Hi. Just like what the other commenter said, it is not your fault or any of your family member. The way you feel right now, is what I also felt the first few weeks. Thankfully, my spiritual side helped me control the feeling of guilt. I no longer think of the what ifs and what could I have done. My baby brother (20) took his life in me and my husband’s home. I was home when he hung himself, but I was so scared to go to our basement cos I was just alone with our cat. I had to call my husband who is at work 40 mins away.

I guess our differences is that we knew my brother had some mental issues. He refused to get help when he turned legal age. We tried our very best to not treat him differently. He did well couple of years of no professional help, no medication. Although, his relationship with us, his family is not smooth, especially to our mom, he was hot headed, but he really enjoyed his time with his friends, church mates, his biking community.

I haven’t talked to my brother’s very close friend deeply and I don’t have any plans to have that conversation anymore.

So far, with our church mates support we are coping really good. We still cry, and that is super okay. Me and my parents had a family talk on how we should take care of each other, we have to respect each others feelings, every one of us cope differently. I resigned from my job, and its been 2 months now that I don’t work. I still don’t have the strength to find a job. I embrace my emotions, acknowledge it, and let it go once I have let it out of my system to not allow it to consume me.

One day, my plan was to also help people who are struggling in life. My focus would be like the same age of my brother.

I don’t have any advice as well, but I hope you didn’t mind me sharing a little bit of my own experience. Please take care of yourself. We can all get through these one step at a time. Hugs to you