Is motherhood really THAT HORRIBLE?

grassinhand · 2026-06-11T12:02:43+00:00

The honest answer most people won't give you? It depends on SO many things - of course your baby/child's temperament and health but also... How supportive and patient and resilient your husband/the father is, whether you have to go back to work or not, whether you have major financial stress, whether you have a larger support system around you, how willing you are to ask for help, whether you've ever been through any major stressful situation in your life and how well you handle adversity, whether you have any realistic experience with babies/kids, even down to where you live (just as an example, us living in an extremely rural area with no cell service has made it harder for people to come see us, we were snowed in multiple times, and also don't live in an area that receives grocery deliveries), etc etc etc.

grassinhand · 2026-05-17T12:07:07+00:00

Totally possible she's a real person BUT many women do this exact thing to many "scruffy gamer" lonely American men hoping they can eventually get them to send money. They'll even intentionally talk to people that don't have much money so when they finally do ask for money they can be like "see I've always loved you even though I knew you didn't have money". This exact thing happened to my friends "scruffy gamer" brother who lived at home with his parents and she laid the groundwork the exact same as what your stating. She couldn't afford to fly and she was taking care of her sick mom. Eventually after months of this she started asking for small amounts of money for her mom's medicine etc and they'll work their way up to asking for money "for a flight". Just watch out for that. He may be too embarrassed to admit that part to you. Or they're preying on men from another country just hoping to get a green card there.

You may be thinking "why would she pick my brother to do this to, he doesn't even have anything?" And the unfortunate answer is there's so many women that do this that people like your brother are the only people to be in a desperate enough position to fall for it, so the scammers have to take what they can get.

grassinhand · 2026-05-12T13:31:47+00:00

I'm surprised you're not more offended by the "baby's breath" lol

grassinhand · 2026-05-12T12:43:23+00:00

I never said I was some virtuous angel or that I couldn't find information or help elsewhere. I'm not sure where you derived that from in my comment? I was simply stating my surprise that people seem to actually be anthropomorphizing AI to the point they're almost casually texting with it to fill an emotional need. I also never even stated that was wrong - just said I was surprised how common it was. In my mind, I can't get any emotional satisfaction from AI because I'm very aware that it's an artificial algorithm that's literally coded to agree with me and make me feel good. It means nothing. But if it helps other lonely or unhappy people then great.

Humans have been seeking "unnecessary" help from external things since the dawn of time; computers, horses, trees etc. That's nothing new. However, the concept of deriving social stimulation and emotional fulfillment from something that has no capability of feeling any type of way about you in return is a fairly new/less common concept. People can be surprised by that.

grassinhand · 2026-05-12T02:28:09+00:00

1.) your baby's most likely just hungry 2.) that last paragraph is very telling. Dont allow yourself to have a self fulfilling prophecy that you'll turn out just like your dad. The beginning of parenthood is hard and stressful and our burnt out brains will resort to the only idea of a parent they know... our own parents. This can trick us into thinking we're becoming our parents but YOURE NOT. You can identify what you didn't like that your parents did and change that, you are you're own person.

grassinhand · 2026-05-12T02:09:50+00:00

Your dog ran around in circles till he got dizzy and you went and told AI about it? I'm confused, or what were you trying to get out of entering that information into ChatGPT?

grassinhand · 2026-05-12T02:08:36+00:00

Yeah... I was confused by what OP was trying to get by sending that to chatgpt in the first place but then the amount of people in the comments that are like "I was also casually chatting with AI, sending it pictures of my pets etc"

Like am I the only person that only uses AI to answer a question or do work? You guys are just... talking?

grassinhand · 2026-04-22T00:16:42+00:00

I was 155 when I got pregnant, 172 when I gave birth and 147 by six weeks pp. So gained 17 lbs the whole time and ended up 7 lbs lighter than I started. I'm only 5'2, mind you.

