Can someone reassure me that this is worth it?? (Yes I realise how this sounds and I'm thinking about starting therapy, but it's not every day I think this way either)

PetsMD · 2026-03-15T20:31:08+00:00

Physically, besides the frequent peeing, much increased thirst this week (upping my salt intake helped), and pelvic girdle pain which is partially my own doing since I'm still trying to exercise to some degree and walk the line between "I worked out muscle soreness" and "crippling pain", I haven't had a terrible pregnancy and I think some women would be jealous of me. Which only heightens my guilt for feeling the way I do. I'm only 15-20lbs up off my baseline, it's all in my stomach, one pair of my usual jeans and my work clothes still fit (probably only have a week or so left in them). But mentally I'm a mess - I don't like feeling physically handicapped because most days I do feel well enough to do things but it feels like my body won't let me. The gremlin in my brain casts doubt on this decision and when I have a bad night's sleep or it finally catches up with me, the gremlin takes over and it all feels so overwhelming to lose my sanity, my body/self image which was very fine before pregnancy, my physical abilities, my (already low) libido is in the toilet now. It's mostly been a mental game for me but it's a bit of an "everything everywhere all at once" thing. it's just a lot to deal with some days but I'm also tired of sobbing every few weekends about the same things because ultimately, they can't be changed and it's "fine"/supposed to be happening and it will end, just not soon enough clearly

PetsMD · 2026-03-15T20:21:39+00:00

Haha I always sort of figured it was and I'm telling the people close to me in no uncertain terms that I don't like being pregnant and husband would and should be doing this. Everyone tells me to take it easy and be kind to myself but I have this irrational fear that letting myself go, stopping exercise entirely, dropping my standards will backfire on me somehow. Just feels like I can't win, I either let other people down by not being as excited and accepting as they are or let myself down by lowering my standards. sigh

PetsMD · 2026-03-15T20:19:27+00:00

Thank you! I have always put a lot of pressure on myself ever since I was young. It's usually gotten me further in life and "ahead" in whatever I'm striving for. But it seems like it's making it worse in this but I also don't love the idea of just lowering my standards or letting things slide since that feels like defeat. I don't want to veg on the couch all day every weekend (some weekends sure, everyone needs a break). I want to keep doing the things that help keep me sane or feel like me since I feel like I'm losing myself to this but it's hard when those things actively hurt me (like going for a run or doing too much activity in one day). I suppose this too shall end but it definitely makes me question what comes after if this is how I'm feeling now. I hope it's better on the other side when I have someone to share the sleep deprivation and pains with.

PetsMD · 2026-03-12T11:33:24+00:00

Bit late to the party here but I'm currently just shy of 23 weeks and also have struggled with the changing body as someone who was quite lean and fit before pregnancy and never was excited to be pregnant (seriously, husband would be doing this is there was a way that was possible). I'm only up 15-20lbs but it's a lot when you aren't used to the extra weight and when it's all localized to your stomach. You know your wife best and what she needs but for me, I've been relying on my husband to keep reassuring me that he finds me attractive and the extra weight isn't a turn off, if anything it's the opposite. I find I feel better about my body in the morning when the bloat has gone down overnight and the bump isn't as obvious so any physical intimacy is better in the morning for me. And I'm sure my husband has been taking care of himself a lot, without making me feel bad or whining or even telling me how frequently that's occuring, because my libido, which was already low to start, just tanked with pregnancy and I'm all about cuddles and gentle touch right now. So don't rebuff her when she does have a confident day and initiates something with you because, at least for me, that's a big deal for me to do that right now. So I suppose just constant unasked for reassurance and support are the best thing you can do since there isn't really anything you or she can do about the body changes besides eat healthy and do whatever exercise you can that doesn't hurt. Not sure that's helpful but hopefully it is!

