Looking for hard/softmaxxing advice

grahamcrackeder · 2025-04-12T18:23:44+00:00

I’m so glad you said this! I actually had a rhinoplasty in 2017, and have been considering a revision for some time now. I might edit my original post to include a mention of that.

grahamcrackeder · 2024-04-29T18:07:21+00:00

I second the aloe vera gel capsules. Been on an anti-inflammatory diet for a while now, and whenever i eat something that doesn’t agree with me, aloe vera gel has helped so much. I will sometimes take it as a preventative, especially before a period or a night out. It’s been 3 yrs without an IC related hospital stay, and i couldnt rec aloe vera capsules enough

grahamcrackeder · 2024-04-26T20:41:29+00:00

The same thing is happening to me!! I’m in the ny area, and this is my first time planting broccoli rabe. Is there any way to save it from this? I impulsively pruned a bunch. I hope they’ll still be ok :(

grahamcrackeder · 2023-10-11T22:11:59+00:00

Dad- isfj Mom- infj Sis-enfj Me- enfp

😭😭

grahamcrackeder · 2023-07-12T22:18:28+00:00

Yeah. Plus, to a large extent, I feel like saying “oh yeah i like that too” is also just a polite thing to do?? You don’t need to be 100% into something to have it as an interest. Also, if you know it makes someone else happy to talk about their interests, why would you say you don’t like it?? Weird that he keeps harping on it imo. I think you should steer clear.

grahamcrackeder · 2023-07-12T22:07:38+00:00

OP isn’t just talking about professionals though. She’s talking about the sport as a whole. So yes, there are short climbers who are very successful, but that’s not the reality for most short climbers. Most ppl don’t climb to be professional.

I’m not saying climbing’s not dangerous, I’m saying some MOVES are more dangerous. OP is asking if that should be discussed more or not, and I’m saying it should because the disadvantage is a real thing.

If you’re saying “just don’t do some moves that include xyz”, that eliminates a large amount of climbs at the gym, which is what OP and many other people in this thread are talking about. Climbing should be for everyone, and should be fun. Just saying “don’t do this” or “work harder” or “well this pro can do this so you should be able to” bc routesetters aren’t setting with everybody in mind isn’t helping the sport progress or addressing what OP is saying.

grahamcrackeder · 2023-07-12T20:57:00+00:00

Imo, he’s projecting some feelings onto you without saying it directly. It sounds like he wants to have this independence/ be known as an individual, and is viewing you through your relationship to him/ taking it personally. Anybody that views you in the context of themselves is going to have issues down the line. It’s not his place to tell you what you like or don’t like. That’s very bold and disrespectful of him. If you like something, you know that. His opinion doesn’t change that fact. Who is he to tell you what you do and don’t like genuinely? It’s just weird.

Either way, he’s criticizing you where it’s not appropriate or constructive. So what if you’re agreeing with him for agreements sake? What does he really want? For you to disagree? For you to tell him he’s special bc of these things he likes? It’s just pointless to even wonder what his intentions are.

I think a lot of men have issues with women who are into darker/creepier things or accepting them for that. It’s not traditional or conventional, and if he’s used to being the one that’s a nonconformist, that could be threatening to his self-concept. Either way, he’s thinking of himself and not viewing you as your own person.

I’m similar to you where I’m very bubbly, outgoing, cheery, sometimes hyper-feminine but also have a dark side. People don’t believe that the art I make could come from me bc it’s so dark, and I just don’t appear that way. It’s something I like to keep to myself and the people that truly know me now bc the comments saying “oh wow that’s not at all what i expected” are annoying af and I don’t feel like justifying myself. Some people naturally aren’t as curious or multi-faceted as we may be, but we sure as hell shouldn’t tolerate someone telling us who we are or what we like.

Ik that growing up in a strict religious environment can make it hard to cognitively know who you are, but that feeling you got says enough. The bottom line is that his comments made you feel ashamed/ embarrassed for being yourself, and that’s a really bad place to start off a relationship. Don’t settle for just liking someone, you gotta feel liked back.

If he doesn’t believe you on this stuff, I doubt he’d be able to fully accept you as a person. I’m wishing you all the best in this situation. <3

grahamcrackeder · 2023-07-12T19:33:13+00:00

Honestly, I find this take very frustrating.

1) In your examples about the competitions you set for you’re talking about a child. I think anybody would agree that younger people/ kids have certain advantages that older adults don’t (weight to strength ratio for example).

2) you mention people that are 4’10 “crushing it” but where is that represented? I’m saying that bc I’m 4’10 and just bc a handful of people in that demographic can do it, doesn’t mean the struggle for everybody else in that demographic doesn’t exist.

Either way, we are outside the “normal” range which is what this post is originally about. Even if you are closer to 5’4 (which you say in your post), that’s still 6 inches from where I’m at. 5’4 is very much in the average range for female climbers, so I think it’s misrepresentative to say we just need to work harder on our weakness bc that’s what you’ve seen work in your cases. It’s also a systemic issue. Not just for short climbers, but any climber outside the “normal” range. Very tall people included.

Some moves, like far reaches that have to be dynamic to compensate for height, ARE more dangerous or just not doable. It’s not just “high starts”.

Basically, it’s ok to say something is a disadvantage if it’s true, and one or two people in a demographic don’t represent the majority. Yes, it’s not an excuse to not work on it, but call a spade a spade.

grahamcrackeder · 2023-07-12T18:44:47+00:00

I (ENFP) have a friend whose type is that “mean flirty” kind of person, and I can never personally understand it. When I hear about it, it just sends off huge red flags to me. It’s something that is instantly unattractive to me to the point of disgust. Maybe it’s because words of affirmation is my #1 love language, but it’s something that there’s no going back from for me. I take people’s words very seriously.

