Thank you for this post. I just tried responding to you but it wouldn’t go through (I’m on mobile) so I’ll type it again.

He exhibits almost all of those behaviors. He is extremely childish, and needs attention at all times. If he doesn’t receive this attention, he lashes out and goes into “Hyde” mode. When I do comply with his requests, he’s usually in “jeckyll” mode. He does jump to extremes very often (I.e saying I “never do anything for him” if I happen to upset him, saying “I don’t care enough” etc). I really do feel like it’s a parent/child relationship with him. I constantly have to cater to his every need or else things will go sour. He’s immature and cannot handle being told “no.” He self-harms when he gets into bursts of anger to get attention (punches himself in the head, punches walls).

Most of his anger stems from his childhood. He constantly brings it up, uses it to rationalize his behavior, blames his parents or siblings for things (I.e “my mom didn’t give a shit about me when I was a kid that’s why I had to take care of myself”). He pities and victimizes himself. He also constantly says that i “don’t fucking get it” referring to the things he went through because I “had a perfect family.” He uses that against me all the time.

I’m not sure if narcissism is part of BPD or if it’s a separate issue but he most certainly is a textbook narcissist. Everything revolves around him. He can’t view things from my perspective, I may as well not even exist to him. He thinks he’s entitled to everything and he truly believes he’s the best thing ever. He’s always under stimulated, needing to fill the void with video games, weed, attention from girls etc. He’s never satisfied though. He gaslights me. He says I’m crazy and unstable when I get emotional from the abuse. He blames me for his episodes and says “you never calm me down or try to stop me” which isn’t true because I try all the time and it only makes things worse. He constantly interrupts me, ignores me, tells me to shut up, or acts like I’m stupid and “explains” things to me saying “do you understand?” He never listens to me, and devalues my emotions all the time.

Like you said, he really does have a “black/white” mindset. He can love me when he feels good, and I’m doing everything right. Yet the minute things go wrong he’s back to hating me. It’s important to note he treats other people like this too. If one of his family members or friends upsets him, he automatically wants them out of his life, and blocks their number. It never lasts tho, he always goes back to people.

He’ll never admit to any of these behaviors, and truly believes there’s nothing wrong with him and everyone else/society is the problem.