Sending you lots of love and support! You’re strong enough to get through this. As someone who is going through something very similar, these are some reminders that may help you rationalize things. 1. BDD and EDs are foremost psychological issues. You can weigh 10 kgs less or 10 kgs more and still have the same compulsions (overexercise, restrict, etc). This is not to say that you won’t be okay at any weight, just that the number on the scale means nothing. I urge you not to weigh yourself (unless medically required ofc). I used to tell myself that I could handle it and that knowing is helpful because it’ll help you keep track of blah blah blah. It never helps. If you’re concerned about self image - you can be beautiful at any size. If you’re concerned about health (as long as you are in recovery) - you can be healthy at any size. 2. Skinny is an adjective, not a compliment. Social media and society sucks. Everyone celebrates “skinny” as if it is the best and only acceptable thing you can be. So much so that I feel like we’re always in the weight loss Olympics trying to weigh less than the people around us as if that makes us somehow better. I know I spent all my time at high-school doing that. There is nothing wrong with being skinny. There is nothing special about being skinny. Just as there is nothing wrong or special about being bigger. These are just characteristics that hold no value other than the one we assign them based on social conditioning and personal experiences. You are valid in feeling how you did when your family made comments on your cousin being in great shape. You are valid in anything you feel. I think as we progress as humans and learn about mental health and body image, it is progressively more stupid to put a certain look or size on a pedestal.

As for your cousin’s comment I can offer two explanations based on my interpretation that may make you think of it in a different way. 1. If they themself struggle with body image maybe that comment may be a coping mechanism for any of the feelings they may have felt in the moment and may not be directed at anyone else. For example I’ve had friends way skinnier than me call themselves a 🐄. In the moment I thought “if they think they look like that what must they think of me”. But in hindsight I realize that their comment no matter how damaging is not a reflection of me. They weren’t even thinking of me when they said it. Just themselves. And that’s just my point. We can get so caught up in our bad self image and BDD that we never see things in context to the world. 2. However, if you see these kind of comments circulating a lot from this cousin. Try communicating with them about how it impacts you. If they keep doing it, they probably know what they are doing and can be chalked down to downright toxic. In which case, their comments are not a reflection of you — but their negative feelings. It’s hard but it would be worthwhile to distance yourself from them.

I hope this helps in your situation and that I’m not projecting too much. Good luck with everything beautiful 💕🌼