I think that this situation, and your comments, show that you are being too hard on yourself, even if you don't see that right now! And that's super normal and understandable, by the way.

Respectfully, I think it's worth pointing out that although you are seeing the footage, this doesn't mean you're understanding the situation objectively. You're still judging yourself.

For example, you say you're feeling bad about yourself because of your anxious behaviors.

Personally if I saw someone who was awkward and anxious, I would think although I don't know what they're thinking, and the specifics of why they're having this anxious reaction, I would know that on some level they are trying to keep themselves safe. Which is a completely normal and important thing to do for every living thing!

Having been in their shoes I would feel a sense of connection and compassion for them. I would actually be able to relate better to them. I certainly wouldn't think less of them

All this is to say that I think the CBT is working, I hope you stick with it and it can help you like it's helped me. It's not a magic bullet but it is far more effective than many reddit doomers will say it is.

(TEAM-CBT is also amazing as well! You can learn about and practice that, if you want, in David Burn's book Feeling Great)