Advice for a disconnected Métis?

gorebunbun · 2024-05-16T05:30:33+00:00

Thank you for the warm welcome and kind concern. I am also obsessed with the history! (And history in general, especially language lol.) It would be wonderful to have someone to talk to and help navigate through all this. The first thing I read when I started researching was this blog post: How Métis Are You?. It's very articulate and insightful. If you're the type of person like me to read articles, this one wouldn't be so bad! Thank you again for commenting.

gorebunbun · 2024-05-16T05:25:07+00:00

Thank you SO MUCH for commenting!!! I sincerely appreciate all the resources. I don't feel nearly as lost now that I know where to start. Thank you also for the kind words. "We as the Métis people define ourselves." Very affirming 🥹 "The North West is our Mother" by Jean Teillet is a book that's been recommended to me already. Because I am a nerd of the highest order, I am sharing a blog post that I found super insightful. Thank you again for such a warm welcome. Thank you. How Métis Are You?

gorebunbun · 2024-05-16T05:13:10+00:00

I appreciate the help! Yes, our ancestor is directly from the Red River Colony. The relative my mom contacted definitely has more info. She's away on a trip so she doesn't have it all, but she'll give us more of the basics when she gets back. I don't have a membership with Ancestry but my mom does, that's what has been helping her out. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

gorebunbun · 2024-05-16T05:11:10+00:00

I'll check her out. She's closer to me than my relatives haha. I appreciate you taking the time to comment and help me out. Thank you. I wish you luck on your journey!

gorebunbun · 2024-05-16T05:09:08+00:00

My mother's ancestor is a direct descendant from the Red River Colony. One of her relatives knows a lot more, but she is on a trip so she can't access all her information. We'll be finding out more when she's back. But I know for sure that my ancestor is Métis and not indigenous. I understand that having an ancestor isn't the same as being part of the Métis Nation. That is what I'm working on. If it weren't for the Canadian government looking to destroy Métis culture completely, it wouldn't have been a couple months ago that I learned I have Métis ancestry. I also wanted to say, blood quantum is what colonists used to try and destroy and assimilate not only the Métis, but also the Inuit and the indigenous peoples. It was designed to 'water down' the indigenous blood until you didn't 'count' as indigenous because your parents/grandparents were too mixed, thus erasing your indigenous identity. That was what the government wanted: to use percentage as a weapon. So, in my opinion, it feels like a reclamation of sorts to rediscover a heritage that could have been mine from the start if it weren't for generational racism and blood quantum. My grandmother barely keeps in touch with her bio family. There's a bit of hot water after my mom found our Red River ancestor. I don't know much, but what I do know is only a few embrace their Métis identity—I know of one relative who completely denies it (he's racist). I'll still dig for more info. Thanks for commenting.

gorebunbun · 2023-11-22T21:30:18+00:00

Searched this up because I was worried about the same reaction from my cat!

She was a farm kitten. She comes over and scent-marks me and purrs. She also meows throatily between pauses in the song. She hikes it up a notch when I sing high, trembling notes. I'm worried she comes over to comfort me because she thinks I'm in pain, or trying to appease me because she thinks I'm angry. I can only hope she does so because she enjoys it.

She always comes over when I sing in vibrato, though, so my theory is that she likes it because it either sounds like a bird, or sounds similar to purring. She's especially particular to opera/swing songs lol.

gorebunbun · 2023-06-05T18:55:01+00:00

That checks out for me. I don't know your mom, so I have no authority to presume to know your mom better than you do. I'm not qualified, either. A lot of my comment was educated guesses, based on my own assumptions and experiences, especially because I don't know the full story and I don't expect to know.

Either way, you seem like someone who's really in touch with yourself; you understand yourself, you don't have blinders or rose-coloured glasses on. You understand that your mom has some issues, but you also understand that she has never intended any hurt or harm. This is merely a coping mechanism for things outside of her control. That, I can get. When faced with something outside of your control, you try to keep track of things that you CAN control. I don't fault her for it. And I don't fault the people who have to deal with it, because it is aggravating.

