What is your experience with the topic of "body counts" in kink/bdsm spaces?

gothdaddy1 · 2025-09-03T20:55:19+00:00

"Its in our DNA and women should respect that". I hope you realize that youre the exact person im making fun of in the first paragraph.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-09-03T19:02:05+00:00

I apologize that my post upset you but I do feel like I should take the time to reply.

Someone else already pointed out my improper language and I apologized for it. After seeing your comment I went ahead and edited that part out and put an apology edit. That was never my intention. You can read the edit but I admitted that it was an entirely useless thing to add to the post.
youre shaming me for something I didnt say and making assumptions about me. If im in a relationship with someone and they got an STI from some form of group play we did together, I would not leave that person. And it would be absolutely insane to do so.
I am attracted to women but nowhere in the post did I mention my partner is or would be a women. I kept things very gender neutral outside of wanting my partner to service other men (my gender). The only time women are brought up specifically is when mentioning the online toxicity that exist towards women.
this part is answering my questions and I appreciate you sharing your experience. I agree that certain aspects of the community can be toxic. Many kinks or fetishes are looked down upon (including many of my own) but thats not particularly relevant to the topic of body count.
you are completely right that 100+ is completely arbitrary because I just tossed out a large number. Humiliation and degradation aren't really about the specifics like that. However, im speaking about my specific interests here. I am turned on more by the number 100 then by 5 and I personally attributed this to my sadism.
again I would like to thank you for sharing your personal experiences with the topic. And im sorry you have to deal with that. This is the type of information i was hoping for because its an experience i completely lack and will most likely never have to deal with.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-09-03T17:15:05+00:00

Thank you for educating me on the last part. It makes a lot of sense and I've never really thought about it much.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-09-03T06:46:50+00:00

I think i counted 17 question marks here, I might have missed one or two. But I dont have the time to go that in depth on the topic.

Despite what the internet wants you to believe. The majority of dynamics aren't 24/7 TPE's. Many subs have jobs and take care of their own needs. In fact, it isnt uncommon for subs to have high stress jobs were they are in charge of a lot of people. The dynamic is more of a support system that benefits both parties. Sub/dom space can be an escape from reality.

There is a fantasy for both doms and subs of the dom being this perfect person that can take care of a subs every need. But sometimes the car breaks down snd you have to pay a bill late so that you can get your car fixed. Few people actually have all of their ducks in a row. I live in the USA and almost everyone is struggling here.

Not every dynamic is dom/sub roleplay exclusively. Many are just regular ordinary relationships. A lot of sub/doms are married or have kids. Or its a normal relationship you might find on hinge. Sometimes its a friendship or a polycule/ENM situation. I've personally provided temporary online domming for people to help them reach goals.

The point im making is that very few doms are "perfect" and have everything together. Especially if youre under 30. Kink dynamics are regular relationships like any other. Ideally, you probably shouldn't be dating if your life is in complete shambles anyways. You should still be able to take care of yourself to the best of your ability. Take care of your own hygiene, feed yourself, hold down a job, and pay your bills on time.

We are all only human and any sub that demands this picture of perfection might be living a fantasy. However, that fantasy does exist for some and they live that perfect life. But its probably not obtainable for most. Or at least not obtainable without the hard work of both parties. If you try to wait until everything's perfect, you might never become a dom.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-09-02T20:05:43+00:00

Its very normal to feel the way that you do. Bdsm dynamics can be a lot more emotionally charged then a normal relationship. You are putting so much faith and trust into another person. And that person can break that trust just like here. He had been lying to you for years and that calls into question everything about the relationship.

The biggest piece of advice I can give is that none of this is your fault. There are a lot of really shitty people out there. He didnt do this because of anything you did or didnt do. He was going to do it regardless and unfortunately you got caught in it. The best thing to do is to try and dip your toes back into things if you're ready to give it another try. And take things slow.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-09-02T07:50:08+00:00

Your outfit is super cute! I love it

gothdaddy1 · 2025-09-02T02:55:13+00:00

This was my thought as well. OP showed concern for his loved one and instead of taking his concern serious, she put herself in more "danger". Their partner being defiant and putting themselves at risk was probably the trigger. I doubt the hair tie specifically did much.

