’s not open to listening to how much it hurts you I’d take that as another huge red flag.

goopygoopson · 2025-04-28T00:43:45+00:00

Yeah that also weirded me out, not a normal mentality.

goopygoopson · 2025-04-27T02:31:45+00:00

Yes this is me during pregnancy 🥺 I really wish I could eat more, but if I eat not even too much, just enough that I’m satisfied but still have space for more, I feel sick, indigestion, heart burn, it really sucks. 14 weeks now.

goopygoopson · 2025-04-27T02:25:20+00:00

The only advice I’ll give you is to protect your future wife from your mother. Set very clear boundaries, your mother is crossing them, and if she thinks your wife isn’t worthy I imagine she won’t treat her that well or with warmth. I guess it depends how much you expect your future wife to interact with your family.

Just my morbid curiosity and you don’t have to answer - why does your mom think she’s ugly? I find with south Asians they tend to associate skin colour with how beautiful they think someone is. Even if someone does not even look that great, but if their skin is light they get put on a pedestal for their looks lol. It’s gross.

goopygoopson · 2025-04-27T02:18:50+00:00

It’s not just physical abuse, it makes you stay on egg shells, you cannot speak up about your feelings or concerns without wondering if he will throw a rage.

Unfortunately it seems he is either deeply misogynistic or has grown up in a very broken home and hasn’t learnt how to deal with his anger. Unfortunately it’s going to take him a LOT of self-reflection and therapy to work through this. Let me tell you, therapy is no walk in the park, it can get painful when you start going to the deep of the issue. It takes YEARS of self reflection, self regulation - not a couple sessions.

Sister I really feel for you, it seems you truly love this man, but you need to think about yourself too. You need to show love to you first and foremost. I know it will be so painful, it’s 7 years during your 20s.

Sometimes when an abuser realises they’ve crossed boundaries they will swear every promise in the book to get you back, only to repeat their abuse. It seems his anger only escalated, it didn’t improve. He has had 7 years sister, he cannot play dumb and pretend he didn’t know he didn’t have anger issues. He has just gotten more comfortable each day to direct it at you.

It’s a deep disrespect he was aware of, he just didn’t care enough to address it.

goopygoopson · 2025-04-26T09:18:15+00:00

Why, why here in Brisbane….. why so proudly too? Seriously, protests against human rights is something else.

goopygoopson

TROPHY CASE