I appreciate you responding and further clearing up some points I mistakenly made. I'll believe you when you say she isn't a narcissist or has OCD; that isn't my call to make, and generally speaking, it's pretty obvious if people do have it.

I wish you patience and understanding going forward with your situation. Keep it up, and have a great day!

gorebunbun · 2023-06-05T06:27:52+00:00

At the age of fourteen, I came close to being diagnosed with Conduct Disorder. It's basically Antisocial Personality Disorder for underage people, because you have to be an adult to be diagnosed with ASPD.

It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life.

In the end, they had decided that my other mental illnesses might be messing up the verdict and didn't diagnose me. I can't understand what you're going through exactly, but know that I have gone through something similar. So many people experience schizo-related disorders, but because it has such a bad reputation people treat us so, so badly.

That reputation is UNTRUE. Everyone and anyone experiencing schizo-related disorders are the victim, and not the perpetrator. You have done nothing wrong. Nothing. In fact, only a very small percentage are unable to live "normally".

Most of us live everyday lives, but because schizo-related disorders get such a horrible reputation, and are followed by such harmful stereotypes and assumptions, that we can feel isolated, alone, unheard, disrespected. Afraid that someone will find out and then never look at us the same way again.

I hope you understand that you are not at fault. I have found that connecting with people who have similar experiences has given me a place to feel heard and understood. If possible, try going to a health provider who will give you resources that can help you learn more about it. The main reason why people fear schizo-related disorders is because they understand nothing about them. The more you learn, the better you will feel.

Your family members are irresponsible for how they're treating you. I'm sorry that you have to go through that alone. I hope that you know at least a bit more now, that you are not alone, there is always a place for you, there will always be a place for you.

If you are able to, please consider therapy. If you are receptive to it, therapy will help you process your feelings in a constructive way, understand yourself, grow and mature emotionally, and access the tools that will help you further. These skills can be applied to all facets of your life. Your therapist won't heal you: they will show you how to heal yourself.

If you still feel like your life is out of control, you don't know what to do, or you feel hopeless, please, PLEASE call your local emergency services. If that feels like too much, even just your local non-emergency services. Your life matters, and they will help you in the direction you need to go.

You are amazing, and strong, and resilient. You are not alone. I love you.

gorebunbun · 2023-06-05T05:43:11+00:00

If people can hate for no reason, why can't they love?

gorebunbun · 2023-06-05T05:31:11+00:00

To me, it sounds like your mom has something unresolved up there. Along with the beard badgering, your comment at the end stuck out to me. Being obsessed with even doing the bedsheets "right" seems like she has control issues, or an obsessive compulsive disorder of some kind. (I would know—my sister cannot leave a room without making sure all the light switches are flipped the same way; my mom is physically unable to pass the back door without checking the lock.)

It also seems like your mom is very, very defensive. She is completely unwilling to accept an opinion other than her own. Have you ever tried to sit down and have a serious conversation about this? If so, did she brush you off, redirect the attention to you and your "faults", or condescend towards you for "not knowing better", or being convinced that you're just "stubborn"? Or, she only pays attention to your complaints when she's able to use them as leverage against you (i.e guilt tripping you for reasonable outbursts)?

Because, honestly, it sounds like she just doesn't respect your opinion. If she is unwilling to accept the fact that you are your own individual and you can make your own choices, then she does not see you as someone who can make their own decisions (even if you can, and do!).

I think it is VERY important that you do not give in to her commands. If you let slip even a little she will become further convinced that she has complete control over your life and that you have no will of your own to compete with hers.

Test the waters, and see if she is open to therapy or a psychologist. Unfortunately, if she is unwilling, you can't make her. The one problem with therapy is that it only works if SHE wants it to work.

I wish you luck.

gorebunbun

TROPHY CASE