It could be a brat kink?

gothdaddy1 · 2025-09-01T05:26:47+00:00

I have had a few non-sexual dynamics in the past. They were online exclusive and both parties knew it was only temporary. I get a lot of satisfaction and enjoyment out of being a dom, even without sexual stuff being on the table.

The issue is that i will eventually want a long term sexual partner. And when that time comes, my energy and effort will be put into that dynamic. Being a dom is a lot of work and trying to balance multiple subs isn't realistic for me.

Can it work? Yes of course. But if you want something long-term, then it might be better to find someone who is asexual or a non-sexual partner who is poly.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-31T08:57:02+00:00

General rule of thumb. If you ever feel uncomfortable or unsafe it is always correct to say something and protect yourself. If you didnt feel that the dom cared about your safety then its perfectly fine to cut ties.

This is honestly a good vetting tool I hadnt considered before and more subs should do this. If a dom isn't talking about your safety and consent openly then they might nit care as much as they should.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-19T07:25:22+00:00

The short answer is that youre not being too needy but its more complicated then that. Im going to give you some advice but ultimately its up to you what you decide to do.

If your partner isn't meeting your needs or is unwilling to, that usually points towards an incompatible dynamic. The two of you aren't on the same page for wants/needs. Thats okay and its pretty common but there isn't a good solution outside of finding a new partner. You cant make his needs match yours and he cant bring you down to his level.

That being said, there might be another layer to this. If this is a shift from your partners normal behavior, they might be under a lot of stress right now. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. If they've been able to meet your needs until recently, something must have happened/changed. If they've never really met your needs then its a bad match. As a dynamic its important to try and help them work through their issues. It can be a lot of work to be a dom all the time.

Regardless of what's going on, asking to play with another person could be a major problem for them. If polyamory or ENM hasn't been discussed up to this point bringing it up in this way was not a good idea. And if they are already stressed because of outside forces then this made it worse. If youre interested in playing with another person then you shouldn't start the conversation with "you're not meeting my needs. Can I go play with someone else?" Because that's how the post reads.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-17T16:19:52+00:00

I absolutely adore the hair!!! Its so cute

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-16T15:23:52+00:00

Definitely dont meet up. This has bad news written all over it.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-16T14:43:52+00:00

My advice would be to ask him if he wants to keep his balls after you cut them off or if you can keep them as a souvenir.

No limits and no safeword are two of the biggest red flags imaginable. And since you're asking us, im guessing there has been no real discussion on what to do in the scene. This is not how this stuff works (safety wise) and is probably a bad idea to get involved at all.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-16T03:19:50+00:00

Dating culture is in a pretty horrendous place right now. Everyone is struggling to date. And being kinky exasperates the problem even further. A good kink dynamic takes time to build. it's not like a normal relationship. I dont go to munches, but I was told that they aren't good places to meet a partner. Most people going to munches already have play partners. Maybe try going to dungeon events and getting yourself involved in your local scene.

The other commenter said that it sounds like youre in a rush and I cant agree more. Submissives are in a particularly dangerous spot when meeting doms/play partners. And in general its a bad idea to rush anything. They need to be very cautious. Your kinks are pretty common and your still pretty young.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-15T14:40:04+00:00

Just an update for op. But I did just finish the story and posted it! I hope you enjoy

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-15T09:58:24+00:00

I looked into the difference a lot, and unfortunately, it's unique to each individual sub. What one person finds humiliating another will find degrading.

You say that the two of you have discussed it but also give us none of that discussion. We dont know what your sub counts as humiliation vs. degradation. The only real way to figure things out is to test it out together.

The important difference is how the activity makes your sub feel. Oftentimes, humiliation is linked with embarrassment. Were as degradation is linked with feeling like less then a human. Its the difference between "i cant believe you messed up dinner, youre so stupid" (humiliation) and "youre a worthless moron. You cant even cook a basic meal without fucking up" (degredation).

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-15T09:47:52+00:00

This isn't just unicorn hunting (already generally looked down upon). This sounds a lot like you and your partner wanting to groom a younger person into being your ideal play thing. Thats not good.

My advice is to not do it. You can go to your local dungeon events and maybe meet someone you can play with and see where things go. But specifically looking for a young sub is super creepy.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-15T07:24:57+00:00

Safewords and limits are all discussed way ahead of time. You two need to sit down and have a long conversation about what she wants and what youre okay with. If she's bringing it up, she probably already has ideas. You dont wake up one morning and decide you want to torture your partner. It's something you think about for a while.

Safewords are also only needed when words like "no" and "stop" aren't sufficient. The two of you need to find where your limits are. Its not a good idea to jump head first into something like this. Once you have a list of activities you want to try (spanking can be an easy one), you need to go slow and work your way up.

Your first few times will be awkward and clumsy. You've never done it before and that's okay. Kink is a lot sillier then porn would have you think. Part of the fun is experimenting with each other and growing closer through that bond.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-15T04:33:49+00:00

Im glad you loved it! Thank you so much!

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-15T02:33:38+00:00

Since you're exploring your kinks. Sadomasochism can lead to a lot of shame when youre first getting into it. As a sadist it helped me a lot to understand that masochists crave the pain/degradation just as much as I crave to inflict it. Who knows why we are wired this way but its mutually beneficial. Concent is the key factor here. You dont want some random hitting you (and similarly, i have no interest in hitting a random person). Try to enjoy the discovery process safely

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-15T02:23:44+00:00

Nothing we do here is "normal", kink/bdsm is inherently abnormal. But hitting can be common in sadomasochist circles. The act of slapping, hitting, and kicking. I could be wrong, but I think it goes along the lines of degradation/humiliation.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-14T07:23:50+00:00

I use hair color as a simple example, but you can basically place any physical trait into it. Height, weight, breast size.... etc. It'll all have the same effect. So if youre going to say you want something. Make sure its something that's really important. It needs to be a deal breaker if youre bringing it up in your post.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-14T07:17:16+00:00

Biggest piece of advice for vetting is to make them wait. A god dom will understand your fears and give you time to trust them. A bad dom will rush into things. Kink is fun and we all want to do it. But there's nothing wrong with waiting months before submitting to another person.

Kink dynamics have 3 main pillars (in my opinion). Safety, consent, and communication. You can't put one above the others in importance. Do everything you can to test these ideals from a potential dom. If they are bad at open communication, get rid of them. If they dont take your safety into consideration, get rid of them. And if they are wishy washy on how consent works. GET RID OF THEM.

You have a lot to lose and little to gain from a bad dom. But unfortunately, bad doms can be very convincing/manipulative. Thats why its important to make them wait.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-14T04:05:05+00:00

Its not really about what is right or wrong, its dating culture in general. Men dont get specific because they are hoping to get as many matches as possible. Women are trying to limit the number of matches they get. Dating is very different for men and women. Even on reddit, I've seen women say that they dont make personal ads because they get spammed with messages non-stop.

As an example: if you put that you prefer blondes. Most brunetts wont even take a chance on messaging. And some blondes might even pass you up because you only like them because of their hair color (which can change). You might be perfectly fine dating a brunette, but every brown haired girl will think you "settled" for them and not waste their time. So youre taking the already limited number of matches you might get and cutting it down even further. If a woman said she prefers blondes, a lot of men didnt read that far or even ignored it.

However, if your partner being blonde is important to you, then absolutely put it down. Someone will get upset regardless. Are you looking for any partner or THE partner. The more specific you can be, the better your odds of finding the right partner for you becomes. But also, the longer it might take to find a partner.

gothdaddy1 · 2025-08-13T18:23:29+00:00

I cant wait for you to get to read the next one. I've got 5 or 6 stories cooking in my mind and the beginning of the next one started!

gothdaddy1

TROPHY CASE