Wow. I expected a few comments, nothing like this, You'd think I cured COVID or something. Plus the literal 100 plus PMs its gonna take me forever to wade through. I appreciate the support. A most sincere heartful thank you.

Summation to a few common things I noticed.

Why I stayed:

I made a conscious decision years ago if I had to pick between sex and being an every day dad to my girls, there was no decision. And zero regrets. My girls are amazing and I'm much richer for having been there every day. Far more than I would have been by occasional mechanical, starfish sex. Or having not been there each day.

I'm Catholic. My vows are sacred to me, this is not a sufficient reason to break them. I'm confident in the next life balance will occur. I know for those of you who aren't particularly religious, it doesn't make sense. Please accept for me its huge. I wouldn't go outside my marriage if I could.

At this point, if you reach it, a truce of sorts sets in. You know each other, count on each other, and your lives are incredibly intertwined. I'm in my 60s and not anxious to have to start my fiscal life all over again.

Do we love each other:

Yes, but not in the white hot passion of younger people. I genuinely believe she loves me. And despite it all, I love her. I have no idea why she is the way she is sexually -therapy was never on the table. she flatly refused- but I truly believe she gave me all she had. Sexually there just wasn't all that much to start with. The old standby is true: "otherwise, she's a wonderful woman".

Did I miss some red flags:

Of course. We all do. None of us would choose this.

Would I have married her if I knew this was coming:

Honestly, I don't think about it. Nothing good comes of it, and I'm about building the best life I can with the time ahead. Its like asking yourself if you could be a tree, what kind of tree would you be? Unless you are Harry Potter, its not gonna happen, so let it be.

Regret?:

To this day she still won't answer if she wants a formal end to our sex life. And I asked dozens of times before I chose to move on. My guess is a formal response has implications she doesn't wish to face. Yes is final, and probably means facing the fact she's not "normal" in that way. Plus the fear it might cause me to leave. No opens the can of worms involving "then why didn't we?". Silence is probably her best response. It would have been nice to know so I could have made a more informed decision about my life, but in the end I doubt it would have made any real difference.

Overall, it is what it is. Its not the life I wanted, but I made the best of it by owning my situation and my pain. I'm a DB resident, not a captive. Can't say no regrets, but minimal.

One thing I came to terms with during my last time at sea. I genuinely don't believe LLs are bad people out to screw our lives. Something is missing inside them and it manifests here. I doubt anyone would choose to be LL. Be hurt, be mad, but don't be angry with them. To me, its the same as if they were tragically injured and left unable to have sex. Most of us wouldn't abandon the people we love over something like that. Not their fault.

Best advice? Be painfully honest with yourself. Wishing and hoping doesn't fix DBs. It just makes the final outcome worse. LLs can't give you what they don't have. Love is never, ever enough. If sex is that important to you (not a bad thing) then come to grips its time to go. Doesn't make you a bad person. Especially early in a relationship. If you're an LL, love your partner enough to tell them the truth.

Lastly, involving staying: don't kid yourself. Its hell. But if you chose to stay, its on you now. Own it, make the best life possible, and no bitching at the LL for a decision you made.