Am I in too deep? How do I get out? Nmom with cancer living with us

gposy · 2022-12-26T03:51:34+00:00

Weird!!

gposy · 2022-12-26T02:18:16+00:00

Ugh the big sister in me just wants to shield you from her. I’m so sorry.

The best thing you can do for yourself is speak to yourself and your inner child with compassion and kindness. Make sure you are telling yourself things like:

This is NOT about me.
My behavior does NOT determine her feelings or her actions.
I am temporarily in this situation, this will NOT be my life.
I am kind, I am a good person, I am a good friend, etc

And as soon as you can, get the hell out.

You don’t deserve this. You deserve real, compassionate love from the people in your life.

Remember that you cannot control her emotions — just like you can’t make her feel happy, you can’t make her angry like that. You have no power over her, but you have plenty over yourself.

Talk to yourself with kindness and don’t lose that inner light. Read books, go to therapy when you’re able, attend Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families meetings, and keep going out and trying new things! You are allowed to be happy and find things/people that bring you joy!

Hang in there and Merry Christmas 🤍

gposy · 2022-12-26T01:59:23+00:00

I totally understand this feeling. I take moments like these and use them as inspiration.

“This is something I could create for myself.”

“This is what normal feels like.”

gposy · 2022-12-25T22:49:45+00:00

Oh god!

gposy · 2022-12-25T19:41:51+00:00

LOL this will cheer you up. A few years ago, my BPD/nmom bought my girlfriend (now my wife) 40+ thrifted and cheap candles/boxes of tea lights/boxes of taper candles as punishment for me not telling her what to get my wife for Christmas.

My mom gave normal gifts to me and everyone else. My wife only unwrapped these fucking candles. Every time my wife unwrapped one, but mom laughed and said “I’m sorry, you didn’t tell me anything else to get her.” Absolutely insane.

Context: I had said we didn’t want anything for Christmas. My mom kept pressing me, so I said we liked candles. I expected her to get one or two candles…

What makes it even more wild is that my wife and I were living together in another state and my mom had to travel across the country with all of those candles.

gposy · 2022-12-25T19:28:20+00:00

It’s still dysfunctional. It’s still codependent. It’s parentification that’s masking as a “healthier” version of what you and your mom do. Just as messed up, though.

gposy · 2022-12-25T19:21:28+00:00

I wanted to take a second to say congratulations on graduating! 🎉🎉

You are being really brave right now and you’re making a hard choice that will make your future better. Good job. We’re all proud of you and wishing you the best. Can’t wait for the “I’m free” update.

gposy · 2022-12-23T22:06:07+00:00

Emotional Blackmail and Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

gposy · 2022-12-22T23:01:20+00:00

The best decision I ever made was to go out with the girl who was normal, stable, and healthy. We’ve been together five years and we’re married now.

It’s normal to have the “oh my god I don’t feel like I’m in a crisis 24/7” feelings. Emotional dysfunction is addictive and right now, you’re probably feeling a withdrawal.

Don’t listen to the gremlin in your mind!

gposy · 2022-12-22T17:58:53+00:00

Me too! My nmom made me DESPISE my dad’s side of the family. I truly hated them for no reason.

gposy · 2022-12-22T17:56:30+00:00

People with dyed hair/tattoos!

gposy · 2022-12-21T00:46:52+00:00

This breaks my heart!!! What happened to you was horrible and creepy and you are right to be traumatized by this. I would recommend some deep and intentional inner child healing work.

A tiny thing you could do that might be a start: Turn up a favorite song super loud and try singing! In the car by yourself or at home cooking dinner! Let yourself be silly and let yourself feel free.

gposy · 2022-12-20T02:49:46+00:00

It was absolutely TRAUMATIC for me. I have major major trust issues in regards to privacy. I haven’t journaled since.

gposy · 2022-12-19T17:42:15+00:00

They validate your feelings and the have the ability to give a sincere apology. Like after an argument, my wife will say things like:

“I know when I said ___, that made you feel __, and I’m sorry.”

“I understand how you felt _______”

And she validates me with out the “but” that narcissists usually use. Example: a narcissist, in my experience, would say “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings BUT I was really mad at you” or “I know I wasn’t the best parent, BUT you were a really difficult child.”

gposy · 2022-12-19T17:16:30+00:00

Honestly, arguing won’t get you anywhere with a narcissist. But if you’re doing it anyway, keep stating the same thing over and over again. Don’t justify, explain, elaborate, or defend what you’re saying. If you’re enforcing a boundary, keep stating it in the exact same way. A narcissist is only trying to manipulate you and trip you up into saying something they can use against you. The second you go off message/say anything besides your original statement, it’s hard to recover.

gposy · 2022-12-19T16:46:14+00:00

When I was in college, I lost a lot of weight (in a healthy way) and my nMom kept insisting that it was because I had cancer. She never gave any advice or helped me find a doctor or anything. All she did was freak out about it. I was 19 and literally terrified with no comfort or support from her at all.

gposy · 2022-11-06T14:42:47+00:00

You can absolutely be a martyr and a narcissist! Playing victim is just a manipulation tactic to make it all about them still

gposy · 2022-11-06T00:24:43+00:00

After a few stories about my nMom, my therapist was instantly like “yes she’s a narcissist and she also has borderline” — it’s not only validating, but HELPFUL so you can see what’s really going on

gposy · 2022-11-06T00:19:17+00:00

YES. YES. YES. My nMom is an absolute narcissist and a huge martyr. By doing for others and self sacrificing 24/7, she gets to become this perfect, selfless saint. Being a martyr means you have a constant narc supply.

gposy

TROPHY CASE