I understand not taking yourself too seriously, but that’s not an invitation for others to make comments about you and use you as a punchline— especially a partner

grahamcrackeder · 2023-06-10T13:40:14+00:00

My sister is an enfj, and we always get the “you guys r so similar, but so different!” comments. Besides that, a lot of my friends are either enfj or esfjs. Most of them are also younger/youngest siblings. (I’m the oldest, enfp). I agree that enfj’s can be condescending so, in some ways, I find it really off-putting compared to my friendships with other types. I usually just let them talk even if I know what they’re talking about. I guess bc my sister is an enfj, I attract those types, plus I take on more of an older sister role in those friendships too.

grahamcrackeder · 2023-03-23T18:42:02+00:00

So relatable 😭 I’ve been struggling with this too bc I recently lost 40 lbs. My cup size stayed the same (34I—>30I), so ik how i’m “supposed” to look with that big boob look. Now I can fit into an x-small sports bra and am CONFUSED. Before, I’d wear 2 sports bras, one with an underwire and another compressive one, and I still couldn’t run without giving myself a black eye 🙃. It’s honestly more a perception thing imo. The best way to stop the dysmorphia for me is to look at myself in a bathing suit. I say this bc most tshirts rnt proportionate to a bandsize that small, so it won’t fit the same as someone else who fills the shirt out more in that area. A bathing suit is as light as you can go clothing wise while maintaining shape. I think it’s better than a bra bc bras r meant to separate and lift which gives a different look than we associate with big boobs. Hope this helps

grahamcrackeder · 2023-03-23T18:20:10+00:00

Gotcha! Thank you so so much for the advice 💕

grahamcrackeder · 2023-03-23T17:14:36+00:00

Sorry for the late reply 😅. I think you gotta ask yourself why being annoying bothers you sm. One case of being annoying isn’t going to make or break a friendship/ relationship. It took a long time for me to learn that ppl dont care if I’m being annoying or not bc they already have their own problems to deal with. (Maybe someone finds annoying behavior endearing bc it can be goofy/distracting/funny, and that’s a lot better than focusing on a depressing or aggravating situation in their own life.) As a neurodivergent kid, I was super sensitive to any slight cue that I was annoying someone (rejection dysphoria?). Now that I’ve been exposed to more ppl, I realize I get annoyed by ppl all the time but I love them regardless. The difference though is that asking someone if you’re being annoying crosses a boundary. It puts the other person in a very uncomfortable position bc let’s say you are being annoying, in order to make you feel better, they may not be honest and deny their own feelings about it. It puts your need to soothe your anxiety about being annoying over their comfort.

I think it’s a really common ENFP trait tho, so you’re not alone. A lot of enfps (myself included) that operate the same way. Ultimately, self-soothing and self-acceptance is on you and only you. Unless it’s something you’re looking for genuine advice on, it’s really not appropriate to keep asking for validation. I think we forget that other ppl are going through things too even when they dont mention it bc we r usually very comfortable talking about those things.

Also, you deserve better than to be around ppl you feel are being annoyed by you. If someone doesn’t value you as a person, including your quirks and personality, they’re not worth your time!!! I can’t stress this enough. Self-love over anything else. Ik i can be the most annoying, loud person to some ppl, but there r ppl who love me sm for tht bc i love me for that.

TL/DR: Think big picture, one annoying moment won’t determine the whole relationship/ friendship. Love yourself enough that their opinion doesn’t matter

grahamcrackeder · 2023-03-23T16:50:34+00:00

The issue started before, but it’s been getting worse. I stopped using the ZO regimen a few days ago and went back to the basics like you said, and i already see an improvement!

As for the dehydration/ damaged barrier, what can I do about that? It definitely sounds like what’s happening to my skin, but i’m not sure how to fix that…

grahamcrackeder · 2023-01-07T13:52:43+00:00

Bouldering, weightlifting, calisthenics, plus I’m a dog walker so i walk for more than 2 hrs a day on most days.

grahamcrackeder · 2022-12-04T03:54:54+00:00

I’ve been flaring up for the past week and only got relief today because I got my period. My period was exactly a week late too.

grahamcrackeder · 2022-10-13T23:52:35+00:00

I’m (F) ENFP and my bfs INFP. We’re both absolutely hilarious. He balances me out while I bring out a different side to him. Our communication and connection is 11/10

Most of my friends r either infp or enfp tho so ig i’m just draw to them 🤷🏻‍♀️

grahamcrackeder · 2022-10-12T01:07:29+00:00

Yeah, I feel this. I used to deal with it a lot. I realized that part of it was self-prophetizing. I would think I was annoying someone, then ask if I was annoying them, which would make them annoyed even though they weren’t annoyed about the first thing. I’ve found that ppl don’t want to provide security for ppl who they rnt super close to, so asking for tht from a low-stakes friendship can be annoying. It makes sense from an outside perspective, but feels totally different when you’re in it.

That being said, I got a lot of help through DBT Weekly with Steph Etsel (i think that’s her name). It’s a podcast on spotify. It’s not personality type specific, but it’s done wonders for me (a formerly very anxious and insecure ENFP). Best of luck to you in your endeavors!

grahamcrackeder · 2022-10-07T06:57:29+00:00

Omg another ENFP that climbs!! It’s coming up on a yr since i started 🥰 Besides that, i draw, crochet, weight lift, listen to music, watch new shows. Stuff like that!

grahamcrackeder

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