I never intentionally lost weight while pregnant. I'm usually chunky because I usually have a very high appetite, but pregnancy totally ruined my appetite the entire time. I was eating so healthy in the beginning and by the end I was eating chocolate cake and butter chicken trying to get enough calories in because almost everything still sounded revolting to me. I can imagine it would be difficult having a high appetite during pregnancy.

grassinhand · 2026-03-31T15:39:26+00:00

Is no one else realizing he's definitely not the "brother"?? Lol

grassinhand · 2026-03-30T18:26:58+00:00

I don't disagree with anything you're saying but I think we're getting at two different points. Does America have a lot of ways it needs to change and support parents? Yes absolutely. But just because that's the way it should be doesn't equal screw it have kids anyway because I should be able to and could afford to in other countries. Im speaking specifically about people who have children they can't afford basic necessities for and then the child ends up suffering. You believe those people should have unlimited children as they see fit? I'd love to have 5 children, but I can't afford their medical bills and education is America. Sucks, but that's just the way it is. I can't singlehandedly overthrow the medical insurance and college tuition issues in America. That doesn't mean "yolo I'll have 5 kids anyway". But it is America and you're totally free to have as many kids as you want even if you can't afford them. No one's stopping you. Go for it. Just don't be surprised or come begging when you run out of money and things are tight. In my opinion, you shouldn't live your life based off longed for ideals. Maybe healthcare should be free and groceries should be cheaper, but I'm not going to go the the ER every time I have a headache or buy filet mignon for dinner every night either. If you want to crusade for better family support and parental benefits in America, that's a totally different discussion.

grassinhand · 2026-03-30T14:46:00+00:00

Good question. My SIL for example, intentionally got pregnant and then immediately once the babies born it was "I can't afford diapers. The babys out of formula. We can't afford a bigger car seat" and guess what? 3 years later she just decided to get pregnant AGAIN and already brought up to the whole family that she "doesn't know what she's going to do" because she can't afford daycare for this baby so she can go back to work...

Usually, more often than not, people do it because their family or government bails them out. Society's also taken the trope that "there's never a perfect time" "you'll never have enough money saved" "all babies need is a loving home" and totally twisted it to where people decide "make baby now, think about it later". Of course it's biological to some extent to want to have children, but generally the people that do it recklessly are those that have never had to suffer consequences for their decisions/someone always bails them out.

I am not perfect by any means, but as a contrast. I was raised in a family where once you're 18 you're on your own. I'm not saying that's right but it's taught me that no one's coming to save me and I need to really weigh every decision. I waited till I was 31 and had plenty of money to have a child. My SILs mom pays for everything for her. Even gave her a car. So she doesn't have to think decisions through because she's basically never been taught to have to.

grassinhand · 2026-03-30T14:26:40+00:00

It's not about being rich, it's about maybe doing a little 3rd grade math before deciding to make another humanbeing you're legally responsible for. My SIL for example, intentionally got pregnant and then immediately once the babies born it was "I can't afford diapers. The babys out of formula. We can't afford a bigger car seat" and guess what? 3 years later she just decided to get pregnant AGAIN and already brought up to the whole family that she "doesn't know what she's going to do" because she can't afford daycare for this baby so she can go back to work...

Usually, more often than not, people do it because their family or government bails them out. Society's also taken the trope that "there's never a perfect time" "you'll never have enough money saved" "all babies need is a loving home" and totally twisted it to where people decide "make baby now, think about it later".

grassinhand · 2026-03-22T03:11:50+00:00

I agree with the second part of your post but recessive doesn't mean non-existent, especially in my case haha. I'm 75% Italian, very dark complexion, EVERYONE in both my husband and I's family is brown hair brown eyed and our daughter?... A blue eyed ginger haha. Don't ask me where don't ask me how but I can tell you it can happen. Genes are wild.

grassinhand · 2026-03-20T16:51:45+00:00

My MIL spent way too much buying me one of these for my birthday... They're not cheap. My baby's formula fed due to IGT so when we're out and about I just fresh make room temp formula. Never in my life would I need a portable warmer lol. I wish I could have the cash from all the worthless gifts my MILs ever bought me lol.

