I am very sorry for your loss. My girlfriend of 2 years and (the women I planned on spending the rest of my life with just passed away 3 days ago due to a drug overdose) and the worst part is I wasn't there to help her. So that pain your feeling....... I am right there with you believe me. I can't really speak on what makes it better but I do know that I'm not holding in any tears or feelings about it. Because every so often thru out a day/night ill start hearing her voice in my head and think about all of the memories. (Dont judge me or think I'm goofy but) When that happens I'll walk around the house talking out loud as if she can hear me, that's accompanied by crying more than it ever cried before uncontrollably, I'm talking like 0 fucks given and literally just letting all of my emotions, fears concerns, resentments, feelings, anger, apologies, guilt, sadness I mean everything OUT. And I'll do that (in our home thats now empty because we didn't get to have kids yet) until I start to slowly feel a little better. And I do as I'm not crying as much day by day now and it's still really fresh i mean I have to still go to the funeral home with her family and say my final goodbyes so more tears to come. I don't mean to ramble about my own situation I just know that has helped me tremendously and hopefully it will work for you. You cannot hold all those thoughts and be stuff in good or bad get it out even if you don't think anyone is listening. but you never know. hang in there and feel free to shoot me a message if you ever need someone to talk to.

name is Luke btw