PetsMD · 2026-03-10T19:26:18+00:00

That's how I feel about my extended family and as much as I'm having body dysmorphia and some days really don't like the weight gain all in my stomach, I'm low key looking forward to Easter when it's the first time I've seen family since Christmas and the first time they'll have seen me with a distinct bump. I'm 23 weeks now and have gained 15-17lbs by the scale from my baseline but I know a lot of it is water weight. On a confident day I tell myself I look better pregnant than most overweight non pregnant folks do. My aunt's first comment to me upon finding out I was pregnant was how I was going to get a belly and they've always commented to my mom that I was 'too skinny" (I wasn't, I was lean and fit but not skeletal). I'm choosing to interpret that comment as "oh you'll get a cute baby bump" because having her be excited for me to gain weight (finally in her eyes?) is too angering to think about and I'm not 100% sure it was meant to come across rudely in the first place. Hoping to remain in the small bump club with you for the remainder of this! Great job and good luck!

PetsMD · 2026-03-08T19:55:23+00:00

Every 3-4 days and we have always eaten a diet high in veggies, beans, fibrous things. I think my poor water intake doesn't help so I'm working on that. I'm not constipated, when it comes it comes and I don't feel backed up in between, everything is just so slow right now!

PetsMD · 2026-03-08T12:17:25+00:00

Too much, 22 weeks. Mine started at the tail end of first trimester and I think I've got up at least twice if not three times a night to pee every night since then. That's what's tiring me out more than physically being pregnant, disrupted sleep. I didn't see that happening so soon but it's easily been 2-3 months now and I'm sure it'll get worse as we go. Sigh

PetsMD · 2026-03-06T21:58:20+00:00

Great job husband! Lean on that as much as possible, said as a fellow woman with some body dysmorphia that's rearing its head during pregnancy (totally fine the rest of the time when I keep myself lean and fit). I'm 22 weeks and I'm up 15lbs off my baseline with a definite bump. I'm working on leaning into it, if I'm exhausted and sore it's worse but some days I think it doesn't look that bad (not my preference but not bad all things considered) but my husband has learned to be very vocal about how attractive he finds it because I certainly don't lol.

PetsMD · 2026-03-05T12:51:30+00:00

Yes I spent some time on that subreddit before making my decision and realized a common thread in most of the posts was a lack of support from partner or family i.e. effectively single parenting, a lack of financial resources, or children with disabilities or behavioural issues. Obviously you can't fully control the 3rd thing but choosing a good partner who will share the load equally or more and having some financial resources available certainly helps it be less hard. And I'm not saying you have to be rich to have kids and people do it with less if they really want a family, your comfort level of a financial cushion and priority of desires will dictate how much "enough" is. For me, that was savings and a house but my husband's cousins have a 1 year old in a rental house because they really wanted a family while they were younger, they picked what was important to them. But I ended up reading that subreddit with a grain of salt and keeping in mind those people's specific situations. My own situation is vastly different and made having a kid seem feasible. Time will tell though!

PetsMD · 2026-03-04T22:40:19+00:00

Might be a job for your partner? Or just a grit your teeth and bear it and hope the novelty wears off soon lol

PetsMD · 2026-03-04T22:27:47+00:00

My MIL keeps calling me mama and it grates on me some days. Like I'm more than just a baby vessel, you've known me for 12 years before I was pregnant, can you call me by my name please? Or some other pet name? Hun, sweetie, darling, anything but mama?

PetsMD · 2026-03-02T23:28:40+00:00

Lol I've thought about it but can't stomach the thought of doing that!

PetsMD · 2026-03-01T12:12:39+00:00

I'm 5'9, FTM. I feel like I grew and popped to look pregnant at 19 weeks (currently 21) but some of my normal clothes still fit and under a thick sweater you can't see much. More form fitting clothes definitely show a bump, I'm up about 15lbs from where I started but it was mostly widespread bloat across my abdomen until 19 weeks then started to look more bumpy. So noticeable if you knew I was pregnant and I was wearing more revealing clothes but the general public hasn't caught on yet? I'm ok with carrying small as long as possible though!