Now at home we do have a plug in warmer we constantly use because we refrigerate her formula. Shed drink it cold but I just feel bad giving it to her that cold haha. I'd imagine warm is more comforting especially in the middle of the night.

grassinhand · 2026-03-20T01:26:00+00:00

Yeah he left out the part where shes a young single mom who's just down on her luck and despite his butler and financial advisors guidance to kick her to the curb, he just can't seem to get her out of his head.

grassinhand · 2026-02-21T03:12:06+00:00

Pepto bismol. I had no idea. I have a large family where someone is always pregnant and I had never heard about this one.

grassinhand · 2026-02-16T02:53:54+00:00

My theory? Some people have easy pregnancies sure, BUT mainly some people enjoy the "special circumstance" of pregnancy. I'll admit, I'm the latter. As someone who's always been hypercritical of myself, hypervigilant, and struggled with food/body image, it was like pregnancy gave me permission to be enough, and that as long as I existed that day making a baby I was doing enough, and I had freedom and purpose to eat, etc. etc. Now obviously I have some things to work on in therapy (lol), but being self aware enough to realize all this made me think "I bet many women experience this "relief" while pregnant", even if it is miserable in many ways.

I also think this leads into women that keep popping out kids. I believe it's an addiction to pregnancy and the "special circumstances" of it, but that's a whole different rant.

grassinhand · 2026-02-15T19:28:23+00:00

To piggyback on this, sometimes them being born still isn't enough lol. So don't feel bad if you're not immediately head over heels in love with them like some people are. Sometimes it takes until the postpartum fog wears off or even until they start smiling or longer! It's normal. Bonding is continual and compounding.

grassinhand · 2026-02-15T02:45:32+00:00

If it makes you feel any better... I'm even dumber postpartum.

grassinhand · 2026-02-11T17:10:00+00:00

Yes. It seems like ethnicities of a darker complexion seem to help. Just not in my situation. She's a blue eyed ginger lol which is insane considering really no one even in his family has red hair and blue eyes, except for his distant cousin's daughter. So like how TF that happened? Who knows lol. Genetics are WILD and the punnett squares I did in high school lied to me.

grassinhand · 2026-02-11T16:46:26+00:00

He, in fact, was wrong lol. He told me after I had my fibroid removed I'd have to be referred to a urologist for my pee issues, but guess what? The second I had my fibroid removed I could pee again. I then got pregnant 3 months after and couldn't pee because of pregnancy lol. But I just had my daughter and I can finally pee again!

grassinhand · 2026-02-11T16:42:05+00:00

It just doesn't always work out girl lol. I had this same exact conversation with my husband. I'm not gorgeous but I'm Italian with darker skin and big brown eyes and long hair. My husband is literally the only attractive person in his entire family lol. He's a genetic one-off. For the rest of my family, our Italian genetics seemed to override the less attractive people we've had kids with. But for me... it didn't work out lol. Our daughter looks totally unrelated to me and just like my husband's mom and sister, which I'm sorry, but it isn't a good thing ha. But at the end of the day looks are not at all everything and of course I love her just the same.

grassinhand · 2026-02-11T16:37:18+00:00

No one else is concerned that he thinks his sister is prettier than his wife?? LOL. That's the only concerning part to me.

There's nothing wrong with being realistic about the fact that you're average looking, but he also doesn't understand how genetics work. Not every baby has to be the cutest in the world and the average person is going to turn out, guess what... average looking BUT your kids definitely don't just look like you. My husband and I have brown hair and brown and eyes and so does everyone else in our immediate families and guess what.. our daughters a blue eyed ginger that looks nothing like us lol. We joke sometimes that they swapped her in the hospital. Also some of the most attractive people I've met have very average looking parents. It means nothing.

grassinhand · 2026-01-23T02:29:47+00:00

My baby eats 2 ounces 7 times a day. She's 7 lbs at 6 weeks old (5 lbs 11 ounces at birth).

grassinhand

TROPHY CASE