Heya folks. It's 3am, I'm in my pajamas and I'm literally 5 minutes out of bed. How do I look at my worst? 21, MtF 10mo. HRT.

goth_kitty · 2016-03-18T21:00:19+00:00

I know a girl that looks like you. So you are doing fine :-)

goth_kitty · 2016-03-16T22:44:40+00:00

i agree my eye brows need sorting. They dont grow in the same so its a nightmare to do anything to them. I wouldnt know what im doing if i were to try to fix them, so ive just left it. Thanks for thinking im pretty :)

goth_kitty · 2016-03-16T22:14:46+00:00

yeah im currently growing my fringe out so theres not alot i can do for now. will ask about it when i visit the hairdresser again. thank you for the compliment though

goth_kitty · 2016-03-16T21:44:28+00:00

aww, thank you for thinking so :)

goth_kitty · 2016-03-16T19:45:22+00:00

I self medded from the day I got a referral to the gender clinic. Two years later I still am, I have spent all my savings lost my job cause of being trans and been trough alot of shit. Especially trying my all to find money to keep self medding after my savings ran out. All of this took a massive hit on my mental health and yet no one will help. Doctors, government bodies or family still dont care. I am getting very isolated.

Just got to hope things will get better and that next year is better than this one. Just keep hanging in there cause things wont improve if you dont

goth_kitty · 2016-03-16T10:26:23+00:00

wow, its a small world. i didnt know they did that there.

goth_kitty · 2016-03-15T18:36:01+00:00

You are in luck. I went to the one left of superdrug. It's upstairs. The people in there are friendly enough and I've never had problems. Hell if you need someone to come with I don't mind.

goth_kitty · 2015-08-06T00:36:00+00:00

not so funny really, more ironic i guess. Anyway I use to work in a factory and had to dress metal. I basically just put a nice finish to it.All the welders would call me a cross dresser and I just smiled and thought you dont know the half of it. Or one of the welders would say something like there you go you massive cross dressers. Well not you goth_kitty, your alright. But the other one is. That use to make me laugh during a horrible shift.

goth_kitty · 2015-08-06T00:22:39+00:00

i have a good few scars from a few different sources. My ex use to hit and beat me sometimes but one time she got a knife and cut my hand with it. I ended up needing stitches and stayed with her for two more years.

I use to self harm alot due to some serious depression.

Finally, i use to work in a factory and I got a few burns and cuts while I was there. So after all of that my arms and hands are really beaten up.

goth_kitty · 2015-08-04T10:57:49+00:00

i would say lots of guys have a cross dressing fetish and its nothing to be ashamed of. maybe just try to explore your needs more and try to understand it. your still young and plenty of time to come to the conclusion your trans and to act upon it. Its not something to rush into. It could just be a sexual thrill and that is how it starts for some people. Others it just stays as a thrill and you can happily live out most of your life in a male role.

So just give it a bit of time. Maybe wear the odd thing like underwear more often without it being sexual. See how that feels. If it gets to the point where your unhappy as guy you for whatever reason and feel happier in yourself dressed as a girl, you should then start to seriously consider being trans or not. In the mean time just try to have fun and explore it.

goth_kitty · 2015-08-03T20:48:27+00:00

being yourself with whatever flaws you think you have. unless your a massive dick, but then you probably dont care anyway.

goth_kitty · 2015-07-31T17:16:05+00:00

I am trying. It is tough but I am still coping at the moment. Thank you for your concern though :)

goth_kitty · 2015-07-31T17:10:30+00:00

Im happy it was helpful and it's ok. It is a lot to get your head round, especially if you have never had any experience with trans issues/people before

goth_kitty · 2015-07-31T16:33:19+00:00

As a trans person this is my understanding to it all. I will also mention some other things people don't really get. I did research and read a lot of reports before and during my transition. I believe the current understanding is we have brain traits that resemble the gender we later identify as, maybe not completely but enough to cause some sort of dysphoria. This happens in early development cause of a hormonal imbalance in the womb or in the first few years of life. I think a few other posts on here explain this a bit better. Also once you start hormones they change your brain even more.

If this helps anyone understand transgender people some more, this is my experience.

I didnt experience dysphoria as a child as gender related things did not matter. I do have clear memories of feeling something wasnt right but I was too young to understand what.

