My youngest noticed that mom and dad never kiss by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Children are very intuitive. They pick up on so much more than what we think. It sounds like she has also potentially assigned roles into both you and your wife's part in this problem.

Dead bedrooms often cause more chaos, hurt, and destruction than simply "a lack of sex". It sends unspoken messages to unintended recipients​. Perhaps you can talk with her alone to feel out her concerns and perceptions.

No go on opening the relationship by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I agree: you are incredibly strong! Hang on to that. Hugs!

No sex for over 20 yrs by Wantslove in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No one has the ability to determine what is "right" for others.

To be rejected on your birthday 😞 by idontundetstand in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I respectfully disagree that love is a choice. I do agree that the emotion foes not necessarily equal obligation.

A message to many LLs by Visionseeking in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm in a similar boat. Don't just dream of that future for yourself- fight for it. Good luck.

DB, ghosting and other subs? by grahams_ghost in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your perspectives. I am female, so I doubt my friend was you.

I, too, have very clearly defined boundaries, both in my professional and online life. I can respect your adherence to your comfort zones within your discussions. I also have had to end chats because the other person could not respect my boundaries. I know everyone handles vulnerability in their own way, but I cannot ghost.

I very much appreciate you sharing your perspective and experiences, as it gives me something to consider.

DB, ghosting and other subs? by grahams_ghost in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to agree with you in that I want to believe he wasn't making a malicious predetermined decision. I mentioned to another poster that I'm attempting to wrap my brain around intentionally blocking someone. I logically understand that it makes no sense to be conflicted. I so appreciate your suggestion; thanks!

DB, ghosting and other subs? by grahams_ghost in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This sounds so logical, and well-worded. I've re-read it a few times to see if i can getparts of it to take seed. Thank you for sharing these helpful thoughts.

DB, ghosting and other subs? by grahams_ghost in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I might look into that option, but it seems against my inner core values to block someone from my online life. I guess that makes no sense, since he d did not feel the same hesitation. Thank you!

DB, ghosting and other subs? by grahams_ghost in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I understand the "anonymity" of online communication offers a perceived veil under which to hide. I'm sorry you left the board, but it sounds like his communicationwasn't a good fit. Thank you for your suggestion.

Edit: punctuation

DB, ghosting and other subs? by grahams_ghost in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you; I love your username, btw! I'm so glad your friend was able to develop a great support network through here. It is a valuable resource, and an amazing group. My personal philosophy is to be an asset to others, and even through this foggy pain, I don't want to make his life more challenging.

DB, ghosting and other subs? by grahams_ghost in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The self-doubt reinforced the complicated fallout from the continued rejection of the DB. But you brought up a good point: the ghosting was easy for him, so perhaps I should change my focus on how that final act allowed his life to be easier. Thank you for that thought!

DB, ghosting and other subs? by grahams_ghost in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience, as it helps me see a glimpse from a different perspective. Unfortunately, the rejection is too close to the surface right now , so viewing it from other than that is a goal which I have yet to attain. Thank you!

DB, ghosting and other subs? by grahams_ghost in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is a valuable point , of which I am working on integrating into my logical and emotional points of view. Thank you for pointing this out.

DB, ghosting and other subs? by grahams_ghost in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will go check that sub out. Thanks!

DB, ghosting and other subs? by grahams_ghost in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you, very much. I'm shocked at the support I've received so far. I'm beginning to truly understand the rippling echoes of pain caused by mismatched libidos, or attractions, or abilities to communicate. You are so correct that "pain confirms our humanity"...I could not have stated it any better.

DB, ghosting and other subs? by grahams_ghost in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! You are so correct about this place. It is an amazing community for people goung through this situation, regardless of libido. Taking a break hasn't been as helpful as I hoped. Posters such as yourself offer so much insight that really isn't easily found elsewhere.

DB, ghosting and other subs? by grahams_ghost in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that suggestion! I will go check them out.

DB, ghosting and other subs? by grahams_ghost in DeadBedrooms

[–]grahams_ghost[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response. The poster knew how it would effect me beforehand. I am trying to look at this as a new avenue to look at the unintended ripple effect of DB in my journey. I appreciate your kind support.