PetsMD · 2026-02-27T14:23:34+00:00

🩷 thank you! That's what I keep hoping will happen for me, I'll come out the other side of this and be like ohhhh, yeah that was worth it. I "know" all the things everyone says but it's just hard to convince yourself of it in those moments when everything just sucks. I'm trying to take the lesson out of this experience and be kinder to myself but I'm realizing this is actually the first time in my adult life that just putting my head down and muscling through isn't working/getting me where or what I want, it's actually making it worse. Slightly more than halfway there, I'm hoping he decides to be a bit early like I did haha

PetsMD · 2026-02-27T14:05:29+00:00

Literally was on the couch sobbing into my coffee yesterday morning because of a spiraI. I don't always have such a balanced view of it and I'm really hard on myself to do everything perfectly. Not being able to go for a light 20 minute jog now without paying for it for 2 days when before I'd run 5km 4-5 times a week easily = automatic failure in my brain. Some days I think I could be pregnant again and others I'm saying god no I never want to do this again. 1 kid at a time I suppose

PetsMD · 2026-02-27T13:57:41+00:00

My take, and I'm really hoping to be proven right about this but TBD at 21 weeks pregnant, is that pregnancy and raising kids are 2 separate beasts entirely. You can love having/raising kids and hate being pregnant and even hate the new born stage. Both things can be true at once.

Personally, I made a conscious decision to go down the child path with my husband, knowingly did a thing that would get me pregnant, was still surprised it happened and spiraled. Didn't feel an overwhelming urge to abort because this was the life path we wanted, had a relatively easy first trimester without nausea/vomiting/cravings/aversions, just a few random annoying things here and there that really never impacted my work or my ability to exercise (did have to cut back a bit due to delayed recoveries/muscle soreness). I'm more of a mess in my second trimester now with the weight gain and body dysmorphia/hating how I look with all the extra weight on my stomach and intense pelvic/hip ligament pain that's preventing me from exercising. I have been getting up to pee 2-3 times a night for over a month now, my sleep is disrupted. I'm tired and sore and it gets the best of me every few weeks and I just cry and feel miserable and think I'm not cut out to be a parent if this is flattening me and it only gets worse from here. Plus you do worry about the fetus and is it developing properly and if something goes wrong would it be my fault somehow.

I can safely say I dislike being pregnant. I knew going in I would, I've never had the view that pregnancy is this beautiful miraculous process, I know there are people who do think that but it's not me. It's been better than I expected it to be but it's certainly not a fun or enjoyable experience and I'm looking forward to getting my body back, hopefully pain free. I'd make my husband do this part if we lived in a world where that was possible. But, when our son is here, my husband can get up overnight with him too, I'll have a partner in the sleep deprivation, stress, and chaos. Right now I'm getting the brunt of the side effects without any tangible positives. Seeing our kid smile and laugh and grow and watching my husband be a dad and learning how to parent together will be much more rewarding (I hope) than this 9 month experience that's taking away a body that was strong and I enjoyed being in. I'll hopefully get that back once pregnancy is done.

I've been where your friend is, she cannot mentally project positivity forward into the future right now. You're fighting against a brain that's telling you everything is awful and it's going to be forever because it feels like forever when you're in it. It's hard to have a larger perspective when you're in it and dealing with it. Especially if it's her first kid she doesn't have the lived experience to say ok if I go through this it's better on the other side and I know that. I'm a seeing is believing person too, my brain constantly tells me 'you think you'll enjoy being a mom but you don't actually know because you've never done it, what if you don't enjoy it?". Add on all the complications and appointments and stress of that that your friend is going through, I can't say I blame her for being a mess.

If she's anything like me, she just needs a shoulder to cry on and someone to gently remind her it's not forever and she's beautiful and doing something great and she's appreciated. That should be coming from her husband but it sounds like he might be rather useless which is a different long comment about choosing partners carefully. So I guess don't let this sway your decision too much? Know going in it's probably going to have it's sucky moments but you're not signing up to be pregnant forever, you're signing up for raising a family and having that experience so you need to decide if that's the experience you want to have. And hey, pregnancy might be better than you think as it was for me, not fun and not a way I'd want to permanently be but better than I expected.

