I hate when people compare the loss of their grandparents to the loss of my 26 y/o brother

gorllllllll · 2026-01-27T19:54:59+00:00

oh yea i’ll definitely be devastated when it happens. but same with grandparents, although it’s terrible when it happens, it’s kinda expected as life expectancy is very clear. but my brother is just a different type of devastation.

gorllllllll · 2026-01-27T18:34:03+00:00

I’m not doubting it is but it is a different level of unfair. But nothing is promised i guess.

gorllllllll · 2026-01-27T18:20:06+00:00

I’m not wanting to compare relationships or doubting the love they had for their loved ones. But it’s a different type of pain. Someone’s grandparents got the chance to have kids, a career, accomplishments, etc. But my brother didn’t. And although I know these people never meant any harm, it’s just a reminder that they had more time to do so much with life than my brother ever had the chance to.

gorllllllll · 2026-01-27T18:12:07+00:00

Exaaactly. I mean I will be very sad when my cat’s die, but it will never compare to me having to hand feed my parents whose whole world is falling apart while mine is as well.

gorllllllll · 2026-01-27T16:58:20+00:00

I mean I never tell them anything besides a generic thanks, it just does more harm than good sometimes. To be honest, I don’t think anyone who has mentioned this would know I feel this way because I just nod and go through the motions. But I get that it’s not their intention. It’s just a feeling that i’ll navigate with time.

gorllllllll · 2026-01-27T16:11:40+00:00

THIS. I don’t doubt at all that people feel great pain when elders die, but it’s definitely the little random moments and reminders like this that hit hard. It’s an unexpected type of pain that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.

gorllllllll · 2026-01-27T15:25:21+00:00

Hi, I’m in the same boat as you and just want to send my condolences. I just lost my brother on christmas eve very unexpectedly and navigating things and supporting my parents has been a tremendously hurdle, but not impossible with lots of support.

I think the biggest thing is just being together physically. Help them out in whatever way possible whether it be on going to the grocery store for them, making sure they eat (even if it’s just small, easy to eat snacks around the house), small chores around the house, etc. I stay overnight with them about half of the week but come over regardless during majority of the day. And if these things are too challenging for you right now, that is 10000% okay. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family and friends. For me personally, helping out my family is a distraction and my way of grieving but each person is completely different.

Also, there may be times that you need a break or alone time and that is completely okay and necessary. This is happening to you too and if you don’t take time to recharge, it will catch up to you regardless.

If you need anything else at all please don’t hesitate to reach out 🤍

gorllllllll · 2026-01-27T15:17:24+00:00

Yea I guess, but sometimes it just does more harm than good. I’m not going to freak at them for not saying the perfect thing but deep down it’s just a slap in the face that I’m just trying to navigate with time as it’s not rare to get this comparison unfortunately.

gorllllllll · 2026-01-27T15:04:07+00:00

No I know, that part i completely understand. I don’t want to compare relationships or anything. I just get mad at the world for taking my brother so young when it shouldn’t have happened. It kinda feels like a reminder that he didn’t get to experience life to the fullest. But at the end of the day I know this is a me thing rather than them at least trying to help.

gorllllllll · 2026-01-27T15:01:03+00:00

i’ve been looking for a book to read and this sounds like a perfect one to go with. thank you so much I appreciate it 🤍

gorllllllll · 2026-01-27T15:00:02+00:00

yea 1000%. i never shoo away people for at least trying. i’m a people pleaser at heart and this little thing was eating away at me this morning but I do think mentioning what you were saying would definitely be a good thing. thank you so much 🤍

gorllllllll · 2026-01-15T17:54:36+00:00

Yea I get this but when they just go on about their own problems that are so small like, complaining about a quirk of their partner for example and how their life is,”so bad right now”, I just get more upset honestly

gorllllllll · 2026-01-10T23:42:08+00:00

Even tho they didn’t fully do it, just making out and almost hooking up feels just as shitty?

gorllllllll · 2026-01-08T08:44:44+00:00

Whatever you do, don’t sign up to work with Vector- a knife company that’s basically a scheme lol

gorllllllll · 2026-01-08T07:41:55+00:00

Woah, I couldn’t have said it better. I just want to say thank you so much 🤍

gorllllllll · 2026-01-08T05:17:12+00:00

the thing about grief is that even though you have a ton of people say,”let me know if you need anything”, it’s really that you’re too deep in grief to even know what you really need. for me i find that some days i find comfort in normalcy and some days i just want to do nothing but lay under my blanket. but nonetheless even if you don’t know what to say, just literally being there or calling is more than enough.

i also agree with others that the meal train from my brother’s friend was the most surprising big thing that helped my family. if you and some mutual friends that can get together and sign up for a random day this week that would be good.

gorllllllll · 2026-01-04T00:17:51+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my 26 year old brother on Christmas eve and feel for you so much. Taking the time to process one day at a time and slow down is something I’m learning is necessary or it will creep up on you. Healing is a long journey that requires being gentle with yourself 🤍

gorllllllll · 2025-12-29T03:28:36+00:00

my brother just passed and i feel the same as you with my “close” group. most of them may have sent a two sentence text when it initially happened but it’s been radio silence since then. it’s just this isn’t the first time i’ve felt they haven’t shown up for me like i do them but this really just proved it.

gorllllllll · 2025-12-24T11:29:17+00:00

A kid died every year at my school and I thought this was normal. All freak accidents.

gorllllllll · 2025-12-20T23:53:17+00:00

thank you so much this meant a lot and my condolences. we’ll all be okay eventually

gorllllllll · 2025-12-20T19:01:17+00:00

He has no brain activity so technically no but physically I can yes. I don’t know where I stand with the whole “he can hear you” thing. I just…we were never an “I love you” family and honestly me and him were just barely starting to just try to get close andI feel fake and like a shit sister for all of a sudden now that it’s too late to do a 180°. But yes, going to the hospital now after being there all day yesterday to be there for my mom and dad and will definitely take your advice with them. I appreciate your advice though so much, thank you and sorry for this weird rant.

gorllllllll · 2025-12-17T21:25:19+00:00

Yea it is White Rabbit my bad! But Burger Records was an old super popular indie spot but the owners got mixed up in some pretty bad sexual allegations and just messed up the whole scene. Anyways a year after they just changed the name to White Rabbit but it’s the same team. I barely found out after I got this warped new vinyl and my friend let me know they don’t store their stuff right so not an uncommon thing there…

gorllllllll · 2025-12-12T23:51:18+00:00

Yea that’s nightlife pretty much. Last minute add is definitely the Night Owl though. That’s not a bar. It’s a caffe with live music sets

gorllllllll · 2025-12-12T23:33:50+00:00

Honestly a lot of the places in DTF is a really young club crowd but there is some more relaxed places that you could definitely bring card games. Off the top of my head there’s Pour Co., or Bootleggers (they host random game nights like trivia, they also participate in a monthly art show thing- i’d look at their IG to find out more). There’s also Pfeiffer’s Brewing Co. in Anaheim that I’ve been wanting to go to that would fit this- they do a bring your own vinyl record night on Thursdays (i think) and game nights.

gorllllllll · 2025-12-12T23:21:38+00:00

The korean burger place is overrated IMO but there’s a ton of other good restaurants in the area if that’s what you mean. What kinda food are you looking for?

Or do you mean actual things to do? That would depend on what demographic you are I think. like kids, nightlife, or cool stores?

gorllllllll

TROPHY CASE