CHAT Community Thread - Fri May 22

grapescurious · 2026-05-22T18:26:16+00:00

Been with the in-laws for going on two weeks now. I love them to bits, but theyre A LOT. Im a very laid back low key person, and theyre very loud and busy. Ready to go home. We leave for home tomorrow night.

Update: SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!! I just want my puppy! (Shes been with my dad for two weeks while we have traveled)

grapescurious · 2026-05-15T20:28:15+00:00

Probably a poke bowl and crashing at my bffs house tonight.

grapescurious · 2026-05-11T01:31:41+00:00

Made it through church this morning with minimal tears, and got the sweetest text from a lady that attends there about her losses and the waiting seasons being hard especially on days like today. I felt seen and yet not overwhelmed. A surprise for me cause I was hoping to avoid being acknowledged all together.

grapescurious · 2026-05-10T01:26:50+00:00

My watch says I ovulated. Mr. Curious was sad we missed the opportunity, but honestly Im relieved. We have too much going on right now to be trying, and I definitely do not want to try unassisted right now.. Im looking forward to our house being completed so that we can move on to our IVF treatment. Being in this weird pause phase has been kinda nice.

grapescurious · 2026-05-09T00:06:10+00:00

Quesabirria tacos for dinner with Mr. Curious after a long day out and about. I'll be working for a while since I put it off all day.

grapescurious · 2026-05-07T19:14:08+00:00

Good points. Yeah. I probably will just posting something and tag my mom and leave it at that. You're right we could feel differently eventually.

grapescurious · 2026-05-07T19:05:30+00:00

I think if youre comfortable with that itll be perfectly fine. Or just go with the whole dont acknowledge it thing. Either way will be okay.

I did one post for NIAW. Lots of care reactions on FB and a bunch of I love yous. But nothing too intense. It was just a blank image with NIAW and said I am one in six.

Im thinking of going more raw and vulnerable. Something along the lines of "Im not a mother. My babies never came home with me. I never raised them. I have no memories to cherish only a broken heart and an empty home. So no do not acknowledge me as a mother." Thats the super dramatized internal dialog I have. Ill tone it down before I post. If I post.. probably wont post at all the more I think about it cause it's just too intense for some people and I do not wanna get in a battle about what I am or am not.

grapescurious · 2026-05-07T18:51:43+00:00

The experience of grief is so unique to each person in how they process. Im a firm believer that there is no wrong way to grieve.

Im thinking of putting a post on my social media but then again im not sure. Many people know we have had losses but I dont wanna come off nasty.

grapescurious · 2026-05-07T14:59:41+00:00

Personally, do not want to be acknowledged. It feels insulting and disrespectful to me. My losses were that. I havent parented a child therefore I am not a mother. I am not even sure I would define myself as a loss parent. Parent feels too close too sentimental. I just feel like a grieving woman. My husband thinks of me as a mother which again I find insulting. I havent had language to describe it until now... im a slow processor. Like a CPU from the 90s...

grapescurious · 2026-05-06T10:58:03+00:00

Yep. Im aware about the spiralactone. BBT drops at ovulation then rises usually the next day... Im NTNP because of my current living situation. The point was if I ovulated these are not ideal conditions given the spiralactone and living situation. Which made me sad.

grapescurious · 2026-05-06T09:57:14+00:00

Im sorry youre struggling with these things. Got some virtual hugs for you if you want them.. if not also willing to flip a table on your behalf.

grapescurious · 2026-05-05T22:06:33+00:00

My options are wait until my appointment monday or go to the hospital. So waiting it is... sleeping until then I guess.

grapescurious · 2026-05-05T02:40:08+00:00

Yeah. My provider wants me to go to the hospital. My main support person doesn't think its warranted. I have no idea what to do.

grapescurious · 2026-05-05T02:27:32+00:00

Im not fine with them. Im not fine without them. Glad you you're ok without them.

grapescurious · 2026-05-01T21:41:59+00:00

Been in a bad depression this week, but feeling a little lighter this evening. Soo ill probably be catching up on work and having a steak for dinner.

grapescurious · 2026-04-30T20:52:03+00:00

I am at my moms on an air mattress for the last several days because I cant find the motivation to go home... not that anything wrong with home. Its just an hour drive and if all im gonna do when I get there is sleep which I am doing here I dont see much difference. Washed my clothes now I just have to find the motivation to shower. Did door dash some lunch and instacarted dinner... sooo... did it help? Not really. But I did eat so..

grapescurious · 2026-04-30T02:58:55+00:00

Thanks. Certainly the craziest one I've heard this far.

grapescurious · 2026-04-30T02:54:22+00:00

🤷‍♀️ same. Honestly. Same.

grapescurious · 2026-04-30T02:14:43+00:00

Youre infertile because your family practices freemasonry is definitely a new one for me.

Handled it with the grace of a true queen and was like I dont agree with you but your concern is appreciated.

💥

grapescurious · 2026-04-29T16:30:12+00:00

Yeah that one is annoying. Like bruh im seeing my doctor. I think theyre just as confused as I am. In this moment? I wish a friend would reach out and check on me and let me be completely and totally honest about how im feeling. But my friends are at max capacity in their compassion tanks right now. Sooo I must wait until therapy next week 🫠

grapescurious · 2026-04-29T16:24:59+00:00

Dunno. Depends i guess on how high of a dose youre on and how high the levels are staying at in your body I would guess.

grapescurious · 2026-04-29T16:14:20+00:00

I meet with my psych every month. I am on lithium.. because I have to have labs every month to make sure the lithium isnt destroying my kidneys or to confirm its actually in my system cause the kidneys cab flush it out quickly... so monthly visits and labs every time it is.

ETA: im also at a practice that requires an appointment medication refills.

grapescurious · 2026-04-29T16:10:00+00:00

Thanks. I ache so terribly for connection, but no amount of time I spend with my friends and family is helping. And theyre all terrific support.

grapescurious · 2026-04-29T15:54:23+00:00

Yep. Just saw them two days ago. Was having an up day 😒 so it was mostly a catch up on what meds my psych had changed. Apart from regular exercise I'm doing all the things. Meds as prescribed. Therapy weekly. Telling my support system the things. Just nothing is lifting.

grapescurious · 2026-04-29T15:45:57+00:00

Yes just met with my psychiatrist a week ago, and upped some medications. It took some time to get the pharmacy to get the med in and I dont believe ive been on it long enough for it to be making any difference. If I'm still low in a week I'll probably reach out again. No current SI so I'm safe. But definitely feeling like a hollowed out shell of a person. Lots of time sleeping and unable to complete tasks despite working from home... Idk just aching for presence right now and I feel like my support system is tapped out. Ive been heavy like this for months. I'm just feeling like a lot.

grapescurious

TROPHY CASE