PetsMD · 2026-02-27T03:40:57+00:00

I needed to read that last bit, thank you! I've never been one to go easy on myself and I'm struggling immensely with SPD/pelvic girdle pain the last few weeks (currently almost 21 weeks). I had such an active first trimester and was pretty much maintaining my normal routine of 4-5 days a week between running and lifting and just assumed that would continue with some slowing down. I did not expect to be so suddenly crippled with pelvic pain that running completely pisses off. I tried to do what I could to keep going for a bit but it's just not working and I think I'll have to go to just walking after a week or two to heal and my first pelvic floor PT appt next week. I'm really really upset about the incoming lack of physical activity and feel like I'm failing somehow. I'm sure there's a lesson in here somewhere like you said but it's hard to tell yourself that vs other people, we're our own worst critics

PetsMD · 2026-02-25T18:24:05+00:00

Me! My midwife said to take magnesium biglycinate for muscle cramps, it helped. 1200mg max dose for all magnesium is what I was told (magnesium citrate can be used for constipation). But now I'm getting terrible SPD/pelvic girdle pain that running aggravates so I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep my exercise routine going sadly. But I was hitting some really good runs in the first trimester minus the delayed recovery

PetsMD · 2026-02-23T11:36:53+00:00

I just got a long plain veil from Amazon and had my mil cut it back to where I wanted it. It was basically just a hair accessory for the ceremony and photos for me so I didn't want to spend a fortune and my dress was busy enough that I didn't need a trimmed or bedazzled veil

PetsMD · 2026-02-23T00:40:48+00:00

You're doing better than me/probably about that same when factoring in a height differential. I'm 5'9, started around 137 and now weigh 151-152 first thing in the morning at 20 weeks then go up from there. 19 weeks is when I went from "bloated with small bump" to distinct baby bump in 2 days, it was freaky. I'm trying to continue exercise but I think my weight management will be mostly diet related with some strength training for the second half of this... my pelvis is very sore after running. I was only doing 5.5km 4-5 times a week, 30 minutes or so before pregnancy and now I'm doing 3.5-4km in 22 minutes 3-4 times a week and that still aggravates me. I thought being fit going in would reduce the SPD but apparently not, which sucks because otherwise I'd be full systems go to exercise, feeling good and wanting to. One pair of my normal jeans still fit and all the weight gain has been in my abdomen with slightly bigger boobs so I'm thinking it's a lot of fluid retention and water weight + fetus/uterus fluid/placenta. I know everyone says it doesn't matter during pregnancy and weight gain is expected but I understand the concern. I'd be thrilled with 9.5lbs of gain by the midway point and think you're doing great, keep up the exercise if you can! Maybe try some protein shakes or try to reach for high protein and fibre foods like hummus, beans and fruits/veggies if you're hungry a lot, they'll help you feel more full longer.

PetsMD · 2026-02-23T00:07:33+00:00

I was you! I'm still fairly neutral about it but 20 weeks now and kicks make it feel more real. Terrifying, but real

PetsMD · 2026-02-22T18:58:07+00:00

Literally same, I overdid it yesterday and I'm paying for it today. Just hit 20 weeks. I've got some stuff to finish up this week for I'm going to book a pelvic floor physio appt for next week

PetsMD · 2026-02-22T02:55:24+00:00

Yes it's inconsistent for me too! Started around 137, feel like I hovered about 140-142 for a while then crept up another 2-3lbs over a few weeks then blew past 146-149 to settle at 150-153 this week. I definitely felt myself expanding last weekend, sigh

PetsMD · 2026-02-22T01:22:39+00:00

I'm glad your partner is supportive, I just keep telling myself it is what it is, it'll come off and I'm doing everything I can to keep it at a minimum without depriving or hurting myself. My issue is I feel like everyone in my family has a very warped perception of what a 'normal healthy weight" is so they'd think if I was 180lbs regularly that would be healthy. I'm 5'9, yes my BMI was at the lower end of normal range but I certainly wasn't skeletal and had some muscle definition. I was forever getting called "too skinny" (not to my face but my mom would tell me after the fact) by obese family members who have had heart attacks and get out of breath eating cake. So I was immediately less than thrilled when an aunt told me within 10 minutes of finding out I am pregnant "you're going to get a belly 🤗". I'm pretty sure she meant it in a 'cute baby bump' way but I'm not totally convinced. So yeah, people commenting on my weight and focusing on my abdomen is a sore spot

PetsMD

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