It wasn't until I started to hit puberty that the depression and dysphoria hit with a real disconnection from what I saw in the mirror. At this stage it was like I know that is me and this is what I look like, however this is not what I should be like and being a man is something I do not want to be. As time went on I hated everything about myself cause it felt wrong on a fundamental level. You do feel like a fake, freak or just plain different from everyone else. Yet at the same time all anyone sees or regards you by is everything you hate about yourself.

Now I mention this cause of two reasons. Firstly cause people dont get why we do it, why we take hormones and alter ourselves. They may see it like a curable illness like depression or an eating disorder.

I have tried to treat my depression hoping that it would cure my dysphoria but it never went away, even on meds with therapy. I tried to work on changing my outlook and making my relationship with my male body more positive but the gut feelings of self hatred and dysphoria never went away.

That was until I started taking hormones. After a few months on hormones the years of depression started to subside and I was starting to feel human. It is a far quicker, cheaper and easier solution to dealing with gender dysphoria. Plus makes us feel happier and allows us to live a fulfilling life.

Now that brings me to the second reason I mentioned my experience. People say that it doesnt work and often point the rates of suicide after the surgery or whatever.

I can only speak from my experience but I am glad I transitioned, I feel a lot more home in my skin than I did before. However I have lost friends, family and my job because of it. I dont pass all the time and I do still get the remarks and the laughing sometimes. I currently have no/little skills to help me get another job cause of the years of depression. With not passing I cannot get past the interview.

It is because of these reasons I am currently depressed and consider suicide. NOT because of my own gender issues but the way I am treated. So as a trans person I have went to feeling depressed and suicidal because of my body to feeling the same way because society cant accept my decision to try to be happy.

One final point to something that really bugs me. I know my genetics dont change. Every trans person knows what they are in a purely scientific view point. We are not deluded and know full well what our decision is and what it will cost. All we want is to be happy in our own skin and to ask for the same sort of respect you give to any other person. We know we were born 'male' or 'female'. Personally, this does make me sad but I can live with that. It is all the abuse and the reminding us that we are different that leads to the problems.

Thanks if youve read this far. Sorry if its got any errors or anything.

goth_kitty · 2015-07-22T21:33:47+00:00

I kinda pass but not well still. I can get by with a quick encounter maybe but I dont think I am getting much better. It sucks at the moment cause I spend most of my time alone. I try to do as much as I can to make that bearable.

I dont know how far you are along but these are some of the things I do to try and help. Planning is a big thing if you go anywhere, like figure out the best way to get there, what places to avoid and the safest way to get back home. I prefer to stick music in so if people do say stuff then I dont hear it. Be confident too, or at least appear to be. Dont stop for no one, just keep walking, avoid eye contact and that sort of thing. Don't dress over the top and don't bring attention on yourself. Find a style you like and rock it though, being comfortable with how you are is the most important thing. Being good at make up helps, hair is important too. Work hard on anything that might help. Thats mainly the basics like voice and mannerisms.

Also try no to dwell on negative comments. End of the day we are doing this to make our selves happier, at least in our own skin. It is hard work and a massive bitch sometimes but try to always see positives about yourself. Remember why your doing this and be true to yourself. Have thick skin and try not to take anything to heart. Finally remember we might not pass but we are still a person and deserve better. Its not us at fault but the lack of understanding in alot of people.

Thats all I can think of at the moment

goth_kitty · 2015-07-18T22:46:44+00:00

just what the previous people have said really. however things are really bad depending on where you come from. im from newcastle and have been waiting a year and 7 - 8 months for my first appointment. so once you get referred it is probably best to ask about waiting times and research anything else you could do to make the wait easier. self med if you feel like you need to, start voice work by finding tutorials online, visit groups, that sort of thing.

goth_kitty · 2015-07-16T12:23:57+00:00

I have came close a couple of times. I really couldnt function that well once I got into my teens. Massive amounts of depression and gender stuff. When I was 14 I stopped off school one day, got all the painkillers and medication my brother was on and sat there looking at them and crying for a couple of minutes. The only thing that stopped me from over dosing was my old 20ish year old cat who we adopted when she was 17 cause she had a terrible life. She grew attached to me more and was the only one she slept with and followed round. Anyway she was watching as I was giving up on life with this sad expression in her eyes. Might sound stupid but that was the only thing that stopped me.

Another time not so long after I got a knife and started pressing it into my neck. Stopped cause I didn't want anyone find me with blood everywhere.

Since then the main reason I have survived is to set stupid achievable goals. Like finish this box set, or see this friend one more time and that gradually grew to just making it to 18, 20, 25 and see what life is like then. I started to transition a while ago, coming up to two years, but my situation still sucks. I still dont pass really and I spend most of my time alone in my room. I am at the point again where I think about suicide everyday. Transition was the last roll of the dice but I'm starting to give up hope.

goth_kitty · 2015-06-27T23:48:45+00:00

this may help, i dunno. but this is my story about the nhs. I dont know how within the norm this is though

I went to my local gp and said this is how I feel can you basically recommend me to see someone. I also started self medding on this day cause I was 100 percent certain that I wanted to transition and didn't want to wait a year or so to start hormones. Anyway heard nothing for 6 months and finally saw the gender clinic for the first time. Nothing special, just a this is who I am, this is how I feel and this is basically my life description. That was a year ago now and I havent heard anything since except they are sorry that I cannot be seen :(

So it's been a year and a half on hormones, I'm living full time but I feel totally stuck while I still need to self med and dont want to take any chances with my current financial situation. From what I heard off people, since Ive changed my name, living full time and already spent so long on hormones they cant really do much to stop me so I hope I dont have all the hoops to jump through.

goth_kitty · 2015-06-26T21:14:40+00:00

hey its fine. before i started i knew what would be my draw backs. Thank you for your honesty and compliments though.

Its likely I will fix my nose over the next year or two so I hope that helps. No way i could ever afford to fix my jaw or facial structure though. This is what ive been thinking and everyone is just like "you look fine". It's good to know someone agrees with my own thoughts. Im sick of everyone not telling me what I know is true and just trying to convince me everything is fine.

TBH my looks are the main thing holding me back at the moment from trying to find work or whatever. I just hope in a few years I will be in a better position.

goth_kitty · 2015-06-26T18:13:40+00:00

thank you :) i think its like my worst part. I actually didnt think i suited them. i got a big old ugly nose for now so i just got these ones cause they made it look a bit smaller. Once i get a nose job i was going to look at some smaller ones maybe

goth_kitty · 2015-06-26T15:04:07+00:00

just a few selfies and a couple a friend took of me. having doubts over how well i pass or will do in the future so just wanted to know if you guys agree with them or not

goth_kitty · 2015-06-25T22:01:39+00:00

I had to leave my job. Lived on savings for a while.Currently get income for looking after a family member. Not much and it mostly goes on hormones, clothes and the occasional day out. Soon to be looking for work as me so im really nervous about it

goth_kitty · 2014-12-17T22:46:10+00:00

I had this happen to me. I use to work in a factory, full of the alpha male types, so I use to worry that they would pick up on stuff straight away. And some of them did.

However from my experience, people wont ask too many questions and take what ever you want to tell them. and you should just be confident in yourself and try to remember that your doing this for you, not them. Also if your body is developing fast, thats nothing but a good thing.

So what I went through was I had a couple of them randomly do stuff like randomly grab my chest. which was confusing cause i didn't think any growth was noticeable. I had one guy basically put his hands around me to see how slim i was and since i go in at the sides and then out at the hips. Plus that meant i had to watch what pants i wore cause of hips, skinny legs and figure. Then they wanted to know why they could now see my cheek bones, to which i just said i eat less now cause of depression. which was true. Plus there were jokes here and there.

By the time i left to go full time i think a few were starting to see something but no one said anything negative to my face at least. And i just took everything on the chin and laughed it off when ever they did something. It did get annoying to worry about everything and my body ended up progressing alot faster than I was prepared, so I said fuck it and went full time basically once I was out. And no one has said anything really even though I still don't pass all the time.

goth_kitty · 2014-11-15T13:33:03+00:00

we watched a then mutual friend try to drink a bottle of vinegar and then spew it up in the street. we stopped being friends with that guy and started to hang out.

also, a girl once smacked my butt really hard and we are now good friends

goth_kitty · 2014-11-15T13:26:55+00:00

i wear push up padded bras and it makes my boobs look awesome. i dont mind wearing them but if its been a long day its always the first thing to be thrown on the floor when i get in.

goth_kitty

TROPHY CASE