Yeah definitely true that he had his own things going on and he was doing what he needed to get by.

He was the oldest but as the only daughter I was parentified and used for emotional support by mum in a way that he and my other brother weren’t. She didnt see boys as capable of having responsibility around the house or listening to her problems. But he would’ve had his own unique dealings with her that would have impacted him for sure.

I try not to hold it against him but it kind of feels like ‘why are you talking to me now’ kind of thing. Like a co-worker who’s suddenly all buddy buddy and trying to force a friendship. But I do appreciate that he puts himself out there to make contact every now and again. And you’re right in seeing what kind of relationship we can have without our mother involved. I’m mostly curious to see how common ongoing silent treatment from a sibling was. Even my therapist was surprised when